How to stop giving in to pressure. Moral pressure

» The ability to say "No"

Time to say "No"
(About psychological pressure and manipulation)

"Whenever I say yes, I see in advance
how much "no" will it cost me"
Stanislav Jerzy Lec

Probably every person at least once got into a situation where it was necessary to say “no”. But he didn’t dare, and as a result, he dragged along a trail of dubious responsibility, uninteresting and unimportant things for him, dissatisfaction with himself, or just a vague feeling “something is wrong here.”

Life is full of situations like this.

Beloved grandmother, persistently giving away her priceless 30-year-old carpet, earned with sweat and blood, to your new wonderful apartment;
The boss, who again hung up an overtime unpaid task with a deadpan look and again it was on you;
The friend for whom you became the last hope to borrow money / put in a good word to someone / drink because of his next breakup - for the third time in a year and “I knew you would not let you down”;
The wife's aunt, who was sure that it was not at all difficult to go to feed her cat through half the city while she was resting on the sea;
The seller from whom the last unnecessary thing was bought, because he was attentive, kind (and perfectly mastered the technique of sales);
And so on.

Why is it so difficult to refuse other people, even knowing full well that you can’t get anything useful for yourself from this undertaking?

Agree or refuse - a double-edged sword. And if you still answer “no”, this also has different consequences. You can drop your "goodness" in the eyes of people. Get into open aggression or secret condemnation. Really upset someone. It is impossible to shift responsibility for your decisions and life to others (the positions “My parents chose the university for me, and now I work as an economist and am dissatisfied with life” or “I am so busy taking care of my family that I don’t have enough time for myself” will no longer work).

But still, human resources, material and mental, are limited. And our task is to distribute and increase them in the best way for development and happiness. It is important to remember that the more time and effort is spent on other people's desires, problems and tricks, the less time is left for one's own interests and affairs. The more self-sacrifice happens for the sake of loved ones and takes on responsibilities, the more dependent they become on “the one who dedicated his life to them”, and he - on control over them. The less free will to say "yes" or "no" remains under the pressure of fear, shame, guilt, etc., the more aggression, tension and dissatisfaction with oneself accumulate inside. Undoubtedly, helping loved ones and being philanthropic is important and good. But not to your detriment. The ability to say a conscious "no" in a number of situations is an important skill.

In addition, reliability and indulgence of others have a bad effect on self-esteem and, paradoxically, on relationships with these people, because getting used to manipulating you, they see more and more the “thing” and not the person, and begin to “ride” more and more often.

According to the concept of A. Maslow and E. Shostrom, in each person, in its ratio, there is a manipulative and actualized part of the personality. The manipulation part is aimed at using others, control, pressure for personal gain. Actualized is creative, spontaneous, perceives herself and others as individuals, respects the needs, values and feelings of people. There is a variant of extreme manipulators, as well as people who have achieved good mental health - actualizers. But more often in some situations people can act as manipulators in relation to us, in others - we, or manipulations are mutual and not always conscious, so condemnation is not the best option for the psyche. At the same time, self-respecting, open behavior (including the right to refuse) is involuntarily able to actualize a communication partner who is inherently human and not indifferent to you. And to identify those who frankly use you and your resources only as a means, no matter how beautiful the motives sound from their lips.

"No, I don't mind, I just don't agree"
Maya Chetvertova

What is behind the fear of rejecting an interlocutor?

There may be several reasons. It is important to understand what drives you in a particular situation:

1. Healthy fear in front of physical / moral violence, humiliation, insults and other negative experiences, when a yielding strategy of behavior helps to alleviate the situation. Choosing between the option to agree to give the robber a wallet or to suffer physically, the right option, of course, is to take care of your life. When dealing with a boorish seller, a person in an inadequate state, an aggressive group, or being in a morally oppressed state, it is not at all necessary to defend one's rights at any cost (although with rudeness and rudeness, confident retaliatory aggression is more likely to take effect than goodwill). The situation should be determined by common sense. There are internal resources to resist psychological pressure- defend yourself, refuse, defend yourself, if they are not there - agree outwardly, step back, draw conclusions. And most importantly, don't judge yourself.

2. Fear of being rejected. It seems to a person that if he does not agree with the others, then they will treat him badly, they will not help him in difficult times, contacts will be lost. This is especially acute with significant people because everyone wants to be accepted and loved by loved ones. Such fear "grows" from childhood, namely from the period when the child unconsciously decided that "I am loved only as long as I am good." And the most terrible myth for the self-worth of a person arose: “love must be earned.” That a human being is loved not for who he is, but for how convenient his behavior, his manifestations of "loving", otherwise (here fear arises) - "he will be punished and deprived of love."

Of course, this is not true - no one has yet achieved sincere love neither a good character, nor an attractive appearance, nor a bank account. You are either loved or not. And rather, it depends on the ability to love within the “loving” one and his choice of you, rather than trying to please at any cost. But this is a beneficial myth both for a market economy, where a person is valuable to himself as a “commodity”, and for totalitarian regimes, where it’s not even about losing approval, but about losing your head.

A small child under four years old very clearly and confidently says “no” to everything that he does not want now, and it can be difficult for parents to cope. But if you punish him too severely, suppress manifestations of himself, endlessly fear for him and control him, he learns to treat himself and his desires in much the same way. Significant adults could not convey in the educational process that “Now I’m angry with you, because you did badly and will be punished, but I still love you,” or even worse - they themselves were brought up on the myth “love must be earned.” Then the fear of rejection can be very strong in life. We get used to agree, to be good, or as an alternative - to constantly explode with aggression, protest, rejection of relationships, which does not always go away with adolescence or develops into cynicism. Manipulations in the spirit of “If you don’t behave properly, then ... your mother will not love you / she will feel very bad / they will give you to another uncle” - games on children's feelings. They are harmful and lead to the fact that in adult life the abnormality of the consumer attitude towards oneself and others is poorly realized.

If you find yourself in such a fear, it is important to realize that no matter how people react to disagreeing to indulge them, those who care about you will not refuse you. Relatives will not stop loving, and with confident repeated behavior, they eventually recognize the right to be like that too. There will be respect in the relationship. Only "false" friends will move away. Relatives should be accepted as they are, without losing yourself for their benefit.

3. Fear of offending. A person can really be offended by a refusal, worry, can show a different reaction. You need to give him the right to do this and prepare in advance. You can express the refusal in a mild form. Those who were successfully pressured with the help of guilt, shame, duty are more afraid of offending. If a partner gets his way by “hooking” you emotionally, it’s worth figuring out whether the refusal will really entail serious consequences for the other side, important obligations may have been taken (refusal to pay child support is clearly not justified by the fact that “the ex-wife wants to manipulate me”), or over you just want to get power in the situation. “If you are like that, I will leave you”, “I put my whole life on you, and you are ungrateful”, “If you really love me, then ...”, etc. are provocative phrases. There may also be provocative silence.

There is a fear of offending. But those who scream their hurt feelings the loudest tend to care the least about strangers; and about what the accused of all “mortal sins” experiences in relation to relatives. Take care of yourself - don't give in.

4. Self-doubt. The reasons closely echo the fear of being rejected and offended. Overconfident, arrogant behavior, by the way, is " reverse side» uncertainty. Healthy confidence has reasonable limits. Insecure people may be afraid to run into ill will, rudeness, aggression if they say “no”. They rarely allow themselves to be assertive, angry, and if they are angry, then to the point of rage. But they are often annoyed in comfortable conditions, for example, at home, over trifles (soap wet in a soap dish and hysteria about this is it).

The aggressive charge does not go anywhere, therefore, if it is not shown to the real addressee, constructively and on time, it accumulates inside until it becomes impossible to control it. Then he pours out on relatives, rudeness in public places, humiliation of the weak. Or undermines health, turning into psychosomatic illnesses. There is such a thing - auto-aggression. This is aggression accumulated and directed against oneself. It manifests itself in a craving for self-destruction, masochism, alcoholism, depression ... Taking a passive, infantile, unfailing position, you can harm your health. Aggressive feelings are not initially bad, they activate the body to fight, to protect itself. Having forbidden yourself anger as “bad,” you begin to be afraid of refusing, because you remain defenseless internally and cannot stand up for yourself. Therefore, it is useful to communicate your true feelings (of course, without losing your head and insults), since a person does not always understand what exactly offends another.

Life throws up many reasons for stress. If it is not possible to express such feelings directly (as with the authorities), you can find an outlet for tension in creativity and sports.

If you are still afraid to refuse, fearing rudeness, “moral harassment”, and so on, then at least admitting to yourself a feeling of anger at this state of affairs and tearing a couple of sheets of paper to shreds is already a good step.

5. Stereotype about the "rules of decency"". When parents and close associates teach “good manners” and impeccable courtesy to strangers, these beliefs interfere with a firm “no” later. Self-esteem and confidence may be all right, but what works is believing that being reliable is the right thing to do. You have the right to revise your beliefs on your own, change the rules taken from childhood.

6. The need to be irreplaceable. The hidden benefit from the fact that you are considered very accommodating, they cannot do without you over time, they are accustomed to counting on you, no doubt there is. It can inflate self-esteem. Or reduce the fear of losing important contacts. Or give the opportunity to reproach "I do so much for you." Feel your influence and even power over the destinies of others (“They can’t do without me”, “Everything rests on me”). Is it worth it? Everyone decides for himself.

1. If you are not sure about your desire to do something, do not rush to agree. We are often rushed to answer, not allowing us to really understand our attitude and understand the issue. You can say "I need to think", "Now I can not answer you." Look at the reaction of the interlocutor. If he is nervous or, on the contrary, extremely self-confident and tries in every possible way to persuade him to make a decision immediately (“Promotion for this wonderful tour only today!”, “Either now or never!”) - be careful.

2. Before you say a firm "No" you need to feel the determination. Otherwise, the interlocutor will push harder. That is why it is desirable to gain time. But when you have already decided on the decision "Yes" or "No", cut off doubts and act. After all, you can hesitate for a long time. To make it easier, write down on paper the pros and cons of refusal and consent, and then choose a more attractive option. If they are approximately equal, there is no reason to worry “whether I did the right thing”.

3. When it is difficult to say “No” directly, you can resort to the phrases “Unfortunately, I am not able to help you”, “Maybe another time”, “Thanks for asking, but I can’t”. You can mitigate the refusal with a compliment (“You are charming today!”, “You are so competent”), ask the interlocutor about something pleasant (“How did you relax at sea?”). If he is disposed towards you, he will accept the refusal less painfully. It's good to end the conversation on a positive note.

4. To get away from the influence of a partner who is too oppressive, physically move away from him (go around the table, move to the window), use closed protective postures (crossed arms, legs) - they will reduce susceptibility; break his concentration on you with a sudden illogical question, an exclamation, switching your attention to the restaurant menu, a magazine, a window (your nails, after all). His attention will follow you, if only for a little while. You will have time to pack. An old psychological trick is to present the interlocutor in a funny perspective: without clothes, with a thin voice, etc.

5. Be prepared for the fact that in case of manipulation you will not be so easily retreated. Don't let yourself be drawn into emotional experiences. They can put pressure on pity (“You can’t bring a glass of water to a poor mother in old age!” When it comes to completely different issues), on shame (“ Normal person he won’t do that”, “What will people think”), to guilt (“Do you remember, once upon a time ...”), to pain (“Your dead father would not allow this!”), to fear (“You will dance with me! ") And so on. They like to use the words "always", "never", to generalize, to refer to extraneous opinions. Listen, without getting involved in disassembly and evidence of “whose truth is truer”, because this is what the manipulator needs. When his flow of words dries up, calmly repeat the refusal, briefly stating the reason. Everything can start over 3-4 times, repeat "No" and keep your composure.

It will be difficult at first. Then it is much easier, because this is a matter of experience.

Of course, there are important issues where your consent is a serious help for a person. And just to agree to do something good is very nice! This article is not at all a call for callousness and categoricalness! And for closing the road to impure intentions, manipulation and pressure.

6. Caustic remarks and insults - just a desire to recoup "at least that way" and a sure sign of your victory. What's left for the manipulator? To prick at least with the fact that “It’s impossible to agree with you”, “What’s the point of arguing”, “Yes, they told me what kind of person you are, but I didn’t believe it.” Treat it accordingly.

7. Finally, if you have time, I recommend that you read E. Shostrom's "Ten Psychological Human Rights". The information is available on the Internet and it greatly facilitates the understanding of one's own and others' free will. After all, as economic, political, social, there are psychological rights. But it is not in everyone's interest that we use them. Good luck!

When we hear the word "violence", we first of all imagine an aggressive person using force on a weaker one. However, violence can manifest itself not only in the form of physical aggression, but also in the form of psychological pressure and coercion. And many psychologists are sure that emotional and verbal violence is much more dangerous for a person than physical, since it does not cripple the body, but the psyche and. A person who is regularly subjected to psychological violence gradually loses confidence in himself and his "I" and begins to live with the desires and attitudes of the aggressor, making efforts to achieve his goals.

Signs and types of psychological abuse

Psychological violence, unlike physical violence, is not always obvious, since it can manifest itself not only in the form of screaming, swearing and insults, but also in the form of subtle manipulation of a person’s emotions and feelings. In most cases, the goal of the one who uses psychological violence is to force the victim to change their behavior, opinion, decision and act as the aggressor-manipulator wants. However, it should be noted that there is a separate category of people who use psychological violence and pressure in order to morally break the victim and make her completely dependent on their will. To achieve their goal, the aggressors use the following types of psychological violence:

Protection from psychological abuse

Psychological pressure is easiest for people who do not have strong personal boundaries and do not know how to defend their own rights. Therefore, in order to protect yourself from psychological violence, you must first of all, designating for yourself your rights and obligations in each of the spheres of life. Next, you need to act according to the situation, depending on what type of psychological violence the aggressor uses.

Opposition to the lover to command

When faced with a commanding and ordering person, two questions need to be asked: “Am I obligated to follow this person’s orders?” and "What happens if I don't do what he wants?" If the answers to these questions are “No” and “Nothing bad for me,” then the self-proclaimed commander should be put in his place with something like this: “Why are you telling me what to do? It is not my duty to carry out your orders." Further orders and commands should simply be ignored.

Practical example: Employees A and B work in the same office in the same positions. Employee A regularly transfers part of his duties to employee B, without providing any counter services in return. In this case, the opposition to the aggressor will look like this:

A: You are just printing out something, well, print out my report, and then put it in a folder and take it to the accounting department.

B: Do I work here as your secretary? It is not my job to print your documents and deliver them anywhere. I've got a lot of work to do, so take care of your report yourself and don't distract me, please.

Protection from verbal aggression

The goal is to make the victim embarrassed, upset, stressed, start making excuses, etc. Therefore, the best defense against verbal aggression is not to live up to the aggressor's expectations and react in a completely different way from what he expects: to joke, remain indifferent or feel sorry for the offender. Also effective way protection from such psychological violence is the method of "psychological aikido" developed by the famous psychologist M. Litvak. The essence of this method is to apply depreciation in any conflict situations - smoothing out the conflict by agreeing with all the statements of the aggressor (as a psychiatrist agrees with everything that the patient tells him).

Practical example: The husband calls names and tries to humiliate his wife every time he is in a bad mood. Protection from psychological abuse in this case may be as follows:

M: You don't know anything at all! You are a disgusting hostess, you can’t even clean the house properly, there’s a feather lying around under the sofa!

Zh: Yes, I'm so clumsy, it's so hard for you with me! Surely you know how to clean better than me, so I will be grateful if you help me clean the house next time.

Confronting Ignorance

It is important to remember that intentional ignoring is always manipulation, so you should not give in to the pressure of the manipulator and try to appease him so that he changes his anger into mercy. A person who is inclined to be constantly offended and “turn on the ignore” in response to any actions that do not suit him, needs to be made clear that playing silent is his right, but he will not achieve anything with his behavior.

Practical example: Two sisters live in the same apartment separately from their parents. Younger sister(M) has been used to manipulating her older sister (C) since childhood. In cases where M does not like something, she begins to deliberately ignore C and triple her boycott. Countering psychological pressure in such cases is as follows:

S: I'm leaving in a week for a business trip for two months.

S: This business trip is important for my career. And nothing will happen to you in these two months. You do not Small child- Find something to entertain yourself.

M: Does that mean? Then you're not my sister anymore and I'm not talking to you!

Confronting the psychological pressure of duty or guilt

Strong personal boundaries are a reliable defense against the pressure of feelings of guilt and duty. Knowing the boundaries of his rights and duties, a person can always determine what is not included in his duties. And if a person notices that his boundaries are being violated, he should directly inform the aggressor about the limits of his responsibility and duties and make it clear that the manipulation has failed.

Practical example: A single mother (M) is trying to forbid her adult daughter from leaving to work in another city, putting pressure on her sense of duty. The response in this case could be:

M: How can you leave me alone? I raised you, raised you, and now you want to leave? Children should be a support for parents in old age, and you are leaving me!

D: I'm not leaving you - I'll call you, come to visit and help you with money. Or do you want me to lose the opportunity to get a high-paying job and not be able to fulfill my dreams?

M: What are you talking about? Of course, I want the best for you, but I will feel bad without you!

D: Mom, you are an adult, and I believe that you can find many interesting activities for yourself. I promise that I will call you regularly and visit you often.

Confronting bullying

Hearing from a friend, relative or colleague phrases with the meaning "if you do not do something, then misfortune will happen in your life" or "if you do not change your behavior, then I will do something bad for you", you need to ask yourself a question whether the threat is real. In the case where intimidation or threats have no real basis, the blackmailer can be invited to bring his threat to life right now. If your life, health or well-being and you are sure that he can fulfill the threat, then it is best to record his words on a voice recorder or video camera and then contact the police.

Practical example: Employee A has not fulfilled his part of the project and is trying to intimidate employee B to do his job. To resist pressure in such cases, you can do this:

A: Why are you going to leave if the work on the project is not finished yet? If we don't finish today, your boss will fire you. Do you want to be unemployed?

B: I have done my part of the work. I don't think I'll get fired for not doing your job.

A: The boss doesn't care who does what. He wants a result. So help me if you don't want to be kicked out.

Q: Do you think? Why wait until tomorrow? Let's go to the boss right now and ask him to fire me for refusing to do your part of the job.

Many people are aware that psychological violence is used against them, but they do not dare to fight back for fear of spoiling relations with someone who likes to command, manipulate or insult. In such cases, you need to decide for yourself what exactly such relationships are valuable for and whether it is better not to communicate with an aggressive person at all than to regularly endure his insults and act to your detriment, succumbing to his blackmail and manipulation.

Everyone knows very well how bad it is to be the object of pressure from someone else. A little confused - and you begin to act like an automaton, performing one of the children's programs: to flee, to fight, etc. How to get out of the usual rut?

The first thing to do in preparation for the defense is to stop your impulsive reaction and begin research work.

This can be done in different ways. Sometimes they recommend: count to ten. It is possible, but it works poorly. They also advise: carefully consider the person with whom you communicate, find some details that characterize him. For example, the features of clothing, facial expressions, gestures, or, say, the features of his workplace. It helps better.

Even more effective is to start tracking all the changes in the partner's state that occur in the course of his actions. Try to catch your eye: where does it go? Match the content of the words with hand movements or facial expressions. For example, it may turn out that the interlocutor does not look into your eyes, but somewhere on top of you or to the side, or maybe down (is he uncomfortable for himself?). It happens that formidable words contrast with the fuss of hands: he pulls a button, thoughtlessly shifts something on the table, etc. All this information allows you to make assumptions about the state, motives, intentions of the partner.

Once you have managed to get yourself into the explorer state, you can begin to figure out what kind of pressure you are experiencing. If it is pressure or humiliation that is recognized fairly quickly, then you can immediately begin to defend against it.

Protection against psychological pressure

So, you are under pressure: you are experiencing a clear compulsion. For example:

You are asked for something that you would really not like to do, but it is difficult to refuse, since you are dependent on the asker.
You are offered to do something, you refuse, but they try to pressure you with something:
- You don't want to take responsibility?
- It looks like you are afraid.
- I suspect that ... - some kind of insinuation follows.

It is worth recalling that pressure can be applied using rumors, petty nitpicks, veiled threats, hints, and the like.

1. Buy time by asking questions. Based on the above examples, in the first case it would be good to ask: "Can I disagree?" If the partner said that you are free to choose, then you can refer to this statement and refuse. If a suggestion has been made that you are addicted, try asking if there will be any repercussions from your refusal.

It is essential for you that the relationship between request and dependency be made clear and distinct. As a rule, the aggressor wants to avoid looking like an aggressor (especially in the presence of witnesses), and it may be that he prefers to refuse further pressure.

If this relationship was clearly indicated from the very beginning, then the point of the inquiries will mainly be to buy time to think through further tactics.

In the second case, the pressure from the interlocutor can be weakened by a series of clarifying questions:

What led you to think that I refuse to take responsibility? What am I not responsible for? To whom will I answer? Responsibility must be balanced by the granting of power, how will it be expressed?
Why do you think that I'm afraid? What could I be afraid of here? Do you find any other explanation for my refusal?
What are your suspicions based on? Why did you make this assumption? How can you verify your information? Have you checked this information?

The main point of these questions is to find out exactly the reasons why your partner has a power advantage. That is, you should:

2. Determine the type of force that the partner uses. You really need to identify the source of his power over you. Then you can more accurately organize a rebuff.

Maybe he only counts on a shout - it will be wise not to give in, but to wait until his noisy supply runs out, when he starts to scroll the same tricks a second time. Then the third... Or, perhaps, the pressure is organized through those present: "Just look...", "Well, tell me...", "It's clear to everyone that...". Do not hesitate, carefully study the reactions of those to whom these phrases seem to be addressed. The mere fact that you are looking at these people compels them to give you some kind of signal. Very rarely is there complete unanimity of observers. It may turn out that there is someone who will come to your defense. And, at least, you can always turn the silence of those present to your advantage.

The main thing - do not let yourself break, object calmly and slowly. Look for an opportunity to question the identified type of power or weaken it in some other way.

For example, there is a reference to authority - we weaken either the authority or the scope of applicability of the judgment: they say, for this case it is not suitable, or it is only partially suitable. If your partner focuses on your age - find arguments in favor of your age as well.

Don't belittle his arguments per se (keep the perspective of cooperation), but limit their applicability to some objective considerations. For example, a partner is counting on a previous good relationship with you or past services. Without diminishing the importance of those, show how difficult it is for you to do what is expected of you. Explain in detail the essence of your problems, show why they outweigh the strength of previous services. Of course, all this must be true.

If your partner is trying to influence you through a high rate of communication (attack), come up with a reason to stop: say that you need to call, turn off the kettle, leave - everything that can serve as a convenient excuse and allow you to interrupt the onslaught. Then set a slower pace of conversation that is comfortable for you. And every time he starts to rush you, ask again about any detail, "study the problem." The reception, of course, is bureaucratic, but if the partner can use an "unclean" method, then it is not always "clean" to resist. But this must be done just enough to stop the partner. You should refuse the reception as soon as it begins to destroy your relationship.

3. Find the new kind strength by which you are stronger. This could be: someone's support, past relationships, your role as a moneymaker or order organizer for the firm, etc.

For the sake of preserving the prospect of cooperation, it is better to avoid using retaliatory pressure in an explicit form. It is best if your arguments relate to any previous agreements. It's good if you can turn the logic of the questions in such a way that circumstances or objective requirements suggest a different solution - great if it suits both parties (the strength of your ability to analyze the problem is added to the strength of objective circumstances).

Make sure not to get carried away in carrying out attacks on a partner, not to revel in your qualifications as a debater. After all, you just need to balance the balance of power. Once you have completed the task of neutralizing the pressure, look for an opportunity to agree on how the problem can be solved, what needs to be done for this. You can then discuss how you will interact in similar situations in the future. That is:

4. Offer cooperation. Offer it by the very style of behavior, the nature of the agreements. The main protective effect will be that you have found ways to weaken (destroy) the pressure from the partner and oppose your own strength. And there is also a promising result: you accustom your partner to the fact that it is useless to put pressure on you.

As part of the cooperation orientation, the struggle for future relationships is more important than for near gains (note that the struggle, but not with a partner, but for relationships). Therefore, even if you lose in this situation and you have to give in, it would be useful to somehow indicate the prospect of development. There is no point in blaming or trying to infringe on the offender, it is better to leave something (perhaps only as if) unfinished, unclear, in order to keep the opportunity to return to this problem. Yes, you submit, yield, but you do not agree with this outcome, and expect to change something else.

Avoid threats. The return to the problem is the analysis of it. It will not be difficult for your partner to admit the incorrectness of his behavior after he has achieved his goal. While he is "kind", utter this confession from him. Later, the mere reminder of this conversation will become an obstacle to the repetition of psychological abuse. And even if the partner manages to overcome such an obstacle, the next portion of your influence will be attached to the previous one. Gradually, you will "tune" your partner to a more peaceful way.

So, pressure protection is as follows:

Start asking questions to gain time, control yourself, tune in to the organization of defense.
Find out what kind of force (advantage, leverage) the partner uses.
Find the kind of power you're strongest at and start using it.
Catch the moment when the balance of power has leveled off: there is no one who is stronger.
Go to cooperation: start solving problems together, agree on what to do next.

Discussion

A very useful article. These actions leave the possibility of further cooperation with the "offender", but do not get rid of them in the future :). Is there a way to get rid of such manipulations once and for all? How not to allow another to assert itself at my expense? :) Sincerely

04/30/2008 08:14:32, Yana

Comment on the article "Protection against psychological pressure"

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Hypnotic show "In the footsteps of Wolf Messing" March 2 at the Concert Hall Mir for the first time after a twelve-year break will host a show by the world-famous hypnotist and psychic Gennady Goncharov. The audience will become participants in the new program "In the footsteps of Wolf Messing" and feel the power of Goncharov's paranormal abilities. Goncharov's show is not an empty demonstration of "tricks" - in the course of his many years of practice, Gennady solves the real problems of thousands of people. Career and personal life, protection from ...

Well, now it’s clear why neither the director nor the teacher is doing anything in this case ... I would write 2 statements - 1 to the police with a request to protect my child from the claims and psychological pressure and from the threats of an aunt so and so .. (the boy’s mother).

Some parents are looking for a "magic pill": who would do something with my child so that he becomes like everyone else ... And almost always there is a "sticking" on children: either it's overprotection, or psychological pressure, or some other variations .. .

The method of hypoxic therapy is not a method of treatment or prevention of any specific disease. This is a method of hypoxic training, stimulation of the body, which increases its nonspecific resistance, thereby achieving the effect of treating and preventing many diseases, the body's resistance to various adverse effects, and increasing physical and mental performance. The physiological response of the body to hypoxia is the inclusion of many compensatory ...

My story is about years of psychological abuse from the father of his children. It won't work for a short time, but I'll try. We met in 1999. They began to live together. In January 2002, I left him - I could not stand the humiliation, beatings and insults constant. Persuaded to return. From March 2002 until February 2003 we had a good relationship. In July 2003, the first child was born. In 2004, my child and I went to the sea for 1 year without a father. In 2005, after returning to Moscow, I became pregnant again...

Conference with Yulia Borisovna Zhikhareva, defectologist at the Children's Clinical and Diagnostic Center MEDSI II 1. Should you scold a child for lying? It depends on the age of the child and the nature of his lies. Small children (up to 7 years old) are not scolded, because. due to their age, they may well confuse fiction with truth, especially if this does not bring any benefits. In this case, they need to simply gently remind them of the present, without catching them in a lie. If there is a benefit, then you need to think about why the child is lying? Usually...

What you say is common psychological protection. My belly from them? And the pressure jumps from just three sweets a day? All because instead of walking I sit and drink tea with 3 tablespoons of sugar?

Here's the ultimate pressure on pity: "how your baby will feel when you come in for an abortion." and if you can still cope with pity for yourself and about your children, then such psychological pressure ...

And I would write: we ask you to protect our teacher from systematic psychological pressure and insults.

And write that before the official decision is made, you do not consider it possible to attend school because. the administration puts psychological pressure on the child, which does not give him the opportunity to study.

This is a simple method of psychological pressure (from weakness). It is dictated not by momentary resentment, but by the realization of your psychological incompatibility with your husband.

By the way, there is one psychological nuance: those people who are most afraid of everything ("victim syndrome") and do not have it are the best inoculation against aggressors. Aggression is a psychological defense against insecurity.

What is psychological pressure and how to resist it in life and at work?

For the five hundredth time, do you reproach yourself for having succumbed to another provocation and suffered? For the fact that in five years you have not stepped out of the role of an errand girl? For the fact that you were going to do one thing, and now, thanks to the pressure of your colleagues, you are again doing incomprehensibly what? Know that they are exerting on you.

What is psychological pressure on a person

People are not able to coexist peacefully: if they do not fight with machine guns for the sake of "oil, sea, snow", then they arrange psychological wars. And it is not known which is worse - in America alone, victims of moral harassment at work commit suicide more often than for any other reason. And therefore, as in the physical plane, many guys and girls specially attend combat self-defense courses, so in the social plan, it is simply vital for everyone to learn how to resist psychological pressure - this is possible.

Because: "No one is able to offend you without your consent" E. Roosevelt.

Bitter, but true - if they are able to exert psychological pressure on us, then we ourselves allowed it. And even if you are threatened, always remember that an empty barrel rattles loudly, and a dog that barks is not about to bite yet. Usually, real criminals do not threaten - they quickly get down to business, and if there are threats, then they are trying to negotiate with you. But if you have to withstand psychological pressure, but there will be no reprisals for refusal, you can safely resist the manipulators.

How to overcome psychological pressure at work

But the situation is more complicated. The most unpleasant thing that can happen during career growth is office work. Those. psychological pressure on a person (most often a newcomer), in order to force him to write a letter of resignation. This is what many companies do with pregnant women that do not want to pay maternity leave, this is what they do with a new employee who does not like the team, this is what they do with those who do not behave correctly. But the methods are mostly the same: insults, set-up, reporting false information to the authorities, complete ignoring, and much more.

Here it is already useless to try to wage war or attack the aggressors in response - if a scandal breaks out, the boss is unlikely to sort out the squabbles: who is right and who is wrong. That is why in most foreign firms in such situations they fire two people at once - without understanding the situation. But in Russia there is no such practice yet, and therefore one will have to act alone.

So, in order to resist the psychological pressure at work, first you need to determine which of the team is most respected by the management, whose opinion is trusted - with those and establish good relations. After all, not everyone is capable of mobbing - all the same, some part of the team is simply silent, and someone sympathizes in their hearts, but does not express their doubts openly. First of all, it is necessary to establish good communication with such people: joint dinners, projects, evenings. And gradually the circle of friends will expand (if you - good man), until two or three main offenders remain on the sidelines. And having lost the support of the crowd, they will not last long.

It is worse if the boss himself took up the mobbing. For example, to remove a person from a position. Then, if there is a desire to fight, and the nerves are strong enough, the right way is to pretend to be a “hose”. Those. to pretend that you don’t understand why there are so many claims against you all of a sudden, because before everything was fine - until the very end, do not give out that you realized that you were simply surviving. And not every boss is able to tell a person “leave” in person if he is not to blame for anything. And such “inhibition” of a subordinate confuses him. You just refuse to play his game, and not everyone will have the courage to call a spade a spade. As a result, there is a possibility that they will leave you alone and take care of a more “smart” subordinate.

How to fight back against a professional manipulator

But the easiest thing is to fight back against a real manipulator. Amazing, isn't it? Of course, for a person who is not familiar with psychology, it is almost impossible to do this. But here we will reveal the secrets.

So, any manipulation - complex or simplified - is always based on the principle of S=>R, which means "stimulus leads to a reaction." And the whole psychology of a manipulator under pressure on a person is based on the knowledge of typical reactions of people to certain stimuli. And on these reactions they manipulate, imperceptibly forcing a person to do something against their own will. To resist such an influence is not as difficult as it seems - the main thing is to do it right: not to give out the reaction that is expected - intentionally. Those. if they try to make you cry, laugh or joke. If they are sharp, get angry. If a person is being slandered, abruptly refuse the conversation. And without the necessary strings to pull, the manipulator will not be able to do anything - this is an excellent defense against psychological pressure and emotional attack.

Study psychology, develop as a person, learn to fight back psychologically - in our world these are invaluable skills.

Complete collection of materials on the topic: how to resist psychological pressure? from experts in their field.

The first thing to do in preparation for the defense is to stop your impulsive reaction and begin research work.

For example, it may turn out that the interlocutor does not look into your eyes, but somewhere over you or to the side, or maybe down (is he uncomfortable for himself?) It happens that formidable words contrast with the fuss of hands: he pulls a button, thoughtlessly shifts something then on the table, etc. All this information allows you to make assumptions about the state, motives, intentions of the partner.

So, you are under pressure: you are experiencing a clear compulsion. For example:

You are asked for something that you would really not like to do, but it is difficult to refuse, since you are dependent on the asker.
You are offered to do something, you refuse, but they try to pressure you with something:

A - You don't want to take responsibility?
B - It looks like you are afraid.
Q - I suspect that ... - some kind of insinuation follows.

It is worth recalling that pressure can be applied using rumors, petty nitpicks, veiled threats, hints, and the like.

Based on the examples given, in the first case it would be good to ask: “Can I disagree?” If the partner said that you are free to choose, then you can refer to this statement and refuse. If a suggestion has been made that you are addicted, try asking if there will be any repercussions from your refusal.

If this relationship was clearly indicated from the very beginning, then the point of the inquiries will mainly be to buy time to think through further tactics.

In the second case, the pressure from the interlocutor can be weakened by a series of clarifying questions:

A: What made you think that I refuse to take responsibility? What am I not responsible for? To whom will I answer? Responsibility must be balanced by the granting of power, how will it be expressed?
B: Why do you think I'm afraid? What could I be afraid of here? Do you find any other explanation for my refusal?
Q: What are your suspicions based on? Why did you make this assumption? How can you verify your information? Have you checked this information?

The main point of these questions is to find out exactly the reasons why your partner has a power advantage. That is, you should:

You really need to identify the source of his power over you. Then you can more accurately organize a rebuff.

Maybe he only counts on a shout - it will be wise not to give in, but to wait until his noisy supply runs out, when he starts to scroll the same tricks a second time. Then the third one… Or, perhaps, the pressure is organized through those present: “Just look…”, “Well, tell me…”, “It is clear to everyone that…”

Do not hesitate, carefully study the reactions of those to whom these phrases seem to be addressed. The mere fact that you are looking at these people compels them to give you some kind of signal. Very rarely is there complete unanimity of observers. It may turn out that there is someone who will come to your defense. You can always turn the silence of those present to your advantage.

The main thing - do not let yourself break, object calmly and slowly. Look for an opportunity to question the identified type of power or weaken it in some other way.

The reception, of course, is bureaucratic, but if the partner can use an “unclean” method, then it is not always necessary to resist “cleanly”. But this must be done just enough to stop the partner. You should refuse the reception as soon as it begins to destroy your relationship.