Refusal to be a godmother. I can no longer be a godmother, as my relationship with the mother of the child went wrong

Number of entries: 224

Good afternoon! We will be very grateful to you for resolving our issue! On December 7, our family is going to baptize our first-born son! My brother was supposed to be the godfather, but he left to work in China. I invited my stepfather, a man of deep faith, living in a married marriage, to be the godfather, he gladly agreed! But my mother-in-law says that he cannot be a godfather, that he was previously divorced, and in general he is 40 years old. That the godfather allegedly passes on his fate to the godson! You know, I read a lot of literature, but nowhere is it written about! I must say that my mother-in-law is a person very far from the church and generally did not baptize her children. And I would like my son to have a Guardian Angel! Of course, the choice of godparents is a responsible matter. Help me please! Thank you in advance for your reply, we will look forward to it, although we have very little time until December 7th.

Catherine

Hello Ekaterina.
A pious person living in a married marriage, close to your family, you have chosen a good godfather.
What the mother-in-law says about the transfer of fate is superstition.
God bless.

Priest Sergiy Osipov

Hello, please tell me if I can refuse the offer to become a godfather, somehow I don’t have a heart in this case to become a godfather to people who are not very close to me, and in the future I foresee problems in participating in spiritual upbringing, or I you have to put up with everything and become a godfather? Can I refuse, and if so, how can I argue with people so as not to offend them? Tell me how you bless me, and I will do it, I have already become a godfather once. Waiting for your reply.

Bogdan

Hello Bogdan! The godfather is responsible for the spiritual upbringing of his godson. This should be understood by both the godparents and the parents of the child. If you understand that you cannot fully be a godfather, it is better to refuse so as not to sin. You can explain that you consider yourself unworthy and are afraid that you will not justify the high title of a godfather. In any case, the choice is yours.

Priest Vladimir Shlykov

Bless. Relatives want to baptize the child and want to take a godfather of their friend a man who lives in a marriage with a man (abroad). They told me about it. I am confused. I don’t know how to do the right thing now, what can I do for them? I want to convince them not to take a man who lives in such a sin as a godfather, what will he teach the girl? Thank you.

Nina

Yes, Nina, to say that this idea of ​​theirs is confusing is to say nothing! Categorically dissuade, disagree, defiantly do not participate in such christenings - this is a crazy thing! There will be no sin even to announce a complete boycott to relatives for this!

hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello! Father, I have such a situation. I have been godmother many times to complete strangers. The fact is that at that time my husband was a famous person, with a high position (in our area), he had a lot of acquaintances, friends, and often they invited us to be godparents to their children. I always doubted, because I did not want to be a godmother, not knowing people at all. But my husband is a powerful man, who is better not to argue. I was not yet a believer then, I did not realize what a lifelong responsibility it was. But since the husband said, she agreed, otherwise, if she refused, she could sulk for a week, not talk. Only now, having become a church member, do I understand what a sin I have committed. To be honest, I don’t even remember my godchildren, what their fate is - it’s unknown. I can’t even remember how, when I baptized them, what the priest said. In short, so irresponsibly I was repeatedly godmother, clean water formalism. And how many people like me, far from God, from the faith of "godparents" were still with me then! ..

I am ashamed of myself that then, many years ago, I could not honestly admit to inviting me to "godparents", that I was not ready, did not deserve such an honor. This is probably the case when I had to object to my husband. I repented of this sin in confession a long time ago, but bitterness remained. I want to express my (personal!) opinion on this issue already as an Orthodox believer, albeit with a little "experience" in church life. It seems to me that one cannot take on the mission of being a godfather to an unchurched person, and even more so to an unbeliever! I think it is unacceptable to even become a godfather only on the grounds that friends, relatives, and acquaintances "really ask"! Again, this is my personal opinion - only a deeply religious person who constantly lives the life of the Church, regularly confesses, takes communion, can be a godfather. If it were so always and everywhere, I think that in our Orthodox faith there would be no "formal" Christians. The same goes for weddings. Forgive me if I'm wrong. I acted very foolishly. Therefore, if someone reads my letter, he might think about whether he is ready to be a light all his life, an example to his godson, to lead him to God, helping him on the path of SALVATION! Otherwise, it's a sin! God bless everyone!

Valentine

Yes, Valentina, I completely agree with your opinion - it is unacceptable to become a godfather only on the basis that friends, relatives, and acquaintances are asking for it. It is all the more unacceptable for a godfather to be a non-church and non-believer.

hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello! My future husband recently baptized the child of our acquaintances. He did not really want this, and offered them other candidates, but they insisted and it was inconvenient to refuse him. And I was initially against this, I can’t explain why, but I feel that this will not lead to good. I expressed my objections to him even before the christening, but he said "that means I will be a bad godfather." But it’s also impossible, he took responsibility for himself .. It turns out that he sinned without a yearning desire to become a godfather. And I'm speaking out of it. How can we be in such a situation?

Dasha

Hello Dasha.
Your fiancé hasn't sinned yet. Do not blame him unnecessarily. What kind of godfather he will be is a matter of his conscience. In such a situation, you need to show delicacy and restraint.
God bless.

Priest Sergiy Osipov

Good evening, I would like to know how to proceed. I want to baptize my daughter, the fact is that I have no godparents. What do i do?

Faith

Faith, in exceptional cases, baptism without godparents is allowed, discuss this in advance with the priest of the temple where you are going to baptize the child.

hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello, please tell me, my husband is the godfather of his friend’s son, but the godmother lives far away and puts pressure on me that she and my husband are parents and they have a common godson and they should communicate, although she is the sister of the child’s father , and how he can learn from him. How to be? How to behave in this situation?

Olga

Olga, as far as I understand you, are you embarrassed that some woman will communicate unnecessarily with your husband? These are just fears, and if this communication does not bring any benefit to the godparents, then it can be banned.

hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello, dear clergymen of the Russian Orthodox Church! I was baptized by my godparents, and then they got married in the registry office. At the present time they have disowned me, because they believe that I have been baptized. Can the spiritual union concluded in the Sacrament of Baptism be considered terminated? I will wait for your reply to your e-mail address.

Dmitry

Hello Dmitry.
In the sacrament of baptism is the spiritual union of the person being baptized with our Lord Jesus Christ. Such a union cannot be terminated at the will of other people.
As for your godparents, I hope you have matured enough to not depend on their guidance.
Strengthen the Lord.

Priest Sergiy Osipov

Hello! I would like to know: is it possible for an unbaptized mother to read prayers for a baptized child, is it possible for her to go to church for communion with a baby? It's just that our godfather lives far away.

Svetlana

Yes, Svetlana, you can, and you can also accompany your child to Communion.

hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Good afternoon! It so happened that I was baptized 2 times, in childhood and then at the age of 14. The parents decided to baptize a second time, because the first godmother turned out to be, according to them, a bad person and then showed herself not well, and the husband and wife became godparents for the second time. I don’t know how this could be allowed in the church itself, but I became interested in the spiritual life only six months ago, and then I didn’t know and didn’t understand much either. Only now I learned that a husband and wife cannot be godmother and father. A few years ago, the godfather died, and the godmother began to drink heavily. Tell me how should I behave? How should I relate to the double baptism and the fact that the life of my godparents has developed so sadly?

Sveta

Sveta, you are not responsible for your godparents, this is their life and their choice, but it is possible and necessary to pray for them, this is a good deed. And one should treat double baptism as follows: baptism is performed only once, everything else must be recognized as a misunderstanding and a mistake. If for the first time you were baptized by a priest, in a church, according to all the rules, then this is your real baptism.

hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Good afternoon! Tell me, I want to become a godmother to my nephew, is it possible for him to give his silver cross at baptism, which my godfather gave me. I myself wear gold, consecrated.

Irina

Hello Irina! It is not forbidden to give a cross according to church customs. You can give this cross as a gift, but don't forget to bless it if it's not.

Priest Vladimir Shlykov

I was asked to be a godmother. In the near future, I will not be able to communicate with my godson, and, most likely, I will not be able to communicate with him often at all (I am moving to another city). I tried to refuse, saying that it was a very big responsibility. The child's parents say that they don't need anything but absentee prayers. Wouldn't such acceptance be a sin if I knew in advance that I would not be able to influence the child's spiritual upbringing in any way?

Seraphim

Seraphim, on the part of parents, such an attitude towards reception is a great oddity or even neglect. I think we need to talk to them and convince them that just the whole power of reception is in the fact that godparents not only pray - we all pray for each other anyway - but in deed and, most importantly, by example, participate in the upbringing child. In this case, I personally approve of your refusal and I think that you are acting reasonably.

hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Help me please. I have been separated from my husband for about a year. We have a child in whom the husband shows no interest, does not pay child support and has not seen him for about 8 months. The child is a year old. FROM ex-husband I also don't support relationships. 2 months ago, she christened the baby, choosing her godfather as her godfather, for whom she felt sympathy, but we had no relationship with him. It turned out that I was not indifferent to this guy, and he me too. He had no idea about my feelings, so he agreed to be godfather. I didn't know about his feelings. And then everything became clear. As a result, I feel very bad about this whole situation, because everything cleared up so late, apparently, for him too. Relations and any physical connections between us was not and is not. We stopped talking altogether. I do not perceive him as a relative, I would like to start a family with him, but I know that this is forbidden. Help with advice, please.

Sofia

Dear Sophia, marriage to your son's godfather is canonically unacceptable. To finally decide this question contact the bishop of your diocese. God bless you!

Archpriest Andrey Efanov

My friend asked me to be her daughter's godmother. I doubt. And then suddenly, studying this whole procedure, I came across what they write: “the first girl must definitely baptize a boy,” they say, girls take away happiness, you won’t get married, etc. I want to hear your opinion, is it true? It's my first christening, and now I can't get it out of my head! It's not just that people talk about it.

Daria

Dear Daria! You yourself are not yet ready to become a godmother, and you do not take information from the right sources. Being a godmother is a huge responsibility, you must raise a child in the faith, follow his character and morals. What you are afraid of is nonsense and superstition. I advise you to better think about how to become a church yourself, how to go to church more often, confess and take Communion, comprehend the inexhaustible storehouse of the works of the holy fathers of the Church. And then you will make a really good godmother! Save the Lord!

Archpriest Andrey Efanov

Father, please tell me, I am an unmarried young man and my best friend offered me to become his son's godfather. Mom and grandmother tell me that it is impossible to baptize, as I will give him my happiness. I don't even know what to do...

Vitaly

Hello Vitaly! If you are baptized in Orthodoxy, then you can become a godfather. But do not forget about the obligations of the godfather to the godson: You will have to take part in the Orthodox upbringing of the baby, teach him the basics of our faith, take him to the church for Communion. Being a godfather is a great honor and a great responsibility. And what your loved ones told you is a real superstition! You cannot anger God with such words.

Priest Vladimir Shlykov

Hello! I'm sorry to bother you with questions. 1. I want to take communion for the first time, but first I just want to be like services. Is it possible to go to services on Sundays and not take communion, because there will be people who came to receive communion, and how long to stay there, until people start taking communion, or will I have to wait and stay for a further service? Sorry for the stupid question, I just don't understand church rules yet. 2. I was baptized at the age of 9 in Belarus with my mother and uncle. I remember that they didn’t dunk us anywhere, but simply anointed us on the wrists and forehead, it seems ... And at that moment, my dad and grandfather looked into the room where we were baptized and smiled, and the priest who baptized us was late to the service and was in a hurry, sort of, as I was told, but not exactly. And I have no godparents and they were not asked. Is this baptism considered correct? 3. I myself am a godmother, but a bad one. At the age of 18, I was offered, and I agreed, not understanding the responsibility. At that time, she never went to church. Yes, and they offered me, as I think, because there was no one else. I do not communicate with my goddaughter and do not see each other when I am in the temple, I submit notes for her. How can I call this sin in confession? Thank you!

Marina

Marina, you can go to services, and it is advisable to stay until the very end of the Liturgy, when, having kissed the cross in the hands of the priest, you can go home.
You need to find out more about your baptism. I do not think that you were only anointed, most likely, and poured with water, at least on your head, too, but you did not remember. If this was not the case - although this is very, very strange - then you will have to be baptized as expected.
And with regard to your duties as a godmother, say so in confession, as they wrote in a letter. Father will understand you.

hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello! Tell me, is marriage possible between me and my godfather's son? We have been living together for 3 years and now we decided to get married. My godmother is from a completely different family.

Elena 29 years old

Hello, Elena! By a decree of January 19, 1810, the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church limited marriages of spiritual kinship to only two degrees, that is, it forbade marriages between godparents, adopted and their parents. According to the degree of kinship, marriage between you and the son of your godfather is not prohibited.
It is not clear from your question whether you live in a registered marriage or in a so-called "civil" one. From the point of view of the Church, a "civil marriage" not registered by the state is a fornication. Such relationships are not Christian, so the Church cannot sanctify them. The sacrament of marriage cannot be performed on people living in a "civil marriage", for this they must first register their relationship with the registry office.
You need to come to the temple and talk with the priest, who will resolve all issues based on the current situation.

Priest Vladimir Shlykov

Being a godfather is so honorable that it would never occur to anyone to refuse such an invitation. But when the sacrament has been completed, the traditions have been observed, the cross and the silver spoon have been presented - what's next? Often, everyone disperses to live their own lives, forgetting that the recipient has taken responsibility before God for eternal life another person.

Why it is dangerous to be a godfather and why sometimes it is better not to be one at all - argues the abbot of the Kyiv Trinity Ioninsky Monastery, Bishop Iona (Cherepanov) of Obukhovsky.

• How and why do they become godparents? (+video)
• What does it mean to be a godmother?
• Godparents: who can, who cannot be godparents, the duties of godparents
• Godparents and godchildren: how to choose a godfather, how to raise a godson

- If a person does not remember whether he was baptized in childhood, and no one can say for sure what to do in this case?

- If there is even the slightest doubt, baptized or not, of course, you need to be baptized. And take it not as a second baptism, but as the first and last.

Some priests in this case baptize with the addition of the phrase: "If not baptized, a servant of God such and such is baptized in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit." But I don't think the Lord needs to be told why we baptize. He sees everything and knows everything.

By the way, such a situation just happened in my life. I churched in school years. It was only when I became a church member that I learned that my great-grandmother had baptized me as a child. And not in the church, but on her own. In Soviet times, there was such a practice - in those places where there were no churches, or when there was no opportunity to take the child to the temple, believing relatives performed baptism. Now this practice also exists, but only in case of mortal danger. When there is a real threat to life, baptism can be performed by any Orthodox Christian, but subsequently it must be supplemented by chrismation.

Great-grandmother was a very pious church person, her brother, a hieromonk, accepted death as a new martyr. There was no doubt about her faith, but there were questions about how the baptism was performed - whether she was anointed afterwards or not.

At that time, I already helped in the Kiev-Pechersk Lavra and closely communicated with the monks of the Lavra. And they said that if there is even the slightest doubt, it is necessary to be baptized.

And I was baptized in the Dnieper. It was March 1, 1991. The current governor of the Kyiv Goloseevskaya Hermitage, Father Isaac, performed the baptism - he was the only one who agreed at this time of the year to go to be baptized on the Dnieper.

I wanted everything to be right - with three times full immersion. And in Kyiv there were no baptistery at that time, and the only such opportunity to be baptized was in the river. I didn’t want to put it off either: how is it possible not to participate in the sacraments? Before that, I confessed and took communion, but since I learned about the doubts about my baptism, I no longer dared to take communion.

I remember that a strong icy wind was blowing - Father Isaac's phelonion turned up and fluttered like a flag. Ice floes floated past us along the river. I was baptized three times by immersion, right after that I went to the Liturgy and took communion.

Interestingly, although the water was ice cold, neither I nor the monk who baptized had any health problems: the grace of the sacrament protected ...

– Vladyka, and now about the godparents… My godson’s birthday is approaching, and when I’m going to visit, I worry that I very rarely see him and never take him to communion. I feel my responsibility and guilt, but I cannot understand what exactly I am responsible for and what exactly I am guilty of.

– This is exactly the case when not the result is important, but the process. The Lord guides every person by His providence, and only God knows whether the soul of the godson will be saved. But at the Last Judgment, He will ask the godfather what he did to ensure that this soul was saved, and what efforts he made so that the child would become an Orthodox Christian and inherit Eternal Life.

Well, besides, you need to understand that the function of the receiver is not to lead to communion.

– What then? The role of godparents is now so blurred that it is not at all clear what they should do.

– A very interesting question. In my practice, there was a case when young parents asked to have their child baptized. They faced a problem: none of the relatives or acquaintances was suitable for the role of the recipient. “Now we are going to church ourselves, we are trying to live in the Orthodox way,” they explained. – Knowing what the duties of the recipients are, we understand that there is no one who could take on these functions. All our friends, relatives are kind and good people but none of them live the church life.”

Parents understood that if they took the godparents "for show", this would be a profanation of the sacrament. And in this case, I considered it necessary to baptize a child without godparents.

We know that babies are baptized according to the faith of those who bring them to baptism. As a rule, parents bring, and upbringing in Orthodoxy, in any case, the “main content”, children also receive in the family. The recipient takes part in the life of the godson extremely rarely.

The only case known to me is with one of the brethren of our monastery. During the period of churching, his godmother, a believing woman, helped him a lot. She really worked hard for him to set foot on the path to Christ, and really completely fulfilled the functions that the recipient should carry. But this, again, is the only such story.

But, of course, it is better to adhere to the practice that has existed for centuries in the Orthodox Church: when, at baptism, the recipient or recipient takes responsibility before the Lord for the fact that the child will grow up as an Orthodox Christian.

What exactly do godparents need to do for this?

- According to the charter of the Orthodox Church, according to ancient tradition, a boy is given a godfather, a girl - a godfather. Now, as a rule, each child has two godparents. And in some regions there are several pairs of godparents. But this is already a human offering - people just want to become related to the family of the baptized baby. It has nothing to do with the Orthodox Christian tradition, and is not conditioned in any way from a spiritual point of view.

In general, in my opinion, the institution of reception in our time is deeply and seriously profaned by the attitude to the duties of godparents. Much of the blame for this lies with us, the clergy. We do not pay due attention to working with people who come to the temple with a desire to baptize a child.

By the way, in our Ioninsky monastery and in the skete in the village of Neshcherov near Kyiv, a conversation with parents and godparents is mandatory. In Neshcherovo, even several conversations - with those who are getting married, and with those who are being baptized, and it is impossible to be baptized or married until people listen to the entire course.

Nothing like this. As experience shows, people get baptized and get married very willingly and they advise their friends - they say, in such and such a temple they take the sacrament seriously, go and you baptize there.

The guilt of the clergy that it does not work with the flock in this direction does not explain the tasks of the recipients, does not warn against hasty consent to set foot on such a spiritually dangerous path. I do believe that becoming a recipient is spiritually dangerous.

– Can you explain why?

– There are several aspects. Ideally, parents who themselves live the church life invite an Orthodox person to baptize their children. In this case, of course, it is hardly worth refusing. Yes, this is a responsibility, but the risk of an unkind response at the terrible judgment of Christ is significantly reduced. The father and mother themselves are engaged in education, and the godfather only helps - he gives spiritual literature, goes on pilgrimages together.

But when an Orthodox person is invited to be a godparent by non-church people, I always ask you to think very, very well. How close is this family to you, how loyal are your parents to Christianity, are they ready to give you the opportunity to really participate in the upbringing of their child? In most cases, it turns out that they are not ready: "Well, you baptize, and then we'll see ..."

Therefore, you need to weigh everything properly - after all, this is a big responsibility, you are entrusted to God for this baby.

If, due to cowardice, or unreason, or for some other reason - perhaps out of love for this family - a person agreed to become a godfather, and then they say to him: “Thank you, we don’t need your advice, we ourselves will raise our child in those traditions that we consider necessary,” in this case, the task of the recipient is to pray day and night, as far as possible, for the godson. Commemorate at morning and evening prayers, submit notes for the Liturgy. Try to make up for the lack of physical communication with prayerful communication.

– What to do if the godson grows up outside the Church, does not receive communion?

- Try to talk with parents, explain, make every effort to ensure that they give the opportunity to communicate with the child on this topic.

Regarding the communion of children, the opinion of Archpriest Alexy Uminsky is close to me, who believes that a child should receive communion together with his parents. This is what I say to everyone who offers a baby for blessing.

If parents are asked why they give communion to their children, the majority will answer - "so that the Lord would give grace, so that the child would be united with the Lord, receiving His Body and Blood." But, excuse me, do you yourself need grace? Do you need to be part of the Body and Blood of Christ?

Children perceive only a personal example, and, as many years of experience show, no matter how many believing grandmothers carry babies to communion, if mom and dad are far from faith, in almost 100% of cases the child, as soon as he becomes independent, completely forgets about the temple.

Only by the grace of God, already at a conscious age, can he come to the temple. Not to return - because, in fact, he had never been here: he was not brought up in the faith at home, he did not wake up and fall asleep with prayer, he did not live in a Christian atmosphere. Therefore, it is impossible to say that he will return to the temple. He will come there.

Of course, a baby needs communion. And if the godfather takes upon himself the work and carries the child to the Chalice, this is better than if the godson lived without sacraments at all. But how much this will affect his Christian upbringing is a big question.

Therefore, it is important to make every effort to be able to communicate with the child. Not in the way it is now accepted - when the godfather comes once a year for a birthday, or on Angel's Day, or on New Year, gives some nonsense, exchanges two or three touching phrases with the godson, thus serving his duty, and with a pure heart leaves.

Do not flatter yourself, this is not perception. Such behavior has nothing to do with Christianity at all, on the contrary, there is a profanation of the relationship between the godfather and the godson, and for this you will have to answer before God.

You need to communicate with the child, including on Christian topics, read Christian books with him, visit the temple together. If this meets a categorical refusal on the part of the parents, then take on the feat of prayer for the godson. This is important, because the task of the godfather is not to give gifts, but to lead to Christ.

- Many are embarrassed to “load” with conversations about religion and faith or do not have experience in communicating with a child on such topics ...

- If everything is so complicated, you should not agree to be godparents with non-church parents.

Gruzdev called himself get in the body. Try now, look for words. Before that, be sure to pray. By the grace of God, by His admonition, an understanding will come of how to reach out to a child. You need to get down to business only with prayer, asking the Lord for help.

– A question about a different situation. Many of us were baptized in the Soviet era, when our parents were often against it, and our grandmother and aunt or girlfriend carried the children to church for baptism in secret. The child grew up, became a church, but the godparents never came to the temple. Does a believing godson have obligations towards his non-church godfather?

- How to do it? Older people perceive, as a rule, "with hostility" when "the egg begins to teach the chicken." Especially in spiritual matters.

- Again, you need to get down to business by praying. Ask the Lord for help, realizing your unworthiness, your narrow-mindedness, worthlessness and stupidity. When will the Lord give grace? When we understand that we turn to Him, because we ourselves are weak.

If a person wants to learn how to ski, but comes to an instructor and begins to tell how he can do everything well, and he only needs an instructor to show a couple of tricks, it is clear that when descending a mountain, such a clever man will break firewood and get injured. And when there is an understanding that all I can do is walk on a straight track and slide down a hill near the house, then the instructor begins to teach properly, and all this leads to a concrete result.

Likewise, if we humble ourselves, if we realize that we are not capable of anything, without the Lord “we cannot do anything,” then the Lord Himself comes to the rescue.

Be sure to pray, think about how you can interest an adult, an elderly person in this regard. Invite him on a tour of the temple or give him some book or pamphlet. It happens that if you directly offer something to read, a person will refuse: “How is it? I lived my life, and then some green snot decided to teach me ... ”In such cases, a“ workaround ”may work - when some book that may be of interest is left or forgotten somewhere in a conspicuous place.

Often older people have more time and they are accustomed to reading. Therefore, there is a possibility that the “forgotten” book will be read, and some grain will fall on the heart. There are a lot of options, the main thing is to think.

On the contrary, someone may be affected by a blow, as they say, on the forehead, and the person will shake himself.

We had one grandfather in Ioninsky - good man, excellent locksmith, came, helped. Somehow noticed that he began to appear less frequently. It turned out that he was sick, he was in the hospital. And in general, it was clear that the person was slowly giving up (for many older people it is clear that they are declining). We were on friendly terms with him, and I asked him directly: “Lenya, do you believe in God at all?” “Well, yes, I do.” “When was the last time you received communion?” "Oh, I don't know when." “If you don’t take communion, you will go to hell.” - "Really?" - "100 percent..."

The man was already under 80, there was no time to have long conversations. I explained to him the simplest things, what he could perceive. It is clear what kind of fasting and lengthy divine services are from him, but he prepared for communion and began to receive communion regularly. Six months later, he peacefully went to the Lord, and I believe that the Lord accepted him. Because a person in purity of heart responded to the call: "Take, eat." Just got up and came.

– Why invite sponsors at all if the child’s parents are believers and intend to raise the baby in the Orthodox faith?

- You need a receiver. We know the words of Christ: "Where two or three are gathered together in My Name, there I am in the midst of them." How more people if they pray for a child to inherit the Kingdom of God, so much the better. An extra prayer book, as they say, will not hurt.

And in the future, especially in transitional age When the opinion of an outsider for a teenager is often more important than that of a parent, it will be easier for the godfather to talk with the godson about faith, about spiritual life. He will be able to help the child stay in the church fence when he is tempted to leave it.

This is also why it is important to take as a recipient a person of one mind and striving for life in Christ.

– Can friends of different faiths baptize each other's children? For example, Orthodox being godparents in Catholic families.

- As one of my acquaintances said, “I see some kind of cunning in this!”

If an Orthodox person agrees to be a godparent to a child of Catholic parents, what Creed will he read in the church during the Sacrament of Baptism? In which temple will he take this child to receive communion, in what faith will he instruct him?

One of the two is either deceit in relation to faith, when there is no difference what to believe and how to believe. Or a person obviously does not plan to perform the functions of a godfather, and for him participation in the Sacrament is just an excuse to enter into closer and more friendly relations with this family. Again, this is a profanation of perception.

- Often people act in such a way so as not to annoy others ...

– There can be no compromises on the issue of eternity and relationship with God. And the human factor cannot be an excuse for apostasy from the faith, from the Law of God.

From the lives of the saints, we know a lot of cases when parents begged their children to renounce Christ, appealing to some kindred, family feelings. In Soviet times, it was so much that parents or children persuaded their relatives not to go to church.

That is, at all times people were ready to die for firmness in their faith, and for some reason, out of motives, no matter how bad someone thought of us, we are so easily ready to depart from Christ.

These things are very serious and should not be trifled with.

- Why, when we submit notes with names in churches, they always ask if a person has been baptized. Many, in their sincere desire to pray for their neighbor, do not know whether they are baptized or not. And those who come to church are embarrassed, upset and often even repelled by the fact that there is such biased attention to the issue of being baptized / not being baptized. People ask: "Can't you take the note and just pray for the sick person?"

– The Church at the Liturgy prays only for those who are her children. It is quite possible to submit notes to prayers with the names of unbaptized people - first of all, about the Lord enlightening their hearts with the knowledge of the truth.

I would divide the answer to this question into two parts. If we know for sure that a person is not baptized and does not want to be baptized, we cannot submit notes about him to the Liturgy. But if it is not known whether our loved one was baptized, it is better to submit, and the Lord who knows the hearts, firstly, will not put this prayer into sin for us, and secondly, He will certainly have mercy on this person with His grace.

Reader's letter:

A close friend invited me to be the godfather of his child. I don't know if I can pull it. What do I need to become a godfather? I heard that just like that, “from the street”, you can’t come and baptize a child ...

Andrew

Why you shouldn't refuse to be a godfather

What do you do if you've been asked to be a child's godfather and you don't feel ready for it? What reasons for your refusal can be considered objective, and which are the product of your fears and complexes, which still need to be dealt with? And should the godfather then take care of his godson all his life? Archpriest Fyodor Borodin, rector of the Church of the Holy Unmercenaries Cosmas and Damian on Maroseyka (Moscow), answers these questions to “Thomas”.

- Father Fyodor, what would you answer to this letter?

- You know, I would like to answer not only this letter. Similar "I'm afraid!", "I won't pull it!" I hear from many people who are suddenly faced with the need to… make a choice! So - in our time, paradoxically, the very fact that a person himself made a choice, he himself took responsibility, deserves to be called unique. In response to such letters, I would like to ask: what happened to us? Why, we (many of us at least) every evening in the prayer of John Chrysostom ask God to deliver us from cowardice, ask us to grant us generosity.

And so, every day you ask about it, and, finally, the Lord calls you: a boy or a girl was born, and the choice fell on you to help the child come closer to the Lord. So what? Will you say, "No, Lord"? The same prayer says: "Lord, receive me in repentance." Why does John Chrysostom say this? Because God may not accept. What if He says, “No, I'm not ready. I don't want. How much can you forgive? We don't want the Lord to say "no" to us!

If we refuse in such situations, it turns out that we come to the temple as consumers: we need the forgiveness of sins, the peace of our conscience. But at some point, the Lord calls us: “Now you also work hard, serve a little to the cause of My Church.” And we miss this challenge: “Oh, I'm afraid, I can't! Oh who am I? Oh, I can't!"

It must be understood that none of us is ever fully prepared for any service in the Church. But any such service, including the service of the cross, is carried out with the help of God. What are we? And we complain: no, I’m not ready - instead of saying: I will do everything not to miss this challenge, I will take responsibility and quickly “grow up” to the ministry that God offers me.

- And yet, what should a person who is going to become a godfather be prepared for?

- For example, to the fact that in adolescence his godson will take off his cross and refuse to go to church. We must be ready for this, because the Lord is ready for this. Human freedom is what the philosopher Nikolai Lossky called divine risk. God, leaving the space of human freedom, in which even He has no power, consciously takes risks, because a person is free to refuse Him.

The godfather, like any parent, must understand that Christianity is a personal meeting of a person with God. God does not speak to the people, not to the family or society. He addresses each person personally. But he, in his freedom, can say: no, I don’t want to, I have no time, have me renounced (Luke 14:19). And God is ready for it. He is waiting. As long as a person is alive, hope is not lost.

Recently, the father of our parishioner was baptized with us. At all old man He was a militant atheist all his life. He was always against his daughter going to church, arguing, cursing. But when he fell seriously ill and realized that life was ending, he himself asked: "Call the priest, I want to be baptized." She didn't believe her ears. So for our godchildren, who once went to Sunday school, and then left the church, not everything is lost. The seed of eternal life is sown in them.

By the way, in the sacrament of Baptism there are wonderful words when the priest, pointing to the newly baptized, says: "Lord, You gave him the power of eternal life." In this case, power is free will. That is, God prepared for him eternal life, and whether or not to take this gift from Him is up to the person himself. Not mom, not dad, not godfather, not confessor. And as long as a person is alive, he can always return to God, no matter how much he falls away from Him.

And we must do what depends on us - to preach. And the godson is the first object of our sermon.

- But if the godson does not want to listen to us, if he refuses to go to church, how should the godfather behave in such a situation?

- If the godson does not blaspheme, you need to continue to invite him to the temple, to visit you, to some events, talk with him, maybe even argue, because usually a young person is carried away by some very simple ideas.

We had a young man who was baptized and grew up in our church, who committed many bad deeds in a row and after that announced to his mother that he no longer believes. He argues with her, passionately lays out his arguments, and she replies: “Son, about 35 years ago, when I studied at a Soviet school, I thought about these arguments day and night. And for me, all these issues were resolved even then. You can say: “Well, remember, you went to church, went to an Orthodox camp, went to Sunday school. Which is better: how was it there or now, when you walk in the evenings in an incomprehensible company? Okay, for now, maybe the second one is more like it, but who knows what will happen in 40 years.

I remember a conversation with one woman. Once I go to the temple, and she is sitting on a bench, her eyes are wet. He asks: "Can I talk to you?" And she says that as a child she went to church, to Sunday school, her family even had a spiritual father, and she communicated with him, consulted. And then she grew up, spun the whirlpool of secular life, and she set off in all serious ways. And then I went to the temple, and overtook the memory of childhood. And it became obvious that the truth is here, in the Church. And she returned to church life. And the break was about fifteen years, and I think it seemed to all her church-going acquaintances that there was nothing to hope for.

- If a person became a godfather without realizing what responsibility he takes on, and then he himself came to the Church and realized: should something be done?

- You need to appear in the family of your godson, remind you of your existence and start doing at least something. First of all, start praying for him. And to give the gospel to the godson himself and try to read some passage with him. Try to cling to that work of Russian literature, which he is now studying at school. Let's say, if it is "Crime and Punishment", it cannot be understood at all without reading the Gospel. Talk about it and let him read this Book. Invite him on some trip, go with him to a museum, to a performance. You have to start somewhere, and then everything can be very different.

Of course, there are situations when the parents themselves do not let the child go to the temple ... I had a friend who grew up in a family that was not just non-church, but atheistic. Mother was a translator for one of the members of the Central Committee, and father was a terrible cynic. But my father was very fond of opera and choral singing, he was well versed in it and had a unique collection of records. And then one day, in order to show his teenage son how a good choir can sound in an authentic space, he took him to the temple in honor of the icon of the Mother of God “Joy of All Who Sorrow” on Ordynka, where the famous Sveshnikov choir sang. He brought his son to listen to the choir, and the boy believed. And a fierce war began in the house. Mother it was across the career, and the father just across the soul. The child was both beaten and not allowed into the temple, and he tied the sheets, descended on them from the third floor and ran to the service. And he defended his right to be a believer: he graduated from seminary and became a priest. The meeting with God happened in spite of everything.

I still remember my feeling of the temple, where my godmother took me as a child. Yes, it was hard, stuffy, incomprehensible, but I felt that something extremely important was happening, something sacred. But the godmother could say: “His parents are unbelievers, his father is not baptized at all, so what can I do? I’ll give him an icon and that’s it.” But she took a different path, began to work on me.

- And if the parents of the child are believers themselves, church people - how big is the role of the godfather in this case?

— It can be difficult even for two believing parents to raise a child as a believing Christian, because the level of temptation that life now offers is much higher than in previous eras. We know many children of wonderful Christian parents who reject the Christian life. Whatever the parents, faith is a personal meeting of a person with God. Even the greatest prophet of antiquity Samuel's children grew up to be useless.

But both parents and godparents should give a person a “taste” of what life in the Church is. As long as he is still young, pure, whole, as long as he is the very child about whom the Lord says: “of such is the Kingdom of God” (Luke 18:16), as long as it is natural for his soul to know God.

Then he will grow up and, perhaps, for some time - or even forever - leave the Church. But still, he will have a memory of what it is, the grace of God. And, perhaps, when we are no longer alive, at the next critical moment of his life, he will reevaluate everything and return. And if the child is not given the experience of church life, his memory will have nothing to cling to, he will not have a guideline so that in a moment of despair, pain, he will find the way to the Home.

Is it enough just to pray for the godson?

- Father Fyodor, do you have a sample of a real godparent? What is this person?

“I have before my eyes the example of my own godmother. When I was 9 years old, at the request of friends, my father helped her move the furniture. In her apartment, he saw icons and said: “We are thinking of baptizing our daughter and son, would you like to become a godmother?” At the same time, the pope himself was unbaptized, and the mother, although she was baptized in childhood, was extremely far from church life. Vera Alekseevna agreed, but took a promise from her father not to interfere with her performance of her duties. Not understanding what he was getting into, Dad nodded. And it began.

Three times a year, Vera Alekseevna called and said: “On Sunday I take Anya and Fedya, we go to church with them, do not feed them in the morning.” And she took us to the temple, and after the service she took out a thermos and sandwiches from the bag and fed us. Did we understand then? Hardly. Rather, they whined that their backs ached from standing in the service.

The godmother gave me a paper-bound prayer book and underlined in it the prayers “To the Heavenly King”, “Our Father” and “Virgin Mary”. After a while, she asked: “Do you read prayers?” I lied that I was reading, although no one prayed at home, and I myself did not do it either. But the godmother took the prayer book and said: “You're lying. If you had read, the cover would have been wrinkled." I felt ashamed, and since then I have been reading morning prayers to this day.

It was her firmness that created what I personally perceive as a miracle: my sister and I, children from a family far from the Church, found God, found the meaning around which our lives are built and continue to be built.

As I later found out, Vera Alekseevna, who had no children of her own, had about thirty godchildren. Three became priests, and almost all came to the Church. The godmother arranged Christmas and Easter holidays, where they talked about the Church and faith, read poems by Russian poets about God. It was, of course, an amazing apostolic ministry during the Soviet era.

- Today, many church people also have 10, 20, 30 godchildren. But due to employment, it is simply not possible to pay so much attention to their godparents.

“Unfortunately, this is my problem too. Many of my classmates, knowing that I was a priest, asked me to be the godfather of their children. And some of them, despite all my persuasion, did not take their children to the temple while they were small. And I live far away, and I myself have eight children - I was so busy that I simply could not deal with godchildren. Of course, I'm just making excuses for myself now. But in fact, I feel guilty and repent.

— But you certainly commemorate all your godchildren in prayer every day. Or is this not enough?

— Yes, I remember. And of course, don't underestimate the power of prayer. My godfather, a priest, served in Torzhok, so he could not deal with me. And although I believe that I owe my coming to the Church mainly to my godmother, I think that his prayers also played a significant role in this. But prayer work backed up by some kind of action is certainly better.

Of course, if your godson's family is a church family, the parents themselves go to church with him, pray, read the Gospel and try to live according to it. A lot of my godchildren and goddaughters live in such families, and I pray for them, and my soul does not hurt for them, as for children from non-church families. And yet I would still like to be more involved in the lives of my godchildren.

“Each godfather can fill in his gaps in spiritual life - and begin to act”

— How does communication with future godparents take place in your church?

We have several options for educational conversations. The first is the minimum without which we are not allowed to participate in the sacrament of Baptism. It consists of three discourses given by a catechist.

The second is 14-15 talks that we have every Monday evening. Such courses - they are called "The Discovery of Faith" - take place with us twice a year: from October to Christmas and from the end of January to the Easter period. On them, priests talk about the foundations of faith, about Orthodox rites, about Christian culture. And it must be said that many of those who have long been baptized and even participate in church life attend these courses with interest, because they feel a large number of gaps in your knowledge. We offer these courses to everyone, including godparents, and those who are serious about their new role and believe that three conversations are not enough for them go to listen to them.

We also have Sunday talks for adults. Most often they are visited by parents who bring their children to Sunday school, while they themselves listen to a lecture at this time. But, of course, future godparents can, too.

- You have been holding conversations for godparents for many years. In your opinion, do the people who come to you change over time?

- The changes probably correspond to the general changes that are taking place among the people. On the one hand, there are still people who participate in baptism only because they were asked, but otherwise: “Leave me alone, what kind of stupidity did you come up with, 15 years ago I was a godfather, and they didn’t demand anything from me” . And they are looking for a temple where these obligatory three conversations would not take place - such is the cynicism.

But, on the other hand, there are many people today who take baptism seriously, who understand that it is a ministry that imposes certain obligations on them, and who, I hope, will be good godparents.

And I must say, the questions that they ask me have changed. More and more people are interested not in the ceremonial side of Orthodoxy, not in domes and bells, fasts and feasts - things are good, but still secondary, external - but the essence of the Christian faith. What is original sin? What does the fall of Adam and Eve have to do with me personally? What is the divine humanity of Jesus Christ? What is salvation? What is the Church? How does the holiness of the Church relate to what they sometimes see through our sins. What are the sacraments, the Eucharist, the Body and Blood of Christ? These are all very serious questions, and the number of people asking them has increased considerably. They are spiritually hungry, and we must try to satisfy it.

When a baby is born, the first cry and sigh testify to his physical birth. Spiritually, this moment comes on the day of baptism. The ritual of acceptance of faith accompanies us for many generations. The right to be a godfather is considered honorable, it indicates a special, warm and trusting relationship between the child's parents and godparents. Their duty is to take the spiritual birth of a person and be responsible for the faith of their godson. The answer to the question of who can be the godparents of a boy or a girl is obvious from the point of view of the church. This title is worthy of people who support the Orthodox faith and have reached the age of majority. They are responsible for introducing the child to spiritual values.

What carries the sacrament of baptism

Baptism is ancient rite held in the conditions of the Orthodox Church. The main purpose is to cleanse a person of misdeeds committed in a past life so that he can start his new path from a “clean slate”. When a baby is brought to church for the first time in his life in order to be baptized, only the closest people and spiritual mentor remain in the holy place. Hence the name "sacrament of baptism." After the priest says all the prayers and bathes the baby three times with water from the font, the ceremony is considered completed.

Most of us are baptized in the first months of our lives, and therefore in the memory of a person there is no information about everything that happens. People live, develop, build families. At some point in time, the moment comes when an offer to become a godparent arrives. Or, moreover, a child is born in the family and it needs to be christened. In such a situation, a logical question arises: “Whom to take as a godfather and is it possible to refuse to be a godfather?”. The answer is not to be found in faith or the church, it is within ourselves. It is very important to sensibly assess the possibilities of future godparents: whether they will be able to give the child what you are unable to give, whether they will love him as if they were their own, and whether they will lead him astray. It is also necessary to understand that life is very unpredictable, and if the godfather or mother quarrel with the parents of the godson, this should in no way affect their personal relationships and break the spiritual connection.

spiritual relationship

Godparents experience no less than parents before the baptism of a child. This, to a greater extent, is associated with the progression of church illiteracy among the modern population. This often leads to a refusal to be a recipient. The main thing here is to understand that being a godfather is not scary if you take this step consciously. And it is not necessary to comply with church canons. It is possible that this event will change your inner world and perception, and you will be drawn to self-education in this regard.

It is important for the church that the chosen godparents will clearly understand that from now on they are responsible for the child in exactly the same way as it is assigned to biological parents. When choosing sponsors for their child, parents should take into account that the church is not supportive of accepting the spiritual birth of a child if it is accepted by a married couple. But at the same time, a husband or wife can be the godparents of several children of the same parents.

Godparents of the child are close relatives - is it possible?

Before the baptism of a child, every conscious parent has a difficult question regarding how to choose a godfather and godmother for the baby. However, in most cases, the answer to it is on the surface, one has only to delve a little into the rules of the church. In the old days, they tried to expand the circle of relatives as much as possible. This was done in order to increase the number of people who in the future will take care of the child and help him in difficult situations. That is why the invitation to be godparents to close relatives was received only as an exception. This is due to the fact that in one family everyone takes care of each other already. Again, in order to increase the family circle, they tried to make sure that the brother and sister had different godfathers and mothers. But here the restriction is not on the part of the church, but under the influence of human concepts. The main thing is that the beneficiary does not forget about his duties, and he does not have a question as to whether it is possible to refuse to be a godfather. Having passed the rite of baptism with the child, the parent should feel a spiritual connection with him.

How many children can one person baptize

If a person is naturally kind, sociable and loves children, then different families can repeatedly offer him to become a sponsor. The question involuntarily pops up about how many times you can be godfather and mother? There are no quantitative restrictions on the part of the church, and you can be the spiritual parents of several children of your own free will. However, it is very important that the godfather is aware of the importance of this ritual and understands all the responsibility that is entrusted to him. A spiritual parent is a holy example for a godson. Not fulfilling his duties, he will answer not to the parents of the child, but to God. Throughout his life, the beneficiary must take care and protect his godchildren, no matter how many he has.

According to fb.ru

Almost all of us have godchildren, and I am no exception. I had my first godson when I was only 16 years old. At that moment, I unconsciously agreed to baptize, not fully understanding the responsibility that falls on me. But I don't regret what happened.

I often visited my godson, brought gifts and played as best I could. Five years later, I once again became a godmother, now to my niece. She now lives in another city and I can’t feel all the charm of the godmother.

Unexpected call

And a year ago, my husband's sister offered me to baptize her daughter. I almost dropped the phone in surprise, and blurted out “why me?” into the receiver from the exhaustion, in response I heard “I wanted someone to baptize one of my own”. I was given a few days to think.

In the depths of my soul, I initially understood that I had to refuse these christenings, but still I had a dialogue with my soul and heart. I wanted to refuse not because I already have 2 godchildren, but because we practically do not communicate with my husband's sister.

We do not have any connection spiritual and even sincere. We very rarely call each other, and see each other like this only on holidays. We are too different in life and in our views. And in order to baptize children, it seems to me that something more is needed.

To be or not to be?

I rummaged through the Internet in search of an answer to the question “is it possible to refuse christening?” Because I've heard before that you can't refuse. The answers were different. Here are some examples:

It is not a peasant matter to refuse baptism
- if you have already baptized three times, then you can refuse, if not, then you can’t
- if you are a believer, then you can not
- refusal of christening is tantamount to refusal of the cross, and this is a sin.

Someone wrote that you can’t refuse and you need to baptize in order to do a favor to your parents, because they believe in you and believe that it is you who should baptize their child, and you can’t offend them.

There were many answers that you can refuse if there are reasons for it. I take christening very seriously and I think that it is necessary to baptize children whom you love already in the womb, then you will be a real godmother. And it is very important to be on good terms with the child's parents. The main thing is to know that these are honest and conscientious people who live according to their conscience.

Decisive answer

In my case, there was no good relationship, or rather, there was no relationship. I treat the child well, but also like many other children. Therefore, I thought that my conscience would be unclean if I agreed simply because someone came up with some kind of superstition.

It turned out that she did not specifically want to take me as a godfather, but someone “of her own”, and there were no more “her own”, I would agree, because it seems impossible to refuse. It seems to me that this is wrong. Even though I was uncomfortable, I refused.

Have you ever had to turn down a christening?

To receive the best articles, subscribe to Alimero's pages in