Why do men choose older women themselves psychology. Psychologist Elena Shamova analyzes the reasons why men choose women much older than themselves

They say that "all ages are submissive to love." The fact that a person is 40 or 50 years old does not mean that he cannot experience passion and love. And indeed, only the heart does not grow old, which constantly craves attention and care. However, often the most condemned situations are those where the partners are too different in age. Why are there men who like older women?

Every mature reader of the women's site site can be glad that even men can stare at her. And it's not always about peers. Many of them may turn out to be young guys that a woman might not have paid attention to before.

Why are there guys and men who like older women? The answer to this question is very multifaceted, since pairs are added according to various reasons. However, when a young man begins to get involved in a mature lady, many of his relatives begin to “treat” him verbally. They immediately take him to a psychologist so that he finds out the reasons for his choice and eliminates them. Some begin to blackmail and threaten.

Various methods are used to get a young man to abandon an older partner, since it is generally accepted that couples should be created by peers. Let's try to make out in the article the reasons why men choose older women.

Reasons for loving older women

What reasons can be identified that push young people to choose older women? Considering them, we can say that the situations are different. There can be both true love and selfish motives.

1. Sincere feelings.

A young man can really love his chosen one. It doesn't matter to him how old she is. The most important thing is that it has something that is important and interesting to him. He just loves her, as many other couples love, where the partners are the same age. There is a connection between them that cannot be explained.

A young man simply loves, so he chooses an adult woman not with his mind, but with feelings. He feels true love for her, so he is ready to fight and defend his position.

1. Selfish motives.

Another common reason young men choose older women is self-interest. As you know, older women already have some capital. They are already at work. They have already saved up some money. Sometimes we can talk about a rich woman who has made a successful career or built a business, but has not experienced a love feeling.

If the boy wants to become a dependent, whom he will provide adult woman then he will choose it. His peers will be interested in their emotionality and sexuality. He will most likely even cheat on his partner. However, he will never leave her until she herself breaks up with him.

1. Mommy.

There are young men who, on a subconscious level, are looking for their mothers. They do not want to grow up, take responsibility. To some extent, they can be called sissy. Only mothers here are not biological parents, but adult women who will take care of their boyfriends, like their sons.

Give such men mature women who will take on the solution of all problems, responsibility, fulfillment of all duties and other situations. At the same time, the guys will be simply faithful and obedient, the way their mothers want to see them.

1. An experience.

There is another reason that a young man chooses an older woman - this is her experience. Perhaps he needs her acquaintance with helpful people. Perhaps she can move him up the career ladder. Maybe he can learn something from her.

Be that as it may, the guy is looking not for his beloved, but for an ally, partner, mentor who will teach and show, help and push.

Not every couple where a man is many years younger than a woman will be happy. And in order for a woman not to suffer, it is necessary to be attentive to whom she chooses. Love is good, but notice the motives for which a young, handsome, hot and quite demanded man chooses you.

mom number two

Often men are not looking for women, but for second mothers who will take care of them in the same way as their relatives. Of course, they are looking for first of all mistresses with whom it is pleasant to have sex, and then housewives and caring personalities with whom they can be little boys.

How can such men be distinguished from others who themselves are able to care for a woman and support a family? How well they keep their word. If a man promises you and keeps his word, then he is capable of responsible and adult business management. If you got to a man who promises you something, but does not keep his word, moreover, even asks you to decide everything for him, then you are faced with someone who needs a second mother.

Your relationship with him is like that of a mother with a lazy son. Promising something all the time, and keeping you certain by occasional odd jobs that he will someday become a "millionaire," he expresses his anger in order to manipulate you.

Of course, it depends on the woman what her husband will be like. But this is important only when choosing a husband. And in this case, you chose "son." Everything that is promised to you in the future is just manipulation.

It should be understood that while you agree to the role of a second mother, then your man may not change anything in himself. No matter how you later complain about it, criticize it and try to change it, it will all be useless. You should stop being a mother who solves all his problems for him and provides everything he needs. Only then will a man be ready to think about his role as a husband.

Why do men keep choosing older women? After all, it has always been believed that the most sought after are young and beautiful girls. Undoubtedly, mature women are also beautiful ... but not young anymore. Why are some men so attracted to them?

1. Woman's independence.

When a woman is older than a man, then she becomes more wise and calm. Young girls often fool around, quarrel over trifles, worry, etc. With older women, everything is much easier. If they want to be with men, then they just meet with them, without stuffing their heads with various trifles. If they want to leave, then they do it.

An older woman is always independent and wise towards a man. And this is always lacking in relationships with young girls. While the young are hysterical, the more mature simply do not pay attention. If they get tired of the relationship, then they don’t fool anyone, but simply leave.

1. Interesting lifestyle.

Older women have much more interests and hobbies than young girls. It seems that the opposite is true: young women are more interesting and cheerful than mature women. In fact, young girls are more stupid and carefree, addicted only to alcohol and stupid hobbies. You can learn a lot from older women.

Women who spent a lot of time alone have learned to love themselves. They know what they are interested in and what they want. They understand themselves and their desires. They have already learned a lot and can teach their partners everything.

If a young man is interested not to waste time, but to spend it usefully, then older women will be more interested in him.

1. Moderate emotionality.

Youth is often accompanied by violent outbursts of emotions. Passions, emotions, feelings are seething between young people. Today they love each other, and tomorrow they hate each other. You will not experience this with a mature lady, since her emotional sphere is much more stable and calmer.

Some young men just need a woman to be calm. They don’t need outbursts of emotions when a girl either gets jealous, or loves, or wants to leave, or cries so that the guy doesn’t leave. All this bothers, and the young man is looking for a partner who will not throw tantrums and scandals from scratch.

An older woman has already gone through a period of emotional instability. She understands herself and her feelings. This suits her man, who chooses her.

1. Experience in building relationships.

An important advantage of older women is that they have built relationships with men more than once, which means they know how to make the union stable and happy. An older woman certainly understands perfectly how to make a man happy. She no longer “pulls the blanket” only on herself. For a happy relationship, both of you must be happy.

A woman also understands perfectly well that she is not dating a handsome prince, but an earthly man who has flaws and who does not owe her anything. The girls are still waiting for their princes to appear, who will make their lives carefree and secure. Older women are already disillusioned. They are ready to solve difficulties and problems themselves, and not to shift them onto the shoulders of men.

1. Rich experience in sex.

Of course, it is necessary to talk about sex, which continues to be an important element in building relationships. Men want not just to have sex, but also to make it interesting, varied. Older women undoubtedly have more experience in this issue than girls. While the young are just learning, older ladies themselves can teach their partners a lot.

Here it is worth noting the main element in sex - satisfaction. A man, despite his desire to have an orgasm, still wants his woman to enjoy it too. Young girls, due to their inexperience, may simply not know how to satisfy them. Mature women already know everything about themselves, so they can tell their partners how to bring them to orgasm.

What is the outcome of a relationship with an older woman?

Many may be interested in the question of what the relationship of a young man with an older woman can lead to. The result will largely depend only on the partners, which is based solely on their true intentions, because of which they build relationships. If a man is serious about a woman, then his union can be strong and happy. If the partners have frivolous intentions, then the relationship will be temporary or unhappy.

The result depends on what the man and woman are united for. And it doesn't matter how old they are. This law is valid at any age: the seriousness of intentions leads to a long relationship, and vice versa.

Young men have the same right to choose their mature partners as young girls. There is only one thing left - to withstand the pressure public opinion and peer pressure. After all, others, as always, will not understand the motives of partners who want to unite in one union. However, if the feelings are sincere and the intentions are serious, then you can stand before everything.

In an unequal marriage, in which the woman is older than the man, the relationship develops differently than in a couple of the same age or when the husband is older than the wife. In such a union, everything depends on the age difference. If she is small, two to four years old, a man may not notice her at all, feeling like a protector and head of the family.

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If the difference is large, then this is not only striking, but also raises a lot of questions. For a man, the age of his beloved is not an obstacle in relationships, but society and close circle will still question and suspect a man of insincerity. A woman cannot avoid pity and caustic remarks that someday a young husband will leave her.

In couples where the woman is older than the man, misunderstandings and disagreements arise.. If the lovers came together on the basis of sexual attraction, then, despite the excellent compatibility, their relationship will not last long. An immature young man will get bored with a woman, and he will be tired of passions and an experienced partner. Most often this is exactly what happens, but there are couples where the age difference does not affect the duration of the relationship.

People may judge a woman for having an affair with a young guy. In society, stereotypes about unequal marriage are common, with which she is forced to fight:

1. 1. "He gets tired and goes to a young girl." If a man leaves a woman, then this is not due to the age difference. She either bored him, or he realizes that he made the wrong choice. Maybe he lost his feelings, he fell in love with another. The unwillingness of the partner to have children is also a good reason that prompted the guy to leave for the same age.
2. 2. “Having a husband or partner much younger than yourself is a woman's initiative. » In fact, most often it is young guys who show interest in mature women. Even in kindergarten and elementary grades, they fall in love with a teacher, the first teacher, and in high school - with a counselor or trainee. Attraction to a more mature partner is inherent in them by nature, and there is nothing in this.
3. 3. “Relationships have no future and will not last long. » According to statistics, on average, the relationship lasts 13 years. But there are couples who do not part and go through the whole life path together.

Do not pay attention to ridicule, sympathetic or envious looks. Everyone has their own life, and unions break up for many reasons, at different intervals.

An older woman should not direct her maternal instinct to young husband, you need to let him feel like a mature person, capable of making decisions.

Relationships in which the woman is older are devoid of the whims and discontent of the partner. With age, girls become calmer and wiser. The chances of existence and the long duration of the union increase, as the female career has already taken place, and the guy has more opportunities to succeed without being distracted by a young spouse and children. With the support of an experienced woman, he will quickly achieve the desired success, without making many mistakes associated with youthful temper.

Home life is adjusted and comfort has long been created in the house. There is no shortage of finances and scandals about it. A woman will not ask for a new fur coat, but will go and buy it herself. There are also couples where a young man seeks to make an expensive gift to his beloved and does not want to completely depend on her. You need to support him in this, so the relationship will be even stronger. For a woman, too, there are advantages of unequal marriage with a husband who is much younger than her:

• a great incentive to take care of yourself in order to look more attractive;
• play sports and lead an active lifestyle;
• feel more youthful with a younger partner.

The wonders of modern cosmetology and cosmetic surgery allow you to look much younger, and playing sports not only improves your figure, but also improves your health. A woman takes better care of herself, preferring healthy eating and full sleep, which in the best way affect her well-being and appearance.

In unequal relationships in which the woman is older, it is not recommended:

• show jealousy;
• show fear;
• put pressure on pity;
• pay attention to rumors.

From the point of view of psychology, a woman is able to ruin a relationship if she is jealous young guy or husband to other women. The fear that he will leave her can push her to negative thoughts and deeds. If you wait for him to come home and then ask a lot of questions, someday he will get tired of it. A man should not feel female self-doubt and jealousy towards other girls.

Next important point that can harm relationships, you can call the desire to become a father. If a woman already has a child, then a man begins to think about his own. The desire to have a common baby is natural for spouses, but female reproductive functions fade with age, and there is a risk that a young man will leave for a young girl in order to create a new family.

A couple in which the man is younger has a social circle of a different age range. A woman is awkward among young people, and a guy is bored with her friends. Here it is necessary to seek a compromise, spend more time together, find common hobbies, allow him to pursue his hobby.

Do not catch yourself thinking that there is nothing to talk about with a young man. Young people can be very well-read and have varied interests.

Not to do without the close attention of society. We must immediately learn not to react to condemnation and gossip. Rumors and advice can harm harmonious relationships or greatly spoil the mood. The relationship of two is a territory where they build their own destiny. If desired, no age difference will destroy the union of loving hearts.

And some secrets.

A young guy and an adult woman - features of their relationship

In society, the most common union is when the partner is older than his chosen one. And if the lovers are a young guy and an adult woman, then this raises many questions from others. Therefore, lovers tend to experience certain anxieties, fearing for their future. Psychologists emphasize that in such a pair there are a lot of positive and negative aspects. If the chosen ones can build relationships correctly, they will live together happily ever after.

Important! Today, taking care of yourself and having an attractive appearance at any age is very simple. How? Read history carefully Marina Kozlova Read →

A man is advised to end the relationship, because physiologically a woman ages faster, and there is a possibility that she will not be able to give birth to a child. It is worth noting that such talk is not unfounded. However, everyone should independently assess the prospects for a joint future. Professionals recommend not to dwell on gossip and the opinions of strangers. The couple should rely on their intuition and mutual desire.

An adult partner often experiences fear about her appearance. She tends to compare herself to the young

a man and doubt his own attractiveness.

It should be remembered that husbands of any age leave their chosen ones. With the right psychological attitude, a woman should mentally thank her young partner leaving her for a happy time. If the feeling was real on the part of a man, then he will not emphasize that his departure is associated with an age difference.

Psychologists note that relationships include mutual understanding, spiritual intimacy, sexual harmony, and a willingness to compromise. In a union where age inequality is observed, these conditions should be at a higher level than in an ordinary couple.

If a man is going to meet friends alone, then his peer partner will calmly accept this situation and decide to fill his free time with his own affairs. Another impression may arise about this situation in the chosen one, who is much older than the man. Anxiety will inevitably creep into the soul of a woman that the partner is embarrassed to show her to his friends. She may feel uninteresting and out of date. Therefore, it is important to express your thoughts to each other, share experiences, and conduct a confidential dialogue. In most cases, the partner will most likely initiate such conversations, since by nature a woman is more emotional than a man.

Psychologists advise women who are much older than the chosen one to explore the world through his eyes. Be interested in technological innovations, travel with your man and develop. This will unite the couple and give the feeling of "one wave".

Psychologists believe that if a woman decides to have a relationship with a young partner, then not only passion and a new flow of energy await her. After some time, the lady will understand that:

• The guy's relatives will condemn this relationship and, most likely, will never accept it.
• Often you will have to be jealous of a partner for younger girls.
• Despite an excellent relationship with a man, in 10 years the age difference will be more noticeable.
• There will be tightness of your body when the first signs of aging appear.

A woman is often overwhelmed by the fear that a young lover will receive financial support, sexual experience and understand that these relationships are outdated for him. In a more advantageous position will be a pair in which there is common child and shared care. But if a woman is not afraid of a vague future, then perhaps her romance will be an exception and will surprise everyone with its longevity.

Psychologists note that in an unequal union, a mature partner deifies the young chosen one. She tries to provide him with maximum comfort in everyday life. Such actions can truly do a disservice to a man. Many women do not mind at all that their beloved was at home all day, waiting for her from work. She seeks to protect the man from financial problems.

In this case, the man becomes weak, unable to make decisions on his own. As a result, a woman raises a big child and is forced to pull through everyday difficulties throughout her life alone. In the end, she realizes that she did not dream of such a relationship. A self-sufficient man will certainly oppose excessive guardianship from the older chosen one.

He will insist on his independence, expressing strong emotions. Often this leads to conflict in the couple. Therefore, an experienced woman must restrain such impulses and be responsible for all areas of life alone. Psychologists recommend that the couple determine the terms of reference of each at the dawn of living together.

In an unequal marriage, the financial side sometimes turns into a significant hindrance. Often an adult woman has already achieved a lot in life. She has her own home, stable job or business. At first glance, this is a big plus, because the couple will not experience such material difficulties that the young are experiencing.

But often the financial solvency of the spouse causes in the soul of the young partner the protest of the earner. This leads to misunderstanding and quarrels in a couple. In this case, the woman should give the chosen one the opportunity to develop in the area to which he is located. As a result, he will rise to his feet, feel the strength in himself and become a true support for the couple.

Some psychologists believe that an alliance with a young partner is not very favorable for an adult woman, as it makes her live in prolonged stress. However, many find the strength to change their worldview in order to enjoy a relationship with a young man in the present.

In this case, the relationship of partners can develop into a deep stable relationship, which will weaken their age inequality. All couples tend to experience crisis times. Studies have shown that if the relationship (in which the man is younger) has experienced the first shocks within 5 years, then they are more likely to become durable than a union between peers.

And some secrets.

I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick jerk.

10 reasons why men like older women

Increasingly, in fashion magazines and secular TV shows, there are star couples where women are older than their partners. An obvious and striking example is the unions of such couples as:

• Maxim Galkin and Alla Pugacheva (27 years difference),
• Hugh Jackman and Deborah Lee-Lewis (age 14)
• Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey (age 11)
• Sergey and Irina Bezrukov (8 years old),
• Gerard Piqué and Shakira (10 years old)
• Yana Rudkovskaya and Evgeni Plushenko (8 years old).

In addition to the stars, similar situations occur in the everyday world. But why is this happening? How do men evaluate women? Why do men choose women older than themselves? There are several reasons for this development of events.

Ten reasons why men like older women

1. The representatives of the weaker sex are already self-sufficient and self-confident. They will not ask stupid questions that are aimed at increasing their self-esteem. In addition, girls will not choose a partner based on his financial capabilities. In most cases, girls have already managed to realize themselves in their careers and money does not play a significant role for them.
2. Knowing your shortcomings and advantages allows you to play an interesting game with the stronger sex. They perfectly seduce a partner, lure him and warm up the relationship.
3. They are not jealous over trifles, they do not call every fifteen minutes in order to conduct children's conversations.
4. The ability to find something to do when your fiancé is away is another reason why guys like older girls. Instead of demanding to spend a day off together, women keep themselves busy (meeting friends, going to the gym, etc.). Quite often, men are busy at work or want to meet friends, in which case the other half will calmly let go of the partner and find something to do.
5. The presence of children is not a problem, since in most cases they are already adults. Partners pay almost all the attention to their lovers, create comfort in the house. They do not build illusions and castles in the air about marriage and a magnificent wedding.
6. Most often, girls have experience behind their shoulders. They can share experiences and have conversations on completely different topics.
7. Wisdom is another distinctive features. Representatives of the weaker sex know how to restrain their emotions, they know when to remain silent and when to fight back.
8. I would like to note that the girls "older" are well-formed personalities. They do not listen to the opinions of others and are not led to “advice”. Basically, partners listen only to their inner voice and make decisions on their own.
9. Also a hallmark why men like women older is patience. Girls do not allow a quarrel to completely ruin a relationship. In case of conflicts, girls try to talk about it, instead of being offended for several days.
10. Sex is one of the main reasons for good and strong relationships. Women already know that men love, they know how to please and do not hesitate to talk about their desires. They are not afraid to experiment and try new things.

In addition to experience and all the positive qualities, older women always take care of themselves and try to look attractive. They know how to dress appropriately and select images depending on the event. It is all these traits that help warm up relationships, arouse interest and passion on the part of men. In true love and strong relationships, age does not play such an important role as the sincerity of feelings.

Why do women love young boys and men love older girls?

Often, ladies over 30 years old and Balzac age prefer to see a young man next to them, and not their peers. Guys tend to get close to an older woman. Now such unions have become quite popular, although 10-15 years ago such "non-traditional" couples were condemned by society. The verdict was adamant: there was nothing good from such a union and never will be. But is it?

Important! Today, taking care of yourself and having an attractive appearance at any age is very simple. How? Read history carefully Marina Kozlova Read →

Psychologists identify several main reasons why women love young boys:

Why do guys choose women older than themselves:

An older woman knows exactly what she wants from her partner and what she is ready to give to him. The maturity of the female personality, her self-confidence appeal to young people, so they choose experience and beauty, rather than the freshness of youth.

The "unconventional" union of two hearts is often destroyed due to mistakes that both partners can make. Some of the most common reasons for a gap in psychology are the following:

1. 1. Excessive jealousy. If you strive to completely capture the attention and time of your partner, this will lead to misunderstanding, coldness and termination of the relationship. A man and a woman should have time for friends, parents, children. Trying to take their place in your partner's life would be the wrong thing to do.
2. 2. Eagerness to teach. An older woman sees the mistakes of youth well, but if she teaches a young man at every step, he will quickly get tired of it. One of the joys of youth is the feeling of free choice, and you shouldn't take it away from a guy.
3. 3. Everyday problems. There is no need to violate a person’s personal space, and if a woman does not strive to spend every free evening with a young chosen one, you should not be offended and reproach her for dislike and heartlessness. The same applies to financial matters. A guy who asks or often borrows money from his other half will quickly turn into a hindrance for a woman and get tired of her.

Softness and tact are the main weapons of a wise woman who wants good for her lover.

After a certain period, the union of two people different ages may become strong and happy, or one day fall apart due to the loss of interest of both partners in the relationship.

And some secrets.

I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick jerk.

Psychologist Elena Shamova analyzes the reasons why men choose women much older than themselves

Five reasons for choosing a woman of Balzac age

The relationship between men and women is one of the main topics studied by psychologists. Everything in it is attractive: the relationships themselves, their construction, the stages of the relationship, and the partners themselves. If until recently, the “standard” of relationships, if I may say so, was considered a couple where the man was older than his partner, now, as experience shows, there are more and more relationships in which a woman can be much older than her lover. How and why is this happening? Why do some men consciously choose younger women, while the second, and most of them, prefer women of Balzac age?

Reason one - fear of injury. A more mature woman will initially approach relationships much more seriously and, accordingly, value her union with a man, not throwing tantrums over trifles and threatening to "leave to her mother." Mature women, as a rule, are emotionally more stable (although age, of course, is not a panacea in this matter) and in a relationship with them, a man feels calm and stable. In addition, such a partner is smart, interesting and versatile. You can talk with her on any topic, from football to the work of Renaissance artists. The likelihood that such a lady will have a lover or even go to another is much lower, although there are exceptions.

The next version of a relationship in which a partner can be much older than her man is known in psychology mother-son relationship. They arise when a man has a difficult relationship with his own mother, in which he constantly experienced pressure or overprotection. Subsequently, the role of the mother takes on a mature partner, and the partner, on an unconscious level, seeks to receive from her that same warmth and care. In a relationship with a young girl, a man has to take responsibility and make decisions, and if his mother did it for him for a long time, he will avoid responsibility, and shun his peers.

Another reason a man chooses an older woman is her sexual experience. A man who makes such a choice is well aware that girls of his age are less experienced in intimate life and will not be able to teach him much. On the contrary, with a more mature and sexually experienced partner, he will be able to get unreal pleasure. By the way, men who experience certain problems in the sexual sphere are also prone to such a choice. This is explained by the fact that an older lady is more experienced and will treat a sexual problem with understanding, hence the risk of psychological trauma from her in the event of a sexual fiasco is much less than from a young lady.

The fourth reason for this choice is that with an older woman, a man feels more confident. This is especially true for men suffering from low self-esteem and self-doubt. For such men, a mature woman is a reliable rear and emotional support and support. It is easier to negotiate and reach mutual understanding with her, because such a lady already clearly knows what and when she wants, there is no need to play “guessing games” and speculate about her desires, she will say everything directly. Yes, and she treats her partner more carefully due to her psychological maturity and already considerable partnership experience.

And fifth, and finally, a rather banal situation, when a young man - Alphonse, who does not have a stable material solid ground under his feet and does not want to bother about this topic - chooses a woman much older than himself, wealthy, held as a person who takes him under his financial guardianship. I think there is no need for clarification here.

The material presents the most common reasons for the formation of such unequal relationships. However, each case can be individual in its own way, and the appearance of vivid feelings and falling in love in a couple of unequal age is also not excluded.

Elena Shamova - psychologist - sexologist, family systemic therapist.

An older woman a younger man: how to behave

Even the most exciting and brilliant romance that breaks out between a mature woman and her young lover is often overshadowed by a cloud: when a woman is older than a younger man, she begins to torment herself with thoughts that sooner or later her young lover will leave her.

Why do young men prefer older women?

According to family psychotherapist Ekaterina Kalieva, “the fear of an inevitable break increases anxiety and reduces self-esteem.

And this certainly affects the quality of the relationship. They become less warm and sincere, more distant.

If a woman is older than a younger man, in such a relationship the partner can actually start looking somewhere on the side for what he lacks in the family. That is, as we see, the difference in age has nothing to do with it: it is fear that has a destabilizing effect.”

The fear of an inevitable breakup is nothing more than a feeling of guilt returning to a woman for allowing herself to have an affair with a young lover.

Try to get rid of this unreasonable fear, put your desire to be close to the chosen one above social stereotypes, especially since they have long been outdated. Drive away unnecessary guilt from yourself and fully enjoy convincing yourself that you have the right to it, no matter what.

Sometimes in a relationship, when a woman is older and her man is younger, she forbids herself to enjoy life calmly and begins to complex about what needs only to be happy.

Unfortunately, these complexes and doubts often create a lot of unpleasant moments not only for themselves, but also for their young chosen ones: women older than their men deliberately refuse love, and mutual, only because they don’t want to “spoil life” for their young lovers .

Women's mistakes

The fear of losing a young lover or husband due to a difference in age sometimes pushes a woman to commit truly stupid acts. Arranging stormy scenes for their lover and sorting out relations with him, some imprudent persons now and then blame him for doing something or doing this, and not otherwise, just because she is old for him.

At the same time, the woman pursues a specific goal, hoping to make her life partner repeat once again: “What are you, dear, you are not old at all, and I still love you.” Perhaps, for the time being, a man will pronounce these words. If a woman is older than a younger man, the calculation of the lady in this case is more than incorrect: constantly reminding her beloved of her age, she will eventually convince him that she is really old for him.

Thus, a woman, deliberately undermining her happiness, gradually destroys it with her own hands. So do not provoke your beloved and do not inspire him with those truths that will later turn against you and play a cruel joke on you.

Another mistake that a woman makes when she connects fate with a young man lies in her attitude towards her chosen one. Many ladies seriously consider their companion an unreasonable baby, incapable of independent actions, and try to take care of him in every possible way. What can come of this, let's consider a specific example, when a woman is older, and the man she likes is younger.

Alla was 36 years old when she married 24-year-old Alexei. She loved her husband so much that she did not allow him to rest from this love. From the very beginning, their relationship was far from perfect.

Alla, being a powerful woman, immediately took on the role of leader and began to literally give orders to her husband. Alla decided everything for her husband, right down to where he should go and with whom to communicate. She visited his office almost every day, so it got to the point that the employees began to laugh at him.

In the end, Alexei also ran out of patience, and he decided to ask his wife not to come to his office. Alla took this request in her own way: deciding that Alexei had a young mistress at work, she staged a scene of jealousy.

Since then, violent showdowns have become regular. Finally, Alexei found a way out of the impasse: once he went on a business trip and met another woman who became his mistress. Without thinking twice, Alexei decided to break off relations with his jealous and quarrelsome half, packed his things and left her.

Unequal alliances are commonplace in our time. However, the public is still surprised by women dating men who are significantly younger than them.

Romances between young men and older women still surprise many people

There is an opinion that a man cannot sincerely love a woman who is suitable for him as a mother. Like, a generational conflict is inevitable, and sooner or later a young man will get bored with an adult chosen one and want a young body. But, as practice shows, not all such unions are doomed ...

French President Emmanuel Macron, 40, and his 65-year-old wife Brigitte are celebrating their eleventh wedding anniversary this year. Once again we will not retell, but we will only recall that the politician became interested in the ex-teacher a quarter of a century ago. Over the years, their feelings have only gotten stronger. Monsieur Macron, apparently, for a long time.

“If I was 20 years older than my wife, no one would have thought to ask if we are suitable for each other. Since she is a couple of decades older than me, people around her constantly say that our feelings are insincere, and we cannot be together, ”the president shared with a Le Parisien correspondent.

French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte do not notice the 25-year age difference

British actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson does not complain about his marriage either. 10 years ago, a young man fell in love with director Sam Taylor-Wood, who cast him in her film Becoming John Lennon. Then the public was skeptical about this union, and Aaron was mistaken for a gigolo. Spiteful critics were sure that the relationship would be short-lived: they say, the young actor had not yet worked up. Gloomy predictions did not come true: Taylor Johnson is still.

According to Aaron, the tangible difference in age for them Sam does not play any role - rather, on the contrary, it plays into their hands.

“There is no distance between us, I certainly do not notice it. Friends often call me Benjamin Button because I am a real old man at heart, but Sam is young, ”the actor said in an interview with The Times.

There are many such examples and the list is endless. However, the fact remains that more and more young men prefer not their peers, but women who are noticeably older than themselves. Moreover, many representatives of the stronger sex quite consciously choose mature ladies as their life companions.

In 2006, American researchers conducted a survey among couples in which the woman is at least 10 years older than her boyfriend. During the survey, it turned out that most of all in their chosen ones, men value their age, the life wisdom attached to it and other qualities that, as a rule, come with experience.

Young men value in their mature passions, first of all, rich life experience

Interest in this topic was fueled by the book Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance. The authors of the bestseller, which has been repeatedly reprinted in the West, are two women who have rich experience in relationships with the opposite sex.

At one time, columnist and motivational speaker Felicia Brings and journalist Susan Winter set about asking as many men as possible who dated women much older than themselves. All for the sake of one goal - to find out why 20- and 30-year-old guys are not at all interested in peers. The concept did not come out of thin air: both Felicia and Susan were in relationships with the so-called toy-boys for a long time and know firsthand what it's like to live with a young boyfriend under the same roof. It turned out that the young men admire not so much the appearance as the character traits of the older ladies. What exactly? We will tell you about it right now.

An offer you can't refuse

It is believed that men, especially young ones, are afraid of mature and successful women like fire. However, as Brings and Winter found out, this stereotype is long outdated. On the contrary, many inexperienced guys tend to have an affair with older ladies. All because passion 40+ is enough confident and know exactly what they want- both from life and from your partner.

“I met Karolina at a party of our mutual friends. As soon as I saw her among the guests, I immediately realized that she was created for me. I did not pursue the goal of finding an older woman at all, and Carolina was not looking for a toy boy. Everything somehow happened by itself. I was then 39 years old, and she was 55. Our relationship is not built on sex, but on mutual trust, respect and love, ”Paolo shared with the authors of the book.

Young men like that their mature passions can maintain their composure in any situation.

So, why do older women catch young guys so much? One of the respondents, who identified himself as Neil, believes that the whole point is that mature women are honest with themselves and others and do not throw tantrums. As it turned out, many dream not of naive girls with whom there is something to do in the bedroom, but nothing to talk about, but of those with whom you can do both. Neil does not like that most of his peers are looking for a partner to create a family, and mature women not too eager to get married. He is pleased that the older mistresses do not see him only as a potential father of their children and the breadwinner of the family.

After a relationship with a mature woman, not everyone is drawn to young girls. Some men believe that there are only problems from peers: they are too infantile and invent problems from scratch.

According to one of the respondents, having started dating an older woman, he himself became more confident in himself. The young man is grateful to the ex-lover for the fact that she was ready to listen to him, but at the same time did not invade her personal space.

Valuable personnel

You can argue as much as you like that beauty rules the world, and men only dream of having an affair with a long-legged blonde. However, many representatives of the stronger sex are actually admired by down-to-earth realists who do not have to be beauties at all.

“In “adult” women, I value, above all, emotional stability. I met with both young and mature, but only with the second everything went well. They have always been frank with me. I didn’t even trust close friends as much as they did,” said a young man named Fred.

For many young people, not only sexual intimacy is important, but also emotional

By the way, Fred has an interesting personal life. When he was 21, he started dating 37-year-old Gretchen. For two years they lived together and even after parting continued to communicate closely. The couple's relationship was built on strong friendship, so the former lovers often see each other today and support each other in difficult situations. After breaking up with Gretchen, Fred tried dating girls who had just turned 20. According to the young man, it did not last long. As soon as his passions opened their mouths, he was ready to run away.

After a series of unsuccessful romances with peers, he met Lynn, who was 10 years older than him. No matter how trite it may sound, but only with her he could feel truly happy.

“Mature women have long found themselves. They exude stability. In addition, they are more experienced. You understand that you are dealing with a person who will directly tell you what he wants. They are much more confident than people my age. Personally, it is much more pleasant for me to meet a woman older than myself: you don’t have to always solve some puzzles, but you can immediately discuss the problem, ”Fred said during an interview.

Lenny agreed with him. According to the man, he is attracted to older women by an incredible inner calmness. Many mistakenly assume that such unions are similar to the relationship of mother and son. Lenny claims that this is not at all the case: his adult passions simply had no time to mess with him - they were busy with their careers.

“Adult women have completely changed my preferences. I feel terribly sad with young girls, ”the young man shared his opinion.

Lenny revealed that his last relationship was perfect, but he had to end it anyway. All because he dreamed of a child, and his passion did not want to give birth at an age when many are already becoming grandmothers.

Let them talk

Many men often have to face criticism from others because they prefer women older than themselves.

“Men were just jealous of me, because I achieved the location of such a beauty. They looked at me like I had something they never got their hands on. It is curious that my peers also did not approve of a relationship with a mature woman. Well, to be honest, I didn’t care: every morning I woke up with the feeling that the whole world was at my feet. Probably, it seemed to others that I just want to assert myself in this way. But I just felt good with my beloved. I was proud of her and who I became next to her, ”said a man named Barry about his ex.

bed scene

“The advantage is that they are not afraid to talk about their desires. No need to play guessing game. Sex with older women, in my opinion, is the best, ”a guy named Scott opened up.

He was supported by other young people. “It was a phenomenal experience! I kept thinking about how to please her. Fortunately, I didn’t have to rack my brains: she herself told me. It was very cool. It felt like I had broken some huge barrier. In general, in sexual terms, we completely coincided, ”admitted Russ.

Who would have guessed that such men are turned on by ... rich life experience their mistresses. “The mere thought that an older woman can teach me a lot turns me on. It's kind of an erotic adventure for me," says Vincent.

Many of the men surveyed said that they had the best sex with ladies who are noticeably older than them. They agreed that mature women are the most skillful mistresses.

A solid age difference between spouses often causes public condemnation.

People around immediately see this as a selfish interest (“Married for money”) or psychological inferiority (for example, an Oedipus complex).

Is unequal marriage a good choice for many women, or is it a departure from the norm?

Why choose an older man

Many young girls will prefer a man much older than themselves to a "green" peer. This is completely normal at a young age. Psychologists explain craving for an adult partner for several reasons:

1. Girls mature earlier than boys - sexually. At the age of 18, they are ready for a serious relationship, which is not to be expected from their peers of the stronger sex.

Such a young lady agrees to offer her youth to someone who appreciates her in full, even if she is 10 years older.

2.The figure of the father plays an important role. It's no secret that girls are subconsciously looking for someone who looks like an adored parent. They show interest in teachers, neighbors, daddy's colleagues and friends.

Many professors, by the way, do not mind having an affair with an appetizing student. Even if such a connection did not lead to marriage, a girl can remember the positive experience and in the future reach out to older companions.

3. The material side is also important.. The lady dreams of being surrounded by romance - giving bouquets, driving a car, taking her to restaurants, gifting her with perfume and cosmetics. It is unlikely that a poor student will be able to pull such requests.

4. The experience of an older man attracts. Having a number of mistresses in the past, rich inner world, education, wisdom, confidence, reliability, independence, purposefulness, sexual literacy, understanding of women's needs ...

There are many things in a grown man that are not found in a young boy. All this attracts and gives the gentleman a special charm.

Today's youth does not even know what they want to become by the age of 25. Guys do not know how to earn, save and correctly allocate expenses. They dream of hanging out with friends, traveling and having fleeting romances.

A girl at this age is already ready to build a family, give birth to children, apply for a mortgage, but will her chosen one be able to give her stability?

Mature views on life, an adequate attitude towards offspring and financial security attract older men.

Sometimes people do not feel at the age that is written in the passport. A man at 45 may look 30, he is full of energy, energetic, cheerful and young at heart.

And a twenty-year-old girl, in turn, is mature enough to dream not of discos, but of procreation.

She happily runs the household, knits sweaters for her beloved and talks with her mother-in-law on philosophical topics. Such a couple, despite the difference in age, lives harmoniously and is not boring.

The age difference between spouses: the main reasons

To compile a complete list of reasons why girls rely on the older generation, let's add a few words about the Electra complex, sexual dissatisfaction and ladies' commercialism.

1) If you dive deeper into the psychological background, you can find out about the Electra complex. It is he who becomes the popular reason why women choose men older than themselves.

The fact is that they not only want the chosen one to remind them of their father. They want to play the role of a daughter, so that the spouse is both a patron, and a sponsor, and an educator, and a protector in one bottle. In a word, "daddy".

2) quality sex. Suppose a girl at the age of 19 is not yet too spoiled for caresses. But even she understands that the fast-paced, quick-firing, inexperienced, fussy student will someday get better.

When he grows up, he will learn to please women and forget about youthful selfishness and haste.

But does she want to wait ten years, instruct, enlighten and become a "rabbit for experiments"? Much easier to have a mature lover and enjoy life now.

3) Do not exclude another common cause: the desire to come to everything ready. This is often blamed on young maidens who seduce fathers of families and other “married men”. Two vectors converge here.

A man who has entered the era of a midlife crisis begins to look for freshness and inspiration on the side. He wants to be interesting, strong, young and desirable, a kind of hero of ladies' dreams.

And the young lady matures in her decision to get a valuable copy and not waste her energy on nurturing some youngster.

It is believed that the faithful and patient brides of ordinary soldiers become generals' wives.

But just think about it: to bring your peer to the level of a businessman middle class, save up for a house, car and travel, have to spend tons of energy!

In the case of a mature partner, there is an opportunity to get everything at once, without stuffing bumps about "heaven in a hut."

Therefore, commercialism, even if subconscious, is present in such a choice. On the other hand, many virgins agree to marry an adult who has alimony, mortgage debt, several loans and the role of "day off dad" on his shoulders.

There is only one word that comes to mind - love.

Today, many men prefer to build relationships with women who are much older than them. Why has this trend taken off? According to modern research, every twelfth woman meets a man who is younger than her and does not feel discomfort. This craving is due to both physiological and psychological reasons.

Positive aspects of mature women

Marriages in which the partner is 10, 15 or even 20 years older than the man are no longer a rarity. Celebrity couples often consist of partners with a big age difference. Why do men like older women? There are many advantages that are characteristic of ladies of mature age.

Men are attracted to:

• Self confidence. An unequal marriage has ceased to be a rarity, as experienced women know their strengths and weaknesses, skillfully disguise flaws and emphasize their merits. They know how to please a partner. In addition, a woman older than a man skillfully regulates conflicts, so the likelihood of quarrels is minimized. it main reason why men love mature ladies.
• Responsibility and purposefulness. Young people often need a mentor. In adulthood, a woman strives to achieve her goals and teaches her partner the same. This is important for him, so such a spouse becomes a godsend, he really likes her.
• Independence. A woman who is more than 10-15 years older than her partner will not demand love, money or constant attention. She is independent, meeting with a certain frequency suits her, since her life is already arranged.
• Honesty. The partner does not live in a world of illusions, she does not need drama in a relationship. She knows that partners should respect each other, that this is the key to a successful marriage.
• Experience. A mature lady already knows what she wants from a relationship and does not hide it. Stability and strength is the motto of an unequal marriage. It will not be dominated by rash emotions.
• Ability to keep up a conversation. An unequal marriage attracts men because a woman can support any conversation. She is smart and experienced, she knows what to say in what situation, and when it is better to remain silent.
• Variety in sex. A mature partner is smart enough to please both herself and her partner in bed. If she is 10-20 years older, you can learn a lot from her.

It is worth noting that all these points are purely psychological, which is why the age of the partner is sometimes not important. It happens that a young girl is psychologically mature enough to match them. Young people do not like external, but internal signs of maturity.

We are looking for a reason in childhood

It happens that young people subconsciously choose an unequal marriage, not understanding the true psychology of their desires.

Often young people prefer mature ladies for the following reasons:

• Lack of maternal love in childhood. They may not have been told "I love you" or "Mom loves you". Many men instinctively look for a woman older than themselves, because they did not receive maternal care and attention.
• A young man is not confident enough in his abilities, and a woman older than a man gives him a sense of security.
• A woman becomes a partner as a senior comrade or guardian, who will provide him both financially and morally.

As we can see, the main reason why unequal marriages are created is convenience. And convenience for both men and women.

Some statistics

As numerous polls show, men who are married often start an affair with a mature woman. This explains many of the factors we talked about above. Men are attracted that a woman does not insist on marriage, because her life is already arranged. So, 57% of the stronger sex had an affair with an older woman.

Most men prefer a romantic relationship with a lady who is 10 years older. They explain this by saying that this age is the sexiest for a woman. As psychologists are sure, the flowering of female sexuality falls on her 40 years of life, while male sexuality at 20. If you believe these figures, then unequal marriages are a completely understandable phenomenon, and 20 years of difference is not a huge figure, but the most suitable one.

An outside perspective on unequal marriages

When a man falls in love with an older lady, he begins to weigh all the pros and cons of such a relationship. To understand the problem from the inside, let's look at the situation from different angles.

The public is categorically against this kind of relationship. If a partner who is much older than a partner can still be taken for granted, then a woman who is 10-15 years older than a man is not perceived by society in any way. Because of this, couples with a large age difference have some problems. Often this is the reason that becomes decisive when a relationship is broken.

Women who choose a young man as a partner, as a rule, have little interest in the opinion of the public. They are self-confident and believe that the partner must also be morally mature in order not to depend on outside opinions. And if such a person is really found, then such a union can last a very long time.

Unfortunately, psychology believes that too much age difference leads to an inevitable gap. Different moral principles and outlooks on life can provoke conflicts that simply cannot be resolved. Then the break will be the only way out.

Pros and cons of unequal marriages

Unequal marriages are always a risk, but with a good choice of partner, you can get a lot of privileges.

Benefits of the age difference:

• A man will never cheat on a mature partner. This is due to many factors. A woman is self-confident, she does not follow every step of her partner, skillfully regulates conflicts, supports various conversations and knows how to satisfy a man in bed. He just does not want to seek consolation from the outside, because in marriage he is really comfortable. His psychology is satisfied, why should he look for additional entertainment.
• A man is brought up under the guidance of a partner. In order not to get lost in his life, he becomes a student of his wife, who willingly transfers her experience to him.
• A man in such a marriage feels special. After all, his wife is older, smarter, more reliable than the partners of most of his friends. His self-esteem rises, and after it, his attitude towards his wife improves.

There are practically no conflicts in such marriages, so they can be safely called promising. But in this matter, one cannot do without a fly in the ointment.

Cons of unequal marriages:

• If the partner wants to feel like a master in the family, the head of the house, then the woman must act wisely and give way to the leader in some way. If she is not capable of this, the marriage is in jeopardy.
• When an adult wise woman becomes not interested in a young man, she can simply cool down to this relationship.
• If the partner idealizes the partner too much, and male psychology prone to this, there is a risk of great disappointment as the relationship develops.

Thus, unequal marriages and age differences are a promising phenomenon, but only if both partners are wise. If they find in each other what they themselves lack, then both will be happy in a relationship.