How to get rid of envy: wise advice. How to get rid of envy of other people

One of the seven deadly sins, which means that it has long been a well-known human vice that eats people from the inside at all times and in all countries, is envy. Someone boasts that he is not subject to her, knowing that he keeps her in his heart, the other calls her "white", trying to whitewash his own name. One way or another, at least petty envy, perhaps, everyone has experienced at least once in their life. We are all not saints. But this is wrong, especially if it develops into a constantly experienced feeling. So how do you get rid of it? How to stop being jealous?

What's this?

Envy is dissatisfaction with the success of others. This is a feeling that gnaws at the heart if a neighbor bought an expensive car, and a friend has a new boyfriend. If instead of us they put an objectionable colleague in charge of the project or a distant relative goes abroad, but we don’t! All this is defined precisely by the word "envy".

People say that a person is interested in someone else's life only when he does not have his own. And they also say that the neighbor always has a brighter sun and greener grass. All this suggests that it is not for nothing that envy was dubbed a mortal sin long before our century, and it was known even in pagan times, since it was preserved in proverbs. In addition, there are also quotes about envy. And they are also known from ancient times. Religions even provide for prayer from envy. However, why people are jealous, this does not explain at all.

Who is worse off for this?

Envy is a very sad feeling. Indeed, in fact, only the envious person, who only "spits poison" at everyone, and then for the most part harmless, is worse from her only. Because he poisons life only for himself, suffers, sometimes complains, but this is not something that usually causes sympathy among those around him.

The problem comes from childhood

Many people have a bad habit of comparing themselves, their lives and everything else with someone else's. Why? Do people envy because of comparison or do they compare because they are jealous? It's worth looking into this.

The subconscious perception of "me and others" is laid down in childhood. Unfortunately too a large number of parents are trying to accustom the child to, in general, good things, using not very good methods. They say: "Look how cute Kristina is, that's how it should be!" or "Study like Masha", or "You see, Petya goes in for sports, and you ... Eh." And the child is faced with the problem of what he cannot do as someone else, because he is he, but this does not suit the parents.

So a child grows up with a constant thought that the other, whoever he may be, is obviously better. And he begins to envy those who do not have the shortcomings that his mom and dad reproached him with.

Psychological theories

According to Jung, by the way, there is a certain sense in such actions of parents. A well-known psychologist believed that envy can awaken a thirst for new achievements in a person, turning shortcomings into virtues. Say, a closed child grows up to be a famous politician, poor health is sometimes a catalyst for sports and victories in this field. Carl Jung said that everyone famous people there was some flaw. Maybe it is so, for example, in some cases this will tip the scales towards something good. But for the most part, unfortunately, it turns out exactly the opposite. At least because children do not have a mature enough personality to be able to manage their vices.

pathological envy

A perpetually envious child will inevitably turn into a perpetually envious adult. And he will suddenly have much more reasons for this feeling. Any phrase from another person is boasting, and any luck is a reason to come out with anger, because "Well, everything is different as always!".

Therefore, one thought on how to stop envy is already the first step towards victory over your vice. After all, many are not even going to improve, and this is very sad.

Black and white envy

"I envy white envy!" - the girlfriend affirms, pursing her lips and turning her nose too high. Why is that? There is only one answer: because there is no white envy.

Any feeling of annoyance that arises at the mention of other people's successes is defined as envy. And it’s better not to deceive yourself that a fallen mood at the sight of a thinner girlfriend is just a coincidence. Yes, they say "envy silently," but hiding a vice does not mean getting rid of it. And, in the end, only sincere joy for the victories of relatives and friends is the real absence of a sin on your part, without any impurities of black and white envy.

Competition

In economics, there is the concept of pure competition. Without going into details, we can describe it as a perfect model of this phenomenon. It also applies to real life. Healthy competition allows you to improve and keep yourself in good shape in order not to lose to your opponent. The bottom line is that it should not become a meaning, but simply be a kind of motivating assistant.

If the competition reaches the peak where it becomes envy, you can no longer expect help from it - one harm. For example, its motivating effect will definitely no longer be felt. It's a fact: envious people do little to get what they want, they just envy silently!

Separate species: envy of other people's talents

Why is it necessary to highlight this in a special paragraph? Let's start with the fact that talent is a gift from above. And talented people are born like that, whether they use this gift or not, develop it or bury it in the sand. An exceptional variant of this phenomenon - genius - is a very rare event. Therefore, envy of someone else's talent obviously only destroys the envious from within.

Heightened sense of justice

This is how envy is called by those who believe that the other has received his blessing undeservedly. And they are completely wrong. Justice is when you tell the cashier that he gave more change than it should be. Or when he divided something equally among all. And if someone else's good does not let you sleep peacefully, this is no longer justice. This is undisguised jealousy.

"I'm a little jealous"

It is worth remembering once and for all - "a little" envy will not work. Either you're jealous or you're not. And if the first option, it is better to admit it to yourself right away. Let go of the negative. And say goodbye to this once and for all.

How to fix everything?

And here he is main question: "How to stop being jealous?" The first step is to recognize the problem and not wait for easy solutions. By the way, this applies not only to this topic, but to almost everything. For example, prayer from envy is one of the options for solving the problem for believers (Lord! Deliver me, the servant of God (name), from the influence of dark forces). Building harmonious personality is a painstaking and important matter, and for it it is necessary to apply a lot of diligence. You can read quotes about envy ("Envy knows no days off", "Envy is poison for the heart", etc.), you can take only the first step as much as you like, but you still have to go further.

"No" to comparisons!

Even if the problem of comparison was laid down a long time ago, and maybe not even by you, alas, you will have to deal with it. Stop thinking about what others have there. Others have a different good, but the problems are different. And it's their life, not yours. So much has been given to you - the freedom is to be concretely yourself and not somebody else. You can’t get enough of someone else’s good, and, believe me, if you had the same thing as a friend, colleague, neighbor, you would not become happier from this.

Ask yourself one simple question

Why envy? Think about this question. Does it make sense? Because, as we found out, there is absolutely no benefit from this. So is it worth spending life on something that only poisons it? Isn't it easier to let go of this vice and allow yourself to enjoy the fact that you live on this earth?

Let go of pride

One sin leads to another. Envy is inextricably linked with pride. Thinking that you are better than others is just as bad as thinking that you are supposedly worse. Since it’s only worth hurting your pride, if someone buys something better, and here it is - envy, welcome, but you didn’t expect it at all, did you?

Be humane

Envy sees other people's virtues and does not see shortcomings. Take a closer look at your loved ones, who, in your opinion, have an ideal life. Perhaps they need help more than ever? Your ideal will inevitably stoop. Because it doesn't exist. And mutual assistance is the basis of strong friendship, while envy is its clear enemy.

be careful

Notice your victories in the same way that you were vigilant for strangers. Every little thing, every success - isn't this a reason to rejoice? If your diligence was enough to catch the reasons for envy, it will be enough for happiness, joy and gratitude to fate and to yourself. Don't underestimate your worth. False modesty is just as dangerous as arrogance. Adequate self-esteem allows you to get rid of many vices, including envy.

Turn jealousy to your advantage

No matter how rosy it all sounds, living by the principle of "never envy" is not that difficult, rather, impossible. In this sense, the notorious aphorism "Never say never" will fit the topic. Therefore, you can extract the best from this vice. Perhaps you are jealous because you really want this, but still did not dare to take action? Get started today, right now. At least start by thinking about how you will do it - all great things start with ideas. But do not let envy drag you into the abyss of idleness and self-oppression, it deserves to be benefited from it, and then thrown away.

You can't get everything

The fact that getting everything is unrealistic can sound very sad until you realize that you don’t need everything. You must know who you are. What you want, what you have achieved and what you will achieve. Why do you do what you do. And then envy someone else's happiness will not even come to mind. Who said someone else's light is better than your darkness? After all, for you it is brighter than thousands of foreign suns!

Learn to trust yourself

Only within yourself can you find what you personally need. People are afraid to trust the voice of their mind, because they believe that others know better. Or they don’t count, but bend under this pressure. Be stronger public opinion, go your own way, no matter what and no one.

Effects

Some people will never even think about how to stop being jealous, because they will not see the reasons for this. Pathologically unhappy, driven to a dead end by their vice, who began to be proud of it - a model of people in need of help. To say that jealousy is bad will no longer be a sufficient argument in favor of change.

The main consequence of envy is unrealized dreams and talents buried in the ground. You will not be able to achieve your happiness if you follow someone else's path. Or, even worse, not to go at all, just to watch others pick the best fruit from the tree and maliciously envy why they are taller than you.

Envy is the enemy of harmony. Harmony is the key to happiness. Do not deprive yourself of it voluntarily. Ultimately, everyone deserves it. You are no worse and no better than others.

Finally

Don't beat yourself up for jealousy. Do not reproach yourself for your vices in principle. But don't let them lead you. They are yours, not you theirs.

Envy is unlikely to disappear from the world, as well as the other six sins that accompany it. They walk hand in hand, ready to take everyone into their arms. But let them pass by and forgive us our happiness.

Looking at another person, we very often experience discomfort from his successes and achievements, and it is at this moment that we think how not to envy. After all, the norm is to rejoice in the success of other people, and not to envy. After all, envy, according to scientists, only harms a person. In this article, you will learn how to get rid of envy, both black and white.

How to get rid of envy of people

Envy is a very bad quality in a person. And each of us at least once in his life felt it. Not everyone knows how to get rid of it, because the feeling of envy constantly bursts us at the sight of new car girlfriend, friend's dear phone, and just a neighbor's happy smile.

Basically, 90% of people envy their partners, friends and even relatives. Even if you are a well-educated person, an expert in your field, have a happy family, drive an expensive car, sometimes it seems to you that your companion has a life much better than yours, at least a little, his lawn is greener, and the roof is a millimeter higher than yours, although your houses were built according to the same project.

Remember, someone else's only seems better, prettier, cleaner, nicer, etc. We do not know how other people really are, what is hidden behind the beautiful facade of their lives.

However, the feeling of envy constantly lives in us, and from time to time shows its head. And all because we are constantly competing with each other, we constantly compare ourselves with the rest. And at such moments, all our achievements are reduced to zero, because it seems to us that someone has achieved more, although this someone may envy you in some way.

Someone's superiority affects us negatively, it crushes and oppresses, at such moments, you should think about what you have and no one else has. Think about your uniqueness and unsurpassedness, and then you will feel the balance, it is at this moment that the feeling of envy can be overcome by saying loudly to yourself, I have something that the one I envy does not have.

To get rid of envy, one must remember that one person cannot have everything in the world, for example, if your friend is rich. He just has gorgeous houses and cars and he can afford to spend the night in different cities, then he probably has a difficult relationship with his wife, or he cannot have children, or he has health problems.

That is, in other words, he has some kind of disadvantage. Always, if you feel envy of someone, think about it, be smarter, wiser and remember, "each hut has its own toys." Perhaps you only see the window, and behind the window, terrible things can happen.

Quite often, the cause of envy is that we see those whom we rarely envy. Basically, we only see bright flashes of someone else's life, and most often we compare them with our own long hard life, although we do not know what this person had to go through to achieve this. Therefore, if you want to get rid of the feeling of envy, it is better to look for the pluses in your life, there are probably a lot of them, and, having understood this, you will be satisfied with yourself.

How to deal with envy

The question is quite serious, given that often this greatly reduces one's own self-esteem. Arising on various occasions, the feeling of envy implies the superiority of someone in relation to oneself, not giving the opportunity to enjoy one's own successes or actions. At the same time, it is also very important how much it can hypertrophy, because the most important thing for a person after that is to reach the level reached by the person against whom envy is experienced.

For envious people, the recommendation to get out of this circumstance will be a series of actionable advice, since you can get rid of the feeling of envy very quickly by evaluating your own capabilities and individuality. And it is this quality that is leading in this struggle, because it characterizes what everyone is capable of in order to enjoy the lifestyle and its features.

If you want to get rid of envy, do the following:

Get new things and use them as often as possible, trying to get the attention of the object of former envy. It is likely that he will also seek to acquire similar, and this will characterize you as the founder of trends.
Understand what exactly a person is jealous of. There is a possibility that in the relationship that he describes so colorfully and romantically, there are no good moments, but they are simply embellished by him. Then it is worth understanding that he himself has nothing to offer you, if you do not think and idealize.
Diversify your lifestyle, try to get a lot more positive emotions without appreciating how much the object of envy has received.
Highlight your advantages over him and use them as your own benchmarks of your success in comparison with him.
Try to think less about his preferences and talk less about topics that make you jealous. Some of them are completely far-fetched and there can be no completely successful purchases or events for him, because for this people spend something and donate.

At the same time, a feeling of white envy can be very useful, as it will stimulate you to take action and rejoice in the successes not only of the object of envy, but also of your own. Then this aspect will serve you very positively, because there may not be a stronger incentive to be better.

How to overcome envy

When black envy arises, feelings arise that give you motivation for mean and sometimes very cruel deeds. All actions are often aimed at eliminating "unfair" inequality, in something. With such a feeling, a person can commit such actions that are very difficult to explain rationally. For example: burn vehicle neighbor, because it is too expensive and you can’t afford it, or break the windows in a beautiful house, because you are not able to buy it, but you really want to.

To get rid of anger and envy, try to be grateful to fate for everything that you already have. In this case, try to skip material values in your thoughts. But thank fate for the fact that you breathe the air and see the sky, etc. Oddly enough, most people simply do not know how;

Envy is easiest to extinguish in your mind when comparing yourself and another person. After all, if you put you and someone else on the scales, then for sure there will be qualities that the compared object will not have. Try, if possible, to highlight and once again remember them;

You can’t get rid of this feeling just like that, and even more so if you don’t want to admit that you are jealous. Only by admitting this, you will be able to start a fight with unacceptable feelings;

If you want to get rid of envy, try to find a way by which you will become happy after its implementation. The most effective medicine in this case is imagination. Imagine that everyone envy you;

Try to reach the same level as the person you were previously considering;

Find your path to success and start moving towards it. At the same time, good results should be achieved.

The saddest thing is that most people do not even try to think about how to get rid of such a feeling as envy. With all this, they themselves, without noticing it, carry in themselves a constant source that feeds them with negative emotions.

Today I will answer a question how to get rid of envy stop envying people. Envy is a common vice that is reflected in different cultures and traditions. For example, in Catholic theology, envy is one of the seven deadly sins associated with other vices and crimes.

Indeed, because of envy, many terrible deeds are committed, which people later regret. But even if a person does not splash out envy, it eats him up from the inside, causing him to feel senseless pain and frustration because other people have things that this person would like to have or have personal qualities that the envious person wants to have.

This pain is meaningless because it leads to nothing but suffering. Envy, dissatisfaction, which is known in comparison with other people, does not bring us closer to what we envy so much: money, attention, social status, external attractiveness. Instead of sharing the joy of success with another person or using his example as a life lesson, we envy, subconsciously wish him failure, cultivate hatred for ourselves and suffer ourselves.

But the insidiousness of envy lies not only in the fact that it causes other vices, such as hatred, intolerance, irritation and despondency. The fact is that envy is unsatisfactory. No matter how rich we are, someone will still be richer than us. If we get a lot of attention from the opposite sex, then in any case, we will someday meet people who are more physically attractive than us. And if we are the undoubted leader in one thing, then there will always be people who will surpass you in something else. The outer world will not allow us to finally satisfy our sense of envy.

How to stop being jealous of people

All this does not mean that this feeling cannot be got rid of. But in order to do this, it is necessary to direct the impact on the very mental mechanisms of the appearance of this feeling, and not on the objects of the external world that supposedly cause this feeling. After all, the causes of all your emotions and desires lie within you. I hope this article will help you overcome these reasons. I will tell you how you need to work on yourself in order to achieve this.

1 - Don't feed your envy

Many people, when they begin to envy, instinctively try to stop envy in the following way. For example, they are offended by the fact that their neighbor has more money than they do. To cope with this feeling, they begin to think: “So what if he is richer? But I’m smarter, I got a better education and my wife, although not as beautiful, is younger than his.”

Such arguments cool envy a little and allow you to feel a more worthy and developed person than your neighbor, whose wealth must have been ill-gotten.

This is the natural way of thinking of a person experiencing envy. Many psychological articles give advice in the same vein: “Think about your strengths and good qualities. Find something that makes you better than other people!”

Also, such sources recommend looking for what lies behind the external well-being of the object of envy, offering to pacify your envy by thinking that things may not be as good for the people you envy as it seems with outside.

Perhaps your neighbor's wealth does not come easy, he has to invest a lot of effort and, most likely, he does not even have time to spend all this money. And his wife, perhaps, has the character of a bitch and takes out all her anger on a neighbor when he returns from a tedious job.

In my opinion, such advice does not serve the purpose of eliminating envy, although it would seem that they correspond to common sense considerations. Why do I think so?

Because when you're trying to deal with your envy in a similar way, you go on pandering to it, feeding it. After all, you do not force this "demon" of envy to shut up. Instead, you politely reassure him with a sense of your own superiority over others, or the knowledge that outsiders are not doing as well as they seem. Is it possible to defeat this "demon"? After all, he will gratefully swallow these arguments, but he will become full only for a while!

It's the same as throwing a bone to a hungry and vicious dog so that he will occupy his mouth with something and stop barking and gnawing the bars of the cage in which he sits. But sooner or later he will gnaw the bone anyway. She will not satisfy his appetite, but only excite him even more! And his fangs will become sharper, sharpening on the bone.

Therefore, I believe that one should not feed one's envy with such exhortations. This does not mean that you should consider yourself worse than others in everything. It means simply accepting what is, not wishing any people to fail and not putting yourself above others.

The "demon" of envy will die only when you stop feeding it the fruits from the tree of your self-importance.

I have to apply this principle in my life quite often. For example, I notice that my friend has a great sense of humor, much better than mine. I instinctively begin to think: “but, I speak and express my thoughts better than him ...”. But then I interrupt myself: "Stop! No "but". My friend just has a better sense of humor than me. That is the fact. And that's all."

This calm acceptance that someone is better than you at something without any "indulgences" from your ego requires a certain amount of courage. But this is the only way to defeat your vice and starve the "demon" of envy.

Of course, this alone is not enough. Probably, not everyone will understand how to come to this. Further, I will try to give other tips that will help you, without unnecessary emotions, admit that you are not an ideal person and there are people who are better than you in some way. I don't want to say that you have to put up with it completely and not improve your qualities. Not at all. I will also discuss in this article how self-development has to do with envy. But first things first.

2 - Get rid of the sense of justice

Envy is often associated with our ideas of justice. It seems to us that our neighbor (long-suffering) does not deserve the money that he earns. You should earn such money, because you are smart, educated, intelligent, not like your neighbor, who is not interested in anything but beer and football, and you even doubt whether he graduated from school.

Dissatisfaction is born due to the discrepancy between reality and your expectations., frustration. But it is important to understand that ideas about justice exist only in your head! You think: “Actually, I should be earning more than I get.” Who should? Or why should they? The world exists according to its own laws, which do not always correspond to your concepts of right and wrong, fair and unfair.

This world doesn't "owe" you anything. Everything in it happens as it happens and in no other way.

When you start thinking about the injustice done to you, you look at it from the angle of those things that are not in you, but are present in someone else and are the objects of your envy. But at the same time, for some reason, you do not think about those things that you already possess.

You ask: “Why don’t I have such an expensive car as my neighbor, where is justice?”
But you don't ask, “Why do I have a house and someone doesn't? Why can I even desire this car at all, and some people are born disabled, with severe physical limitations and cannot even think about women or cars?

Why don't you ask where is the justice in the latter case? Do you really think that injustice is only done to you?

Such is the world. It does not always meet our expectations. Get rid of all "shoulds". Accept it.

3 - Wish people well

Learn to celebrate the success of others and not suffer because of them. If your friend or loved one has achieved some kind of success, then that's good! This is a person close to you, to whom you probably wish good and prosperity, because you feel sympathy or love towards him (otherwise he would not be your friend).

And it's just fine if this friend bought himself a new apartment in Moscow or married a smart and beautiful woman. Try to be happy for him! Of course, when you try to do this, you will be met with a sense of injustice: “Why does he have it and I don’t?”

Instead, think that at least one of you has something and it's better than if none of you had it.

"I" and other "I"

Many human vices come from we cling very strongly to our "I", believing that the desires, thoughts, needs of this "I" are much more important than the needs of someone else's "I".

And envy also comes from this attachment. We believe that the fact that we have or do not have some things matters much more than whether other people have these things. Technically, it makes no difference who drives an expensive Jeep, you or your neighbor. Just a jeep belongs to someone and someone uses it. But from within your "I" this fact becomes of great importance. It is important for you that this jeep is yours, it is you, your “I” that enjoys driving it, and not the “I” of someone else! There is nothing surprising here. It is nature that has made man such that he puts his own "I" at the center of all existence.

But this does not mean that this order of things is final and unchanging. People very rarely think about the following thing: “why is my happiness and satisfaction so much more important than the happiness and satisfaction of another person?” If they thought about it more often, then, in my opinion, they would have a chance to understand that their "I" is not the most important thing in the world, that other people are various "Selves", each of which has something wants just like you, strives for something just like you, suffers and rejoices just like you.

And this understanding should open the way for a person to empathy and empathy, which will allow him to share someone else's joy and better understand someone else's suffering. This is not just some kind of moral ideal, it is a way to stop clinging to our own desires as the most important thing in the world and gain independence from these desires and from the fact that we can not satisfy all desires.

How more people considers his "I" the most important thing in the world, the more he suffers.

An exercise:

Therefore, the next time you are seized by an attack of envy towards a person close to you, try to mentally put yourself in the place of this person, realize his joy and satisfaction over some great acquisition, think about how he feels now. Imagine him moving into a new apartment with his family, or traveling in a spacious car he recently purchased. Then focus on how you feel about this person, how much you love and respect him, and how glad you are that he is now Good!

In general, try to imagine the object of your envy not from the side of your discontent, but from the side, the satisfaction of your friend or close relative. Go beyond your own "I" and stay at least a little bit in the place of the "I" of another! This is a very rewarding experience.

It is enough to do this exercise for five minutes and you will no longer have such great importance the fact that this joy is not experienced by you. You can at least share it a little with another person and be happy for him.

I understand that this advice is difficult to apply to people you don't like or who are simply not close to you. But you should try to be as friendly as possible to all people, regardless of your likes and dislikes. Life will be much easier if you can do it.

4 - Compliment

A great way to quickly get rid of a fit of envy is to compliment the person about what you sound like. It may seem terribly counterintuitive, but it works and produces amazing instant results.

Once my friend told me about some events related to sports. He spoke very excitingly, but what struck me most of all was that he remembered to the smallest detail some features of the life and career of athletes, many dates and events fit in his head! I immediately thought, “Wow! I wouldn't be able to remember so many details!" And I began to feel a familiar bundle of envy inside. I have always envied most of all the fact that people are somehow smarter than me.

But instead of thinking about how bad it is, I overcame myself and said with a smile: “Listen, you have a great memory! How can you remember so much!?”

And at the same moment I felt better, envy was gone. And I realized that everyone wins in this situation: my friend received a pleasant compliment, and I stopped worrying about the fact that he is superior to me in some things! Everyone is happy!

And since then I have been constantly using this method and it has helped me more than once, saving me from bouts of envy. Let's return to our metaphor with the "demon" of envy, which we are trying to starve to death. Our compliment will let this demon know that we are not just depriving him of food. We will simply take a piece of food that was intended for him and take it to someone else (maybe this someone is your sincere empathy, support and love), so that this someone eats it in front of the “demon”. We show him our firm intention not to submit to his whims, but to act in the opposite way.

Let your compliment be not even sincere, let it be said through force, but still it will lead you to a good result. Just try! Action can give rise to emotions, and not just vice versa!

The principle of acting in opposition to your emotions is great for dealing with any feelings.

5 - Think about development!

It happens that envy appears for the reason that other people's successes and virtues remind us of our own imperfections and shortcomings. Against the background of other people, we begin to see ourselves as losers, weak people, and this causes an acute feeling of dissatisfaction with ourselves and envy.

But after all, even if we are really worse than others in something, this does not mean that it will always be so! It is from the conviction that our personality cannot change and go beyond innate abilities that it forms many vices: painful conceit, intolerance of failure, rejection of criticism and envy.

A person with such an attitude, instead of developing, directs all his efforts to prove that he is better, smarter than others from birth. Prove, first of all, to yourself. But reality will not always echo his expectation, causing acute disappointment and rejection. This point has found brilliant treatment in Carol Dweck's The Flexible Mind.

We can develop those qualities that we envy when we see other people.

After all, if we think about our qualities in this way, then there will be less reason for envy, because the unfavorable verdicts that we make to ourselves, comparing ourselves with other people, will not be final! We will stop dwelling on our allegedly unchanging imperfection, which is most clearly manifested against the background of the merits of others, and we will strive to change. We can become better and get closer to what we envy so much.

Of course, the idea that we can become as smart (or rich) as our friend, if we put in the effort and start developing our brain (or learning how to make money), can inspire a person and help him cope with feelings of jealousy towards a friend.

But, nevertheless, you should not completely convert envy into motivation for development. After all, if we develop only in order to become better than some people, then we will endure the notorious disappointment. First, anyway, someone will be better than us. Secondly, some qualities, we will not be able to develop much anyway. As much as we want it, we can't get the looks Hollywood actor. Thirdly, our expectations and hopes will not always come true. Even with titanic efforts, we may not achieve what we so desired.

Therefore, on the one hand, you should develop your qualities because it will help you become better and happier, and not in order to feed your pride. On the other hand, you need to accept yourself as you are, especially where you cannot change yourself and be prepared for the fact that your plans will not come true. This is a delicate balance between the desire to develop, become better, self-acceptance and readiness for anything. If you find this balance, you will be much happier and less envious of other people.

6 - Be prepared to take responsibility for the path you have chosen

Each person to choose their own path. This choice does not have to happen only once in a lifetime. This path is like a forked road, where forks are common. Different paths have different advantages. And the advantages that are on one path may be absent on the other.

Therefore, you do not need to compare your path with the path of another person, because you yourself made your choice, and the other person also made his choice.

If your used car with a rattling engine is overtaken on the highway by a huge, shiny jeep that you recognize as someone you know behind the wheel, then know that this person is following a different path from yours.

Maybe at one time you bet on freedom from daily work, a large amount of time that you can devote to yourself or your family, and not on making money. Whereas the man in the jeep decided that he would spend a lot of time at work in constant thoughts about how to earn more. He took risks, aspired for more, and as a result of his labors, he was able to afford to buy this jeep.

Everyone chose his own and got what was supposed to be his choice, you - freedom and privacy, someone else - money.

But the choice is not always conscious. Maybe your friend in an expensive car at one time chose the opportunity to work hard for his future, get a good education and a job. And you, at the same time, preferred momentary pleasure to your future: skipped classes at the institute, went for a walk, drank and had fun. And this is also a choice, although you might not be aware of it.

So be prepared to be responsible for the consequences of your choices. This is your path and you choose it yourself. And by the way, you can always change it. Then what can be envious at all?

But if, say, you and your friend initially chose the same thing: education, then work and money, but the result is different for each of you: you drive a wreck, and he drives a beautiful jeep. You work as much as he does, but you don't get a significant result. What to do in this case? And here we come again to the concept of justice

What determines your path?

You can accept that your path is determined not only by your choice, but also by the direction of the road, the obstacles on your course, the length of your legs. That is, it depends on random circumstances, luck, your abilities, meetings along the way with other people, etc.

If so, then everything falls into place. It turns out that no two paths are the same, each path is unique. And the result of this path was formed under the influence of many and many factors, that is, this result cannot be called accidental. It existed within the framework of causal relationships, which determined the final result. That is, everything happened the way it should have happened and nothing else. Maybe this is real justice, which lies in the fact that everything happens according to some order incomprehensible to a person? (I'm not talking about karma or anything like that, I'm only talking about cause and effect relationships that we can't grasp with our minds.)

I understand that I have gone into philosophy, but I want to say that all these arguments can be applied in life. Realize, then, that the fact that you are driving an old car happened for a reason. This result was prepared by many events in your life, the fate of different people was involved in it. This was your path.

Let you not always be able to make your choice and decide where to move, but what happened, it happened. That is life.

7 - Think about the value of what you envy

Whatever a person strives for, he does not achieve the happiness that his imagination promises him.

Therefore, in principle, there are no such material things that should be envied at all. Since there is really no significant difference between whether you have them or not. I understand that this statement seems very controversial to some, but if you think about it, everything is so. Remember your childhood, were you then more unhappy than now, due to the fact that you did not have the attributes of adult life (car, money, etc.)? And when you got these things, were you any happier than before?

I do not think so. But what can be said not about material things, but about some personal qualities. Mind, beauty, charisma, etc. In fact, these qualities, as well as material things, also do not make people happier (at least not always). They can form short contentment, fleeting pleasure, but one cannot say that a beautiful and intelligent person is constantly happy just because he is like that! He also gets used to these attributes of his as to a yacht or a car! Moreover, beauty (and the mind too) are not eternal. At some point they will start to fade. And then the one who was attached to these things will feel acute dissatisfaction and even suffering!

Therefore, there are practically no things that should be envied. Because many of them do not bring the expected happiness! It does not really matter, in principle, a smart person or stupid, handsome or ugly. By and large, everyone has similar fates: from a billionaire to a beggar, from a top model to a battered housewife. After all, it cannot be said that one of them is much happier than the other.

This is a rather strange statement for an article on a self-development website. “Why develop if there is no difference what will happen in the end?” - You ask. I must answer that, firstly, I never thought about self-development for the sake of self-development. I considered all the qualities that need to be developed only from the standpoint of the possibility of achieving happiness, as tools for this happiness, and not an end in itself. Secondly, I do not want to say that there is no difference at all between whether you are smart or stupid, rich or poor. You just don’t need to become attached to these things and believe that the one who possesses them will certainly rest on some kind of happy Olympus and therefore it is these things that you lack for happiness.

Why did I take happiness as what determines the peculiarity of human destiny. Because all people, consciously or not, strive for happiness. But most of them choose the wrong paths and, even having reached fabulous wealth and power, they do not come there. I talked about this in my article how to become a happy person.

Conclusion - Envy prevents us from learning from other people

Why is envy considered such a great vice? I already said at the beginning that it does not bring any benefit, but only one suffering. It prevents us from sharing their joy with others. But there is another reason. Envy prevents us from learning from other people. Instead of looking at their merit and merits and striving for them, we silently suffer because of envy, secretly wishing these people failure.

The peculiarity of negative emotions is such that they make a person fixate on themselves, depriving his mind of mobility and choice: such a person can only think about one thing. But openness, sincerity, respect and empathy give our mind more freedom. And he gets the opportunity to learn something new.

If you stop being envious, then the world of another person will no longer be an object for comparison, but will become an open book from which you can extract a lot of useful things for yourself. By freeing your mind from envy, you can better understand other people.

I hope my advice will help you overcome envy. But if you are still caught by this feeling by surprise, remember that this is just some kind of feeling that you do not have to obey. Stop suffering because of the thoughts that this feeling tells you. Just relax and watch this feeling without any thoughts. It always helps!

Today I will answer a question how to get rid of envy stop envying people. Envy is a common vice that is reflected in various cultures and traditions. For example, in Catholic theology, envy is one of the seven deadly sins associated with other vices and crimes.

How to stop being jealous of people

1 - Don't feed your envy

Such arguments cool envy a little and allow you to feel a more worthy and developed person than your neighbor, whose wealth must have been ill-gotten.

In my opinion, such advice does not serve the purpose of eliminating envy, although it would seem that they correspond to common sense considerations. Why do I think so?

The "demon" of envy will die only when you stop feeding it the fruits from the tree of your self-importance.

2 - Get rid of the sense of justice

This world doesn't "owe" you anything. Everything in it happens as it happens and in no other way.

Why don't you ask where is the justice in the latter case? Do you really think that injustice is only done to you?

Such is the world. It does not always meet our expectations. Get rid of all "shoulds". .

3 - Wish people well

Instead, think that at least one of you has something and it's better than if none of you had it.

"I" and other "I"

Many human vices come from we cling very strongly to our "I", believing that the desires, thoughts, needs of this "I" are much more important than the needs of someone else's "I".

The more a person considers his "I" the most important thing in the world, the more he suffers.

5 - Think about development!

We can develop those qualities that we envy when we see other people.

Of course, the idea that we can become as smart (or rich) as our friend if we put in the effort and become (or learn how to make money) can inspire a person and help him cope with feeling jealous of a friend.

But, nevertheless, you should not completely convert envy into motivation for development. After all, if we develop only in order to become better than some people, then we will endure the notorious disappointment. First, anyway, someone will be better than us. Secondly, some qualities, we will not be able to develop much anyway. As much as we want it, we can't get the look of a Hollywood actor. Thirdly, our expectations and hopes will not always come true. Even with titanic efforts, we may not achieve what we so desired.

6 - Be prepared to take responsibility for the path you have chosen

Therefore, you do not need to compare your path with the path of another person, because you yourself made your choice, and the other person also made his choice.

Everyone chose his own and got what was supposed to be his choice, you - freedom and privacy, someone else - money.

So be prepared to be responsible for the consequences of your choices. This is your path and you choose it yourself. And by the way, you can always change it. Then what can be envious at all?

What determines your path?

Let you not always be able to make your choice and decide where to move, but what happened, it happened. That is life.

7 - Think about the value of what you envy

Whatever a person strives for, he does not achieve the happiness that his imagination promises him.

Conclusion – Envy prevents us from learning from other people

Envy is one of the most unpleasant feelings that destroy from the inside. A person is haunted by other people's joys, achievements and material acquisitions. This feeling can arise in everyone, regardless of the characteristics of his character, temperament, gender, belonging to a particular nationality or race. Envy is most acutely felt at the age of 18–25, but by the age of 60 this feeling practically weakens or disappears completely.

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Envy poisons a person's life, oppresses him, makes him unhappy. Mood worsens, sleep disappears, which contributes to a constant stay in a state of stress. It is important to be able to recognize this feeling in order to get rid of it in time and become a self-sufficient person.

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Reasons for feeling

The reason for the appearance of envy in most cases is a feeling of dissatisfaction and a need for something. It can be money, power, physical strength, beauty. A person may have a strong desire to buy an apartment in a prestigious area, an expensive car of the latest brand, marry a charming girl or marry a loving and wealthy man.

Regardless of what a person lacks in life to feel happiness and harmony, the origins of the development of this harmful feeling lie in childhood, through the fault of parents:

The child is not taught to accept himself as he is.
The baby did not receive unconditional love. Instead, he was simply praised for fulfilling the demands of adults (washing dishes, playing a musical instrument).
Parents constantly scolded their child for any deviation from the rules, using curse words or using physical violence.
Mom and dad taught the baby that wealth is bad, and poverty and restrictions are the norm.
The child was forced to constantly share, and he did not have the opportunity to independently dispose of his things.
Parents taught the child that one should not talk about their successes and happiness, as they can be jinxed.
The kid grew up with the mindset that "life is very hard" or "life is full of problems."

The result of such behavior of mom and dad, as well as their attitudes, is the inability of an adult child to enjoy life. A person develops many complexes, prejudices, self-restraints, negative attitudes that were adopted from their parents.

From the point of view of psychology, envy arises if a person is accustomed to living in strictness, engaging in self-criticism, has a heightened sense of sacrifice, and is not accustomed to expecting anything good in life.

A person continues to exist within the limits, does not give himself freedom, does not allow himself to sincerely enjoy the pleasant moments of life. He begins to compare himself with others, and it seems to him that someone is much happier and more successful than him.

Another reason for the development of a feeling of envy for someone else's happiness is that a person is alone with himself around the clock, and he sees the one whom he envies only occasionally. This contributes to the emergence of a sharp contrast between one's own life and other people's outbursts of joy.

How to get rid of guilt

Ways to overcome your own envy

Envy is not always destructive. It can be both black and white, and in different ways affect human behavior. If envy is white, then it can become an incentive for further self-improvement. Also, this feeling can vary in its duration.

It is necessary to fight one's own black envy, as it has a bad effect not only on the psychological, but also on the physical health of a person. Orthodoxy is extremely negative about this feeling, considering it one of the great sins of mankind. Therefore, it is important to follow simple recommendations that will help you get rid of it, become successful and learn how to live your life.

Conduct introspection

To stop envying other people and get rid of negative feelings, you should first find out the reasons for its appearance. A person must analyze his inner "I" and understand why he is jealous, and then say it out loud.

After that, you need to think about the effect envy has on life. For example, a woman who is dissatisfied with herself can constantly go to a page in in social networks to ex-husband and look at his wedding photos, envy his girlfriend, who has rich fans, etc. Thus, envy takes a lot of time, moral and physical strength from a person, which could be directed to their own self-improvement. This feeling destroys relationships in a personal and public life, forcing to experience anger and hatred towards people.

How to overcome shyness

Speak your thoughts and feelings

Psychologists say that in order to get rid of negative emotions, they must be spoken. This can be done both in writing and in a conversation with someone.

If a situation arose when a person was very envious, then you can describe all your feelings by writing them on paper. It is necessary to clarify when this happened, what emotions he felt at that moment, and what he wanted to say. Words will help to “lock up the feeling”, put it in a certain framework and solve the problem.

A frank conversation with a friend will have a similar effect, who will be able to listen carefully, ask the right questions and give good advice. The main thing is that this person should not be familiar with the one to whom the feeling of envy has arisen.

Get distracted by important things

You can drive away unpleasant thoughts and sensations by doing ordinary daily activities that you need to focus on. It is necessary to try to free yourself from constant thoughts about the success of other people. There is no need to compare your achievements with the successes of someone else, since this is the basis for the emergence of a feeling of envy.

It is advisable to direct all your thoughts in a positive direction, think about how, how you can achieve heights in your favorite business. A person who devotes himself entirely to his favorite pastime simply does not have time for envy.

Remember your own accomplishments

As soon as a person feels that he is beginning to get annoyed because of the success of another person, you need to immediately remember all your life achievements and make a list of them on paper. Then it will become obvious that among them there is something that others do not have and have never had.

You should look at the world more positively, enjoy even the smallest trifles and pleasant events. It is necessary to understand that each person has his own strengths and weaknesses, advantages and disadvantages. If something does not suit you in yourself, your appearance, character, abilities and skills, then this means that the time has come for self-improvement.

Look at the success of a person from the other side

Before feeling angry, resentful or even hatred towards the success of other people, it is worth considering the following. If a person is successful in one area, then this does not mean that there are no problems in all other areas of life. After all, people only see the tip of the iceberg. For example, movie and show business stars have fame, money, and many fans. But few people think that some of them are very lonely and cannot meet their other half. Someone has problems with parents, children or well-being.

If you think in this way about a person who causes envy, then soon thoughts about him can change dramatically. After all, he is not someone special. He is just like everyone else, with his own worries and problems that no one knows about.

Be mindful of everything

A person needs to show wisdom, being able to admit to himself that he is envious, and try to take some steps to combat this feeling. It is necessary to try to live your life the way it turns out, and let others live the way they want. After realizing this truth, peace will reign in the soul, and envy will fade away.

Do nice things and compliment other people

If you give a person who is a source of envy a small nice gift, help with something or just give a compliment, you can see that his mood will rise. After that, the realization will come that you can experience not only destructive emotions, but also positive ones. This method of getting rid of envy looks illogical, but it works and produces a very quick effect. If a friend tells a fascinating story in great detail, then instead of becoming jealous of his phenomenal ability to remember, you can compliment him on this occasion. You can say: “You have a great memory! And how can you memorize so much information at once?! »

In such a situation, everyone wins, as the feeling of envy is gone, and the friend received a pleasant compliment in his address. Even if the words were spoken insincerely, the result will only be positive.

Feel happy

Envy completely absorbs the thoughts of a person. Because of this destructive feeling, there is absolutely no time left for your favorite business, communication with family, parents, friends.

It is imperative to rethink all your values and set the right priorities. In the first place should be everything that a person already has. You need to feel happy and grateful for it. A positive attitude will lead to the fact that soon the cherished desire will come true, only pleasant surprises will occur, and there will simply be no time for anger and irritability.

Take care of your health

In medicine, the fact that feelings affect the physical has long been proven. Such negative emotions how anger, hatred, irritation, resentment have a detrimental effect no worse than viruses and bacteria. While a positive attitude can alleviate the condition for any ailment.

Every time a small sprout of envy or other unpleasant emotions arises in the soul, one should think about how expensive treatment in the hospital is now. In order to establish an accurate diagnosis, it is necessary to undergo many examinations, tests, which will take a lot of effort and nerve cells. It is better to spend these funds on holidays abroad with the whole family or in the company of good friends, but not on pills and injections.

To improve your health, it is advisable to give up bad habits and engage in sports activities. If you do not have enough time to go to the gym, then you can make it a habit to walk before going to bed. This will contribute to the production of the hormone of happiness in the body, which will cheer you up and prevent bad thoughts from poisoning a person’s life.

Learn the techniques of psychological self-regulation

Sometimes it happens that an attack of envy arises unexpectedly and completely captures the consciousness of a person. In this case, self-regulation methods should be used. You need to find a calm and quiet place where you can be alone and no one will interfere, close your eyes and relax.

It is necessary to remember and imagine the place where the person was especially good. It can be the sea coast, grandmother's house, forest glade, mountains, etc. You need to enjoy these memories and keep them in your imagination until you have a feeling of complete confidence that everything is in order in life and there will be such pleasant moments a lot more.

Hang out with positive people

To avoid the appearance of envy of someone else, it is necessary to stop communicating with people who are constantly interested in other people's affairs, always dissatisfied with something and spread gossip. We need to spend more time with those who treat everything with humor and positive, kind and cheerful people who are optimistic about the future. Such an atmosphere will contribute to the fact that there will be no desire to be categorical in relation to others.

How envy affects a person of a certain temperament

Envy can affect a person in different ways depending on his type of temperament:

temperament type	Effect on the body
	The envy of people of this type of temperament can be accompanied by open aggression and a desire to cause harm. This can cause vasospasm, tachycardia, nervous hypertension
sanguine	Cheerful representatives of this type of temperament rarely envy others. But if this happened, then it will suffer in the first place the cardiovascular system and immune system
melancholic	Unbalanced melancholics will not openly engage in battle and show their irritation. It is common for them to act on the sly. The appearance of hepatic colic, exacerbation of stomach ulcers and duodenum feeling of discomfort in the intestines
Phlegmatic person	Due to their strong type of temperament, phlegmatic people almost never experience black envy. In rare cases, this feeling can negatively affect the functioning of the organs of the gastrointestinal tract.

Ways to deal with someone else's envy

Sometimes situations arise when life is poisoned not by one's own, but by someone else's envy. In this case, you need to follow simple recommendations that will help protect you from evil ill-wishers.

No need to tell everyone about your achievements. Especially those people who have repeatedly demonstrated their irritation due to other people's successes.
In order to mitigate the negative feelings of the envious person, you can ask him for advice or help.
You should complain to an envious person about your problems and failures. Let him know that other people are not going smoothly in life.
In the event of a collision with a bright envious person, one should not conflict with him, as this will only aggravate the situation. It is better not to make contact with him or to retire a long distance.

If you let this unpleasant feeling into your life, then as a result you can acquire only negative emotions that destroy a person from the inside, contribute to the emergence of many problems and mistakes. It is necessary to get rid of envy in time and direct this energy to self-improvement or spending time together with loved ones.