How can a Russian woman fall in love with herself? How a woman loves herself: Simple tips.

1. All it takes to have love is to be love.
2. Love does not require conditions.
3. This experience is absolute and perfect.

Let us examine in detail the question of how to develop self-love.

What is this term often confused with?

This concept has nothing to do with narcissism!

True self love is a natural and modest sense of self that you accept in yourself.

There is no pressure or effort involved.

Having this feeling:

• you are in harmony with yourself;
• you walk the world easily;
• feel confident in any situation;
• respect everything you do and everything you say.

It's such a down to earth and natural feeling.

Let's figure out where to start in order to love yourself completely and completely. Consider all 19 ways.

1. Realize that no one and nothing external will complete you, you are already self-sufficient

2. Accept yourself completely

Accept yourself the way you are

Love yourself in any manifestation and expression, in any verbal and non-verbal expression.

1. Love all your mistakes you made in the past.
   This is important because people often judge themselves, hate themselves and despise themselves for the things that have been done in the past.
2. At that moment in time and with that knowledge, that action was the most correct for you. Realize that you did those actions in the past that led to mistakes, because you thought at that moment that they would be the most correct for you.
   Of course, then you admit the mistake, but you love yourself with these mistakes and accept them.
3. Thanks to your mistakes, you are where you are now..
   They made you stronger and stronger. Implement this knowledge and no longer worry about how to learn to love and respect yourself.

When you no longer associate the word “acceptance” with weakness, you begin to live with ease and calmness that you have never seen before.

Accept all your flaws and love yourself with them: there is what is

Mantra for all occasions: “There is what is. And that's okay."

Example. I screwed up in front of people yesterday, I couldn't make a presentation and didn't prepare.

There is what is, and that's okay.

Use this phrase as practical advice on how to love yourself and stop self-flagellation.

What is the fine line which many people forget:

• This does not mean that you have now resigned yourself to the fact that you are a dull and boring creature and now you are always lying on the couch and doing nothing! No.
• You still strive to be the best version of yourself.
• You just don't judge yourself for your shortcomings.

3. You don't need a reason to love yourself.

You are self-sufficient and should love yourself for no reason.

If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, then love will not be complete and complete, and doubts and reasons for the opposite immediately appear in your head. You don't need a reason.

As soon as you start thinking: “I love myself because…”, there are immediately reasons not to love yourself!

If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, you find reasons to doubt!

You love yourself, period. Without a reason.

You are already self-sufficient and there is no reason to be otherwise.

Thanks to this realization, you will know everything about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman or a man.

4. Stop putting people on pedestals and realize that everyone is equal

No one is better or worse than you.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and undermine your self-esteem.

Otherwise, you will get into an endless race with yourself and you will never solve your questions about how to love yourself and be a self-confident person.

Get out from under the influence of social programming. Be aware that.

Make a choice and allow yourself to be equal with everyone and experience inner lightness.

5. Never compare yourself to others

Comparing oneself to others always causes a feeling of lack of self-sufficiency and condemnation of oneself.

Never chase after others and do not strive to be what you are not!

Example. You look at your neighbor, how he lives successfully and how his business is flourishing, you compare it with your state of affairs, and you upset yourself and are loaded because of this comparison.

Comparing yourself to others gets in the way of self-acceptance.

You cannot be what you are not. You can't live someone else's life. No matter how hard you try, you'll be able to be a cheaper, duller version of the person you're chasing!

The best thing you can do is be yourself.

Don't try to be what you are not. Don't try to be like everyone else.

Be yourself and go beyond your limits, expand your comfort zone.

It often happens that unconscious girls compare themselves with each other. And as a result, then they are always competing with someone. It's like an endless wheel of suffering and chasing.

With this type of thinking, women's questions about how to love themselves and increase self-esteem in the psychology of perception will forever remain open.

With whom can you compare yourself?

The only person you should compare yourself to it's you yourself!

For example, what were you like yesterday and what are you today.

A fine line. Try to compare yourself with yourself NOT with regards to the results achieved, but with regards to the new knowledge and awareness received.

Ask yourself these questions daily:

• What have I become wiser than yesterday and what have I learned new?
• What lessons have I learned from today?
• Am I out of my comfort zone today?

Only such a comparison with oneself has a place to be.

If the answer is no, then you remind yourself of what you need to work on and where to strive.

6. Respect your body and your mind

Consider the sixth advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself.

Respecting your body and mind means that you love yourself as a spiritual person, able to think and be aware, and you love your healthy body and take care of it.

Respecting your body means living a healthy lifestyle

How to respect your body:

1. Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and other harmful substances. You must love your body, and love for it is expressed by the fact that you do not stuff it with harmful smelling, alcoholic, inhaling things and do not undermine its health.
2. Develop your body, go to the gym. Feel the pain of muscle growth when it comes to understanding that the muscles are using their full potential and you are using them correctly. It's fine.
3. These feelings of developing the muscles of the body and eating the right food give you more confidence and lightness in the body. Appreciate your body for it.

People get drunk and live their lives this way because they hate themselves and don't know anything about how to learn to love and appreciate themselves.

Respect your mind and consciousness, do not stuff it with false information

What does this mean and how should it be implemented:

1. You don't have to watch trash on TV.
2. You need to think positively, have clear and distinct thoughts. Have pure thoughts. And then you will close your questions about .
3. you clean everything negative thoughts that only hinder progress.
4. You need to develop your mind, explore new concepts, ideas, topics, look for better solutions.
5. Let your mind rest.
6. Meditate. You can read more about .
7. Show him that you respect him.

The implementation of these principles will be one of the main trump cards that close the question of how to start loving yourself.

7. Remove the negative grumpy granny in yourself, judging other people and yourself

Why you need to stop judging others and yourself

This will also be the main advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself for a woman after 50 or an elderly man.

But, alas, this bad habit is also found among the younger generation.

An example of how judging others limits you

1. For example, a man sings songs on the street with an accordion.
2. And you and your friend go through and start throwing mud at him: “Here, Chaliapin was found, there is no voice, there is nothing to do, let him go to the circus,” etc.
3. There comes a time when you already have to speak to people on the street and sing a song. But you begin to shake, you are tense and confidence is lost somewhere.
4. It is this grouchy grandmother, judging others, that limits you in your actions.
5. Never judge anyone. Both yourself and others.

The only thing you can blame yourself:

• Have I done my best?
• Did I do everything I could to get better?

8. If you don’t like something, then don’t endure it, act

You can verbally tell the person that you don't like it, or use facial expressions and gestures to show that you do not approve of it.

From childhood, your mother taught you to endure difficult situations and let them be.

It was the same at school. No need to be patient!

These are not necessarily words, they can be actions that stop what you do not like.

Example: The man smokes in the car. And you can't stand cigarette smoke and have never smoked. You immediately look for solutions to an unpleasant situation for you and say it out loud.

• I suggest that the person get out of the car and smoke on the sidelines.
• I'm talking about the fact that I can't stand the smell of cigarettes and I'm allergic.
• I say that we will not be able to communicate with him until he stops smoking.

Implement this psychological technique and it will become easier to love yourself.

The more you solve unpleasant situations for you, the more love and respect for yourself will appear.

9. Have personal boundaries: what you accept in people and what you don't

Why it is important to have personal boundaries:

Example.

• I don't like it when a man sits on my neck.
• I do not like gossips, liars and hypocrites.
• And so on.

Also write your preferences what you value and respect in people.

This way you will know what you want. You will know clear answers to questions from psychology about how to love and respect yourself.

10. When you achieve your goals, reward yourself in every possible way: for example, buy yourself sweets.

If you set a goal for yourself and realized it, please yourself with pleasant things.

How it helps you further:

• Thus, unconsciously, you reinforce in your head that achieving goals is doubly pleasant and tastier.
• There is more energy to achieve the goal.
• Buying something for yourself, rewarding yourself for the result - emphasizes it, causes natural love for yourself for the efforts and efforts made.

For example, I like to buy sweets for myself: chocolates, cake. To whom to taste. It's always nice.

Implement this and you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to start loving and respecting yourself.

11. Don't whine or let whiners cry into your waistcoat.

You are not a sponge and not a vest in which you can cry! Make it clear to everyone around you.

When you yourself whine next to people for life and for people, you just show them that they can also do the same to you.

Whining does not solve the problem in any way!

You don’t want to love a whiner, you want to love a strong personality!

How to stop whiners:

1. If the person next to you whines and complains about life, on people, pours out his soul to you and cries, ask him: “How will you solve your problem?”.
2. If he keeps whining, then he's not going to solve anything.. This means that a person just wants to feel needed for you, pour out his soul to you, feel your empathy.
3. Ask yourself: “Why do you need such people?”. Get rid of the whiners without a doubt, and you will already feel how you began to love yourself more for it.
4. Get the whiners out of your social circle, and around you there will be a strong and healthy ecosystem of emotions and only strong personalities around. No whiner will drag you down.

12. You create all situations yourself: take responsibility for yourself and your actions

How to learn it with a piece of paper and a pen

Apply this effective method from psychology on the topic of learning to love yourself in practice.

An example with a situation where a man had a fight with a man on the street

How did the person bring the situation to this point:

• I myself behaved too aggressively and emotionally.
• I myself called names and provoked a man.
• I could just leave at any moment.
• I was looking for my own adventure.
• I pushed the man first.
• I myself attracted the negative that I had been accumulating for a long time.

13. Know your strengths and unique values, write them down and remember them.

Know exactly what value you have, what attractive characteristics and qualities.

If you don't know this, you won't be able to develop self-love and dealing with people will be harder.

For example, it's great if while communicating with people, you, without even straining, bring such things as:

Whoever you are you already have value, if only because you are unique.

Write down your unique qualities in writing and remember them. This will help to cope with restless thoughts about how to learn to love yourself as a woman or a man.

Answer the following questions in writing:

1. What makes your personality attractive?
2. What are your hobbies, interests, hobbies?
3. What sensations do you give to people who are in your environment without trying and without making an effort?
4. How deeply can you express your interesting personality when interacting with other people?
5. How independent and free are you on the inside?

Values ​​are different for different people. As your personality develops, your values ​​may change.

Video on how to increase objective self-esteem

14. Trust yourself and your intentions more, act according to your desires

1. Say what you want.
2. If what you do comes from good intentions, trust them, do it and realize them!
3. Whatever your desires and intentions, act according to them.

Don't be afraid to show yourself what others don't want you to see! Because this is your life and you live for yourself, and not for others!

The more you trust yourself and act on your desires, the more you live the life you want.

Examples of how people limit themselves in life because of the opinions of others:

• Some people do not want to fully express themselves and their personality because they are afraid of offending other people.
• Some people don't want to dance because they're afraid of getting looks of disapproval or bringing smiles to the faces of others.

You can read an article on how to ignore other people's opinions and get rid of shyness.

15. Be more interested in yourself, do introspection, strive to be your best self

How to learn to love yourself and be a confident person

Stick to these principles, and you will no longer worry about how to learn to love life and yourself.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What are your passions in this life?
• What excites and excites you?
• What kind of humor do you like?
• What kind of music do you like?

16. Set yourself a big goal that will excite and keep you awake, and realize it

1. Set yourself a goal that will excite you and keep you awake!
   Live this dream and make it a reality every day.
2. The more you set a goal for yourself, the more energy you have in your body to implement it and make it a reality.
3. If the goal is low and petty, then there will be so much energy.
4. Thus, on the way to a big goal, you will live interesting life , there will be respect for yourself and a feeling that you are growing, and not standing still.

Remember the importance of the goal and you will close your questions about how to learn to love yourself and become an interesting person.

17. It's Important to Love Other People: Don't Try to Change Them

It is important to love and accept people for who they are.

Be aware of these principles, reread them occasionally, and don't worry about how to love yourself and other people too.

18. You don't have to be a super perfect person.

Our society, mass media and television inspire perfectionism and the desire to be super-ideal and correct.

Allegedly, you should have an ideal body, education.

In fact, no one wants to be perfect and correct!

Replace this desire with the desire to fully accept and love yourself in any manifestation and expression.

People want to be themselves.

Allow yourself and others to be who they are.

In this way, you will know everything about how to accept yourself and love.

19. Do not forget to respect yourself and just look neat

Enough to conform to your idea of ​​what is normal

To be in pretentious cool places, it is absolutely not necessary to have super expensive clothes.

To do this, it is enough to look appropriate to your idea of ​​\u200b\u200bwhat is normal.

Well, it is desirable, of course, to find out in advance about the requirements of the institution and comply with them. If there are no special requirements, then there is no need to comply with anything.

• It is very stupid to advise a person to always think positively.. This is tantamount to keeping in mind and forcibly clinging to some thoughts.
• Any condition is temporary and impermanent.. For all people, the state changes and there is no point in forcing a person to depend on the state and constantly chase after it.
• This does not mean that now you can be a vile evil grandmother. No.
• You gotta love yourself no matter what state you're in. Be congruent with yourself and love yourself in any manifestation.

This is where all the advice ends. Now you know everything about how to love yourself correctly and correctly interpret this concept.

Wise words

Love is the absence of separation and boundaries between people. This is when you are dissolved and see yourself in every person.

Loving all people is much more beautiful than loving yourself alone or just your partner.

One of the main components of happiness is self-love. You can give joy and care to other people and get a lot of pleasure from it, but you will never achieve full, 100% happiness this way. Still, in every person there is a drop of healthy egoism. I have it, and so do you. I recommend that you read the article about that before that.

But before starting the discussion, how to love yourself, let's look at what consequences low self-esteem can lead to. The bare minimum is that you will not feel very confident. Maximum - prolonged depression and even thoughts of suicide. Of course, the latter option is unlikely, but, unfortunately, such cases are also known.

Negativity, in principle, rarely leads to good consequences, to say nothing about negativity towards oneself. On most sites, you will surely find the usual advice that will encourage you and say: love yourself. However, I, like you, understand that this is of little use. You need to dive deeper into this problem in order to start getting really good results.

By the way, if you believe in the law of attraction, then you understand why you shouldn’t think badly about yourself. For those not in the know, the more you think about something, the more it will be attracted into your life. For example, if you constantly think about something, then soon the universe will begin to send you a lot of clues about this topic. For example, an article on my blog.

What is the cause of your problem?

Not one of the psychological problems can not be solved without knowing the cause. Some gifted people (especially on the Internet) like to offer universal solutions. Of course, they can help, but most often they do it only partially or do not bring results at all. The best solution is the help of professionals.

However, you can take the first steps in this direction on your own. Moreover, you have already started doing them, because it was not in vain that you started reading an article about how to love yourself for a woman or a man. Congratulations, you are on the right track, since you already understand the problem and start looking for ways to solve it. But try to dig deeper...

Try to remember the first time you had these thoughts. This is very difficult to do, so try a simple exercise. Think about the last time you thought about your problem, then go back a couple of days and continue until you remember a couple dozen cases. The deeper the memories, the better.

Then remember what they were associated with. For example, if you don't love yourself because you're overweight, then it could be the frustrations that come with looking in mirrors and stopping the diet. If you can’t love yourself because you often take it out on your family, then these memories may come up during quarrels and so on.

You need to get to the root of the problem. What started it all. When did you first begin to think about the fact that you are overweight or have a bad temper. Most problems grow from childhood, however, there are causes of poor self-esteem that are associated with a more adult period. When answering the question of how to love yourself, psychology cannot give exact answers, but you have taken the second step towards solving it.

Forgive or erase

Next, you have an even more difficult task. You even forgive your abusers or your past self. I repeat, it is really incredibly difficult to do this, because the resentment has accumulated in your heart for many years, but you can do it step by step. The easiest option is to visualize your memories.

For example, you were teased at school for being overweight. Imagine if it didn't really happen. You just talked with classmates, but no one called you names. If this is difficult to do, then try to imagine that they are asking for forgiveness from you for what happened. You can also visualize giving these people gifts, smiling together and just talking - this also helps.

But what if the memories are so strong that it is almost impossible to forget about them just like that? Try to destroy them. Erase them and imagine what never was. You have never looked at yourself in the mirror and you have never yelled at your loved ones. Some people call it life from a blank slate - maybe they are right.

It will be hard at first, but every time you remember the reasons for your own dissatisfaction, just drown them out. Yes, ignoring the problem is not the best option, however, it will help to gather strength for a further decision, which professional psychologists will help to cope with. And you don't have to be interested in how to make yourself fall in love.

Change your beliefs on paper

Writing gave a person not only the opportunity to exchange information. With the help of a simple piece of paper and a ballpoint pen, you can achieve quite good changes psychologically as well. All you need to do is find a secluded spot and a few minutes of free time. It is very important that no one distracts you at this moment, and you can fully concentrate on the task.

First, on one side of the paper, write down all the beliefs you currently have about yourself:

• I keep postponing things
• I can't handle negative emotions
• I dont know,
• My skin looks ugly
• I am too fat and clumsy.

Write them down as much as possible. Have you written? Now cross out. Moreover, invest in this action as much as possible of your strength, spirit and aspiration. You don't need them anymore. Then tear this piece of paper, you can even burn it if the situation allows.

However, the exercise does not end there. Do something else. Take a new piece of paper and write on it the new beliefs you would like to put into practice. It could be:

• I easily take on any job
• I am always positive about work.
• I understand what needs to be done
• I look very beautiful
• I look the way I need at the moment.

Of course, I am not a supporter of self-deception, but this is a good way. However, you can also write more truthful statements. For example, "I will do my best to lose weight"- this option personally attracts me more. It is more suitable for understanding how to love yourself to a girl.

Put this piece of paper next to your bed and every time you go to bed, reread the new beliefs. And do it not diagonally, but really read every word. Very soon you will notice that you start to really treat yourself better. There is also another way to use this list. Which? Find out in the following articles.

In order not to miss blog updates - subscribe to new posts. To do this, click on the link or use the form at the end of this article.

10 steps to love yourself and others

While preparing this material, I came across a wonderful article on English language. I will not translate it word for word, but some of the theses from there seemed attractive enough to me to include them in this post. Of these, ten steps have been formulated, by completing which you can increase the level of self-love.

First step. Stop criticizing yourself

Every day a person changes. It does not matter what it is connected with: with his internal struggle, the people around him or some external circumstances. Every conversation changes us from the inside, every action we take somehow resonates in our character.

However, some people suffer from a very serious disease - cultivation mania. It seems to them that they should be something bigger, better, but when faced with reality, they realize that everything is not really the way they would like to think. As a result, they criticize themselves a lot, which does not lead to positive consequences. If you want to love yourself, get rid of this disease.

Second step. Believe in the best

What do you think about before falling asleep? If you set yourself up for negative emotions remember all your sins and other inappropriate things, then this explains low level your self-esteem. In fact, in order to change and love yourself, you just need to believe in the best. Instead of sad memories, think of good ones. Instead of imagining future difficulties, dream of an ideal future, that, and so on.

Third step. Become more patient

A friend of mine asked how to make a girl fall in love with herself. I was surprised by this, because I was sure that he himself was suffering from low self-esteem. In fact, many people want a lot, and here and now. However, this does not happen.

To achieve something big, you must first achieve a small goal. If you come to the gym, you are unlikely to be able to take 100 kg the first time. First you have to take a 5-kilogram weight, then 10 and so on. It also works in other situations.

Fourth step. Think Positive

You need to get rid of most of the negativity that flows into your consciousness every day. Without this, it is hardly possible to understand how to love yourself to a man or a woman. True, every day such a stream of negative emotions pours on us that sometimes you wonder how you can survive in such situations.

First of all, it is necessary to exclude TV and the media. Only negative emotions come from there, and your friends will easily notify you of important news. Also work on your thoughts and eliminate everything unnecessary.

Fifth step. Praise yourself

It is best to do this at the end of the day. Look back and appreciate the hours you have lived. Is there anything you can be commended for? Even if it's a small matter like routine care colleague or the lessons done, then you still need to give vent to feelings and say how good you are. Believe me, this is not so easy, but try to make it a daily practice.

Sixth step. Start supporting yourself

People very often expect support from other people. Instead, it’s enough to say a couple of times to yourself simple words like “You can do it” or “Be patient a little more, I believe that you will succeed” and it will become really easier for you. If you start to suffer again because of the problems associated with low self-esteem, remember this and say a few encouraging sentences.

Seventh step. Love Your Negatives

If the negative aspects cannot be avoided, then just accept them and love. For example, if you got an ugly scar from childhood that you can’t get rid of, then instead of crying about its presence, start admiring it or just make friends. You can even introduce him as your friend and sometimes talk. Just don't go too far.

Eighth step. Start taking care of your body

Sign up for a gym. Learn how to make your skin, hair and nails more attractive. If you are a girl - learn how to paint correctly and so on, you must understand that you look as attractive as possible.

Ninth step. Set yourself up for success

To love yourself, there is nothing easier than the mood for success. In the morning, first of all, go to the mirror and make sure that this day will go just fine. Decide ahead of time what to do in order to achieve the desired result.

Smile to yourself, rub your hands together in anticipation of the work day and say that you look amazing. It will take no more than five minutes, but the result will be simply incredible.

Tenth step. Help others

Nothing builds self-confidence like helping other people. Indeed, no matter what you do, you will begin to feel truly happy only if your emotions are backed up by good deeds. And it doesn’t matter what kind of help it will be: whether you will transfer your grandmother across the road or send money to help those in need.

On this, perhaps, you can finish the article about how to love yourself. If you have any questions - feel free to write them in the comments. Also there you can write wishes or any other things. By the way, do not forget to subscribe to the comments. Bye Bye!

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem as a woman

July 4, 2018 - One comment

How can a woman learn to love herself? Yes, so that everyone looks and admires you as something inaccessibly beautiful, poured out streams of compliments and admiration! And it seems that this is how it happens in life - you are beautiful, and people see it. I just want more love and attention, more and more. There is always some kind of lack, lack, inferiority.

And all because the desired - the beautiful - remains out of reach. No one is in a hurry to give you love and enjoy your presence alone. And you are left alone with your "beauty". How to become a truly loved and desired woman? How to learn to love and respect yourself?

Let's find out in this article.

What does it mean to love yourself and be a strong woman?

The most common advice from psychologists for a happy life concerns self-esteem. Yes, just what to do with it - it's not clear. How to raise it? How to say to yourself: “You are strong! You're not afraid of anything!" and believe it? Fear sits inside and is so exhausting that it seems that there are only enemies around. That other people are the ones you need to protect yourself from.

I don’t love myself, the woman thinks, believing that this is the reason for her fears and insecurities.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains the hidden in the unconscious real reasons negative states.

I want to get rid of fear, calmly and confidently communicate with people, enjoy meetings, feel relaxed and free. To learn this, let's consider one of the vectors of the psyche, which is endowed by nature with a special talent - to experience the greatest amplitude of emotions. The vector is called visual.

Emotions are closely connected with the eyes: I saw a colorful dawn - "Beautiful...", watched a touching film - "Zhaaaalkoo ...", and tears from my eyes. The owners of the visual vector are the most amorous, emotional, beautiful, sensitive natures. The meaning of their life is only in one thing - in love. It is they who most often ask the question: how to love yourself and increase self-esteem?

Emotions are an asset visual person and where they go determines the quality of life. On yourself - will be tormented by fear, uncertainty, anxiety. On others - there will be love, happiness, beautiful and bright life.

How to start loving yourself?

When a woman asks how to love yourself, or a slightly different option - how to accept yourself the way you are, - in her heart she wants only one thing: that other people are drawn to her. After all, it is so important - to be needed, desired and loved by all.

When a woman with a visual vector can realize her innate emotional potential outward - to give love - people are drawn to her. They want to be close to those who love them. The owner of the visual vector is naturally endowed with the ability to create emotional connections.

Not I love myself, a I love - allows you to realize your natural talents, get maximum joy and happiness from their implementation. That is, when I direct feelings, emotions not at myself, but at other people, only then do I create for myself happy life.

The desire to love yourself arises from a lack of feeling love. True love does not arise in relation to oneself, but only to another person. It is enough to direct your properties, abilities, talents in the right direction - then there will be happiness, and communication, and great love.

How is the ability to express feelings developed?

An adult person differs from a child in that he realizes the properties given to him from birth for the benefit of society. In order for a child to develop fully, the most comfortable conditions must be created in childhood.

The beginning of the path of a person with a visual vector is fear: the first emotion with which he is born. Over time, as he grows up, he learns empathy. First, he sincerely regrets the plucked flower, then the cat, and then another person who is in trouble. It is very pleasant to love, and the child's soul with all its being reaches out to other people, outward, wants to develop into its opposite: out of fear - into compassion and love.

When a visual person “gives away” his emotions, this does not mean that he is left with nothing: “I am forced to give when I myself have not enough ...” - this is not so. When I create emotional connections - and this is the inner desire of a visual person - I get pleasure.

It is impossible to get love in yourself. If a person does not love himself, then he lacks love. This is very noticeable in life: no matter how much attention people pay, there is always little, you always want more. As a result, an emotional emptiness is felt in the soul, which makes one experience discomfort and self-doubt.

To learn to enjoy the return of emotions, the child needs absolute security in the family. It happens that parents suffer, experience dissatisfaction with life and break down in the family on each other. In this case, the child loses a sense of security and safety. Such an atmosphere is a reason for "getting stuck" in fears - the child simply does not have the opportunity to relax and release emotions outward, to experience the pleasure of their bestowal.

If childhood was constantly surrounded by an atmosphere of threat, heaviness, hostility, then visual child will enter adulthood, having learned to enjoy only the buildup of fear - the first and root emotion of the visual psyche. He will become an adult, but he will live according to the child model. This fact will not allow him to fully "fit" into society and reap the benefits of happy relationships with people. Questions will start to come up. how to love yourself and the like.

Every person is naturally endowed with the ability to justify himself with all his heart. You don't have to learn to love yourself. Problems arise when a person cannot love others, cannot live normally among people.

To truly love means to be able to receive joy from a sensual life among other people and be filled with it to the maximum.

How to fit into society and start enjoying life?

Society is like a dance. If you know how to fit into it - you have fun and joy. And if your actions are inappropriate, not consistent with a single rhythm, then you are constantly pushed and asked not to interfere.

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will not call you - love yourself! - it will teach you to truly enjoy life. AT modern world no more effective way solving psychological problems than understanding them as they really are.

Realizing the psyche, that is, one's innate desires, a person acquires the freedom to choose a new destiny, it becomes possible to live his life, getting the maximum joy from it.

It is generally accepted that the absence of such warm sympathy and its expression leads to a loss of inner harmony, an uncomfortable feeling and a lack of simple life joys. A person begins to reproach himself, dig, educate, engaging in all sorts of measures to change and re-educate.

The prevailing notion of self-love and personal comfort zone makes us think how beautiful such love is and what are the terrifying consequences of its absence. We strive in every possible way to acquire this dear feeling, not noticing that we are already endowed with it by nature, and we don’t think about whether it harms or whether it’s time to rename it, or, it’s scary to think, completely eradicate it.

Now let's try to describe a woman who loves herself. What is she? What does it look like? What kind of lifestyle does he lead?

Well-groomed, with skillful make-up and hair, fresh manicure, clean, tastefully selected, expensive clothes, fit slim body, leaving behind a trail of expensive perfume. Prestigious work, decent wages, knowledge of languages, a broad outlook, travel. Such a lady daily catches the longed-for looks of men and the admiring, often envious looks of women. She knows exactly what she wants, she does not waste time, because she cherishes every minute of her beautiful life filled with herself - after all, she loves herself. Does he love?

It is customary to think that such an attitude towards oneself is called neither respect nor reverence, but love.

exhausting workouts, proper nutrition, diets, restrictions, selective relationships with men and selective dating. Solid prohibitions, choice and infringement.

Does it border on love, or what does self-love given by nature do to a woman.

What guides an overweight young lady, greedily eating the seventh cake in front of the TV? What drives her on her way to the refrigerator after six for another cutlet? What makes you eat a greasy sandwich with generously sugared tea instead of oatmeal in the morning? Where does this habit of eating come from? Out of unwillingness to refuse a tidbit. From the inability to say to yourself a firm NO. Because I, beloved, dear, adoring every fold of the stomach, can not help pampering myself. Because… I love myself.

Eating high-calorie and unhealthy foods is easier - no need to seek out original recipes, limit your diet, monitor your diet. Yes, and lettuce leaves, at first glance, do not look as appetizing as pizza with salami. We try to simplify our lives solely out of self-love. Blind and unresponsive - because our body, saturated with cholesterol and fast carbohydrates, is unlikely to reciprocate as the absence of cellulite. Rather, on the contrary.

In order not to deal with the body, there are a thousand reasons for a woman who ... loves herself. There is no money for the gym, no time for training, there is no sports uniform and the possibility of acquiring it, after training, the muscles hurt unbearably, and the result is slow and doubtful. Programs for home workouts are the same waste of time, and soaking up in bed is much more pleasant than charging at dawn. Our NOs are the fruit of blind self-love.

Watching TV is much easier than learning languages ​​and reading books, you don’t have to think, the brain is saturated with useless information, and it seems that there is no longer any place for a reasonable grain, for an informative encyclopedia, for an interesting book, for an entertaining program about animals and nature. HDD consciousness is filled with soap opera characters, tearful stories about someone else's unrequited love, and 0 gigabytes of free memory for hundreds of new words in English and foreign grammar rules. And by the way, what a boring article, where is the remote from the TV, MY FAVORITE program is about to start.

Getting a higher education on your own is labor and time, isn't it? loving person will force himself to work hard and will spend precious time sitting in libraries, memorizing objects unnecessarily, straining the convolutions, sharpening with love for himself.

A prestigious job is not for those who love themselves. Faced with the unknown, one has to experience discomfort, expand the usual framework, listen to the admonitions of the authorities, climb the career ladder to the best of their ability. It is much easier to make coffee for a leader who clearly does not like himself, since he chooses a ten-hour working day, a lot of trainings, conferences, new acquaintances as a punishment, and receives a fee with four zeros after the decimal point as a reward. So he needs it, he should be lucky at least in something - I have enough boundless love for myself.

Oh yes, where is the TV remote control and chips, after six hours of overwork in VKontakte, can I finally get a well-deserved, worthy rest.

A man who "ruined his whole life", a dunce, a drunkard and an ignoramus - the choice of a woman who loves herself. And in no other way, she will not allow herself to be an outcast in society, to catch the sympathetic glances of happily married friends and continue to be alone. And how pleasant it is to lament later on fate, which did not love her the way, of course, she loves herself. Otherwise, what can lead a person who remains unhappy for several years, enduring misunderstanding, cardinal divergent views, inattention and absence are forgotten from a man. Apparently, self-love is enough to keep such a relationship.

Looking in the mirror in the morning, carefully examining the person who is standing in front of you, think carefully, what would you like to say to him? And if the daily training “I love myself” has not brought the desired results for a long time, isn’t it time to change the wording or at least think about whether I love myself right?

Evgenia Adamova, founder of the Women's Development Center "Secrets of the Slavyanka", author of training programs aimed at the holistic development of the harmonious state of the Woman.

Today, one can often come across a distorted concept of "I love myself" and it can manifest itself in exactly one of the above ways.

What is the difference between "love myself" and "spoil my body"?

In the second meaning, I pamper my body, we do everything that brings pleasure to our physical body, decorating, washing, dressing and filling with delicious. All this is required by our brain for a conscious choice of the quality of material life. The thoughts of such a person are focused more on the result of the process that he launches, and not on the pleasure of the process itself.

In the first sense, self-love comes from the relationship with your higher Self, your Soul. And interaction in this direction will not let you harm your body harmful products, no strict diets, no quarrels with difficult people, and even "burning order deadlines." A person who knows, listens to his Soul and trusts his feelings often changes exhausting work for creative work and devotes his life to studying the process of life itself, and itself as a single whole in this Universe.

The difference is that all the described methods are a manifestation of love for your physical body. And self-love lies in the need to continue to take care of your body, choosing with your mind the right conditions for the home of the soul.

One day my friend and her husband were walking through the mall. In one of the boutiques I saw an interesting dress. I tried it on for a long time, looked in the mirror and doubted whether it was worth taking or not. As a result, I postponed the purchase until later.

Continuing shopping, periodically recalled:
- What a great thing it is!

The laconic husband muttered:
Why didn't you buy it if you like it?

To which the friend replied:
- Too expensive for me.

After a short pause, the husband asked a very unpleasant but correct question:
- If you don't love yourself, why should I love you?

Of course, do not confuse self-love with satisfying your needs (shopping, spas, tasty food And so on). These are just patterns imposed by advertising, a tribute to the material. But taking care of yourself and your appearance, the ability to please yourself, of course, are the components of this very love.

Signs of self dislike

• You criticize your appearance, notice the slightest flaws, when you look in the mirror, your mood deteriorates.
• Embarrassed when people compliment your appearance: “What are you talking about, this is an old dress!”, “Do I look good? It’s just that the lighting is bad here”, “Have you built? It seems that way because I'm in the dark."
• Do not allow yourself what makes you happy: “I look like the old one, the child wants it that way new smartphone", "Dancing? I'm not that old anymore."
• Denying your merit “I didn’t do anything special”, “Just lucky”, “I couldn’t do it without a colleague.”
• Try to please, be good to everyone.
• You always make excuses: for the inconvenience caused, for your achievements, for better well-being than others ...
• You constantly experience shame or guilt: you allowed yourself a piece of cake, but you are not thin anyway; bought expensive lipstick, although money is tight. Beat yourself up if you make a mistake.
• Associate with your successes and failures. You think you have to be perfect in everything. Otherwise, you feel like you are nobody.
• You worry for any reason: why people looked the wrong way, said the wrong thing, whether the neighbor was offended by what the boss thought ...
• They tend to get stuck on old failures and emotions for years: divorce, loss of money, anger, or unrequited love that is long overdue to let go.
• You are afraid to draw attention to yourself, you prefer to remain in the shadows: you never wear bright things that distinguish you in the crowd; having a good voice, never dare to sing karaoke; having experience and knowledge, you do not run the risk of offering your candidacy for a position or project.
• You think that if a person does not agree with you, has a different point of view, then he does not love you, treats you badly.
• Unable to relax in society important people give exaggerated importance to their opinion of yourself.

What is self love?

Self-love and selfishness, as you might guess, are not the same thing. Selfishness is a rapture of oneself, an exaggeration of one's own merits, a consumerist attitude towards people who must confirm that "I am better than they are." Self-love is expressed in the feeling "I'm wonderful - just like them." A woman who loves herself glows with joy. He does not mechanistically perform daily tasks, takes care of loved ones, takes care of himself, but does it joyfully. The inner sun lives in it.

So let's stop digging into the past, blaming our parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters for our troubles. We change the situation in the present!

1. Remember all the most offensive, unpleasant, evil that was once said about you - and put all this negativity into an imaginary basket. Destroy it: throw it away, blow it up, dissolve it, burn it - whatever you like. Do it right - you will feel freed from other people's opinions. You and someone else's opinion of you are two different things.
2. Hang ads in prominent places in the apartment:

   “I am good by definition. Whoever does not understand this is his problem.

3. For at least a month, write before bed:

   "I'm good. I am beloved. I can. I am, Lord!” Put the leaf under the pillow, and burn it in the morning.

4. Separate your personality from your mistakes and achievements:

   “I didn’t pass the exam for the rights (I delayed the quarterly report, I couldn’t be certified) - but this is not a reason to value myself less. It doesn't make me better or worse - I just didn't pass the exam."

   
   Regardless of your actions - you are good, unique, priceless!
5. Use the “I have a bad ..., but ...” technique:

   “I don’t have good borscht, but the cakes are great”; "I'm not good at singing, but I'm an excellent dancer and temperamental in bed."

   
   Try to love your flaws, accept them as part of your uniqueness. Rejoice: they stimulate you to develop.
6. Divide a sheet of paper in half. In one column, list your positive qualities, in the other - what you don’t like and want to change. Then cross out each negative quality with a thick line, tear off this part of the sheet, tear it into small pieces, burn it, give the ashes to water or wind. Learn the rest of the text by heart and repeat it regularly in the morning (or at night - whichever is more convenient for you). Add a new quality to the list every three days. To consolidate the effect, do this for at least a couple of months.
7. Stop criticizing yourself. You can use the exercise "Rubber" - masochistic, but effective. Put on an elastic band on your wrist; as soon as you notice that you are criticizing yourself, talking badly about yourself, click the rubber band on your wrist.
8. If you don't like something about the behavior of another person, give him feedback. For example, a mother/girlfriend regularly crouches in your ears or forces you into lengthy correspondence and pours negativity on your husband, colleagues, and neighbors. If you love yourself, you won't put up with it. People, of course, need to be accepted as they are, but not to the detriment of oneself. Choose acceptable options to stop useless speech flow:

   “Sorry, I'm busy now, the family needs attention. How can I help you specifically? “I understand that the situation is not easy. What way do you see yourself?”; "Let's have a bachelorette party next weekend, shall we? I have to run now."

   
   Train constantly, thanks to this practice you will learn to respect yourself and make others reckon with you.
9. You can keep a notebook to record your progress. Mark your goals in it and write down daily accomplishments, even the smallest ones. At the end of the week, re-read - and rejoice, rejoice at the achievements, praise, praise yourself!
10. Overcome your fears - they are frequent companions of low self-esteem. Do something that you have long dreamed of, but were afraid of: sign up for dancing, singing, drawing; take part in a competition on television; skydive or bungee jump; perform at a corporate party. An adrenaline rush and positive emotions are guaranteed!
11. Start transferring knowledge to others: train in dance, yoga, tutor foreign language, learn to knit or weave crafts from beads ... Acceptance by others of your authority will give self-confidence and increase self-esteem.
12. Go for a massage or body training - this will help remove the blocks, clamps that have formed in the body as a result of traumatic situations. For example, they wanted to hit someone and did not hit - the hand began to go numb; parents shamed the girl for early manifestations of sexuality or the first intimate contact with a man was unsuccessful - a pelvic block formed, stagnation of blood in the pelvic organs, problems with orgasm, etc.

And about the main

Great techniques for developing gratitude are given by Rhonda Byrne in her book "Magic" - a must read! Be filled with gratitude and joy will come with it.

Cultivate joy, cherish it and cherish it. Without joy, don't push, don't push, you won't have any love for yourself.

Imagine that you have the sun in your chest. Woke up in the morning - and it lit up. We felt that the world has become gray and bleak - turn on the sun, you are the mistress of your house! You can also imagine a smile at the heart chakra or a flower in full bloom.

Your joy will be contagious, people will definitely notice the changes in you and begin to glow in response.

“Love yourself and it can transform the world” (Osho).