Steps to overcome shyness. Timid sheep: what to do if you are very shy

You're shy? Does your heart tremble at the very thought of talking to a stranger? This is a common thing as shyness is a very common problem. As with any undesirable trait, shyness can be dealt with with the right approach.

Steps

Part 1

Determine the essence and reason for the desired changes. Are you worried about your lack of communication skills? Are you unable to hold superficial conversations, show feelings, often have awkward pauses in your speech, or other practical problems? You may have mastered your communication skills but want to forget about constant feeling embarrassment and doubt.

• Think about how much you want to change. Not everyone is given to become a socially active or sociable person. No need to waste your energy on comparisons with others. You don't have to feel like you have to be like everyone else. Such negative reinforcement will only confirm you in the thought that you are alone, not like everyone else or even worse than others.

1. Change your way of thinking. People who feel awkward in social situations often have strings of negative thoughts. "I look stupid", "No one talks to me" or "I will look like an idiot" - all these thoughts can spin in a vicious circle. As you yourself understand, such thoughts are negative and only increase your shyness and embarrassment.

   Focus your attention outward, not inward. This is one of the most important aspects of shyness and social anxiety. Most timid people do this unintentionally, but often start drawing attention to themselves during a conversation. As a result, a person is absorbed in himself and a vicious circle of thoughts begins again. The researchers concluded that this fact may be main reason panic attacks after moments of moderate anxiety.

   Watch how confident people build social relationships. Imitation is one of the highest manifestations of flattery. Of course, you don't need to repeat everything to the last detail, but keep an eye on sociable people to get useful ideas for different situations.

   Contact a specialist if you are unable to resolve the problem. In some situations, excessive shyness is a sign of social anxiety disorder. A person with this problem is so afraid of criticism and judgment from others that he does not have friends or a romantic partner.

   • The specialist will be able to diagnose social anxiety disorder will help you develop a healthier mindset and gain the confidence to stop avoiding people.

   Part 2

   How to communicate with strangers

   1. Walk forward willingly. Would you approach a person with a sour face or head down? Hardly. Our body language helps those around us make assumptions before we even start talking. Stop looking at your shoes, smile a little, and maintain eye contact.

      Show yourself. The best way meet new people - actively visit places where you can meet them. Go to an autumn dance evening at school or attend a New Year's corporate party. Try to meet at least one new person before the end of the evening. Attend a poetry club meeting and read the poems you wrote as a student.

      Practice communicating. It may seem strange, but stand in front of a mirror or just close your eyes. Imagine that you are talking to another person. Feeling prepared to talk in an unfamiliar environment can help reduce anxiety. Imagine that your conversations are dialogues from films. Imagine yourself as a social person who finds a common language with others. Then move on from rehearsal to action.

      Showcase your talents. Emphasizing your strengths will not only increase your self-confidence around other people, but will also make you seem more attractive or interesting to talk to. For example, if you love painting, then try painting the scenery for a play. It is easier for a person to show his best qualities if he does not experience discomfort. Seek to connect with people who share your passions and passions. Just do what you love and enjoy it to make new friends.

      Give sincere compliments. Nothing extraordinary is needed. Sometimes the most engaging conversations start with the phrase: "I like your shirt. May I ask if this is from the store (name)?" Compliments most naturally form a pleasant impression of you, because your words lifted the person's mood. Even better, you are guaranteed to smile as complimenting other people will make you feel good too.

      • If you know the person, call them by their first name when you compliment them. Be specific. Instead of saying, "You look great," it's better to say, "I love your new hairstyle. The shade matches your skin tone."
      • Aim to give 3-5 compliments a day to different people you meet on the street and during daily activities. Try not to compliment the same person twice. See how many conversations you can strike up, and how many times after the conversation you will feel better than before you met.

   2. Take small steps. Move forward in small, comfortable, discernible steps. Each time you will learn something new. Track your progress. Keep talking to strangers and strive to find common ground. Celebrate small victories, even if you just managed to get a few compliments or successfully deal with negative thoughts.

   • Try to take at least one step every week (or day). For example, if talking is easy for you, try having a long conversation every time you start talking to someone. One of effective ways- to ask questions.
   • Some people are uncomfortable visiting different places alone. Try going to the movies alone. Is it possible to be shy in the dark? The other people in line will see that you are confident enough to go to the movies without company. Fake confidence until you feel like it's real!
   • If you need help, be direct about it. If you remain silent, then anxiety accumulates, and the problem remains unresolved.
   • Talk to random people, even if you don't know each other. Be polite and soon you will have a reputation as a very sociable person!
   • Go in for sports. This is a great way to meet new people, shed the shell of shyness and show your worth.
   • It's always nice to chat with friends and other people, but sometimes it's okay to just sit and listen. This is the only benefit of being shy. You are able to listen and understand what is happening.
   • Watch your facial expressions. No need to frown and wince.

   Warnings

   • Striving to overcome shyness is a daunting task. Don't expect things to change overnight. Everything is arranged a little differently. Be patient and remember: "Moscow was not built at once."
   • Be yourself and don't let others put you down.

Remember how one day you walked into a room full of strangers and felt awkward and shy? Or remember that terrible pounding in your chest when you wanted to date someone, but were too shy to do so?

Or did you want to ask someone about the case, but again were embarrassed to do it? And that bad feeling in the lower abdomen in public places? Have you ever experienced a certain feeling that someone is always looking straight at your back?

Whether or not you are an introvert introvert- a person who focuses on his personal experiences, his inner world.) or an extrovert ( extrovert- a person who is oriented in his expressions to the outside world, to those around him.), at some moments of our life, we can all be affected feeling shy. There is a completely misconception that only introverts can experience shyness, but this is fundamentally wrong. Shyness for the most part refers to a feeling of awkwardness, inconvenience with oneself, and even more so among the people around.

This article is the result of a collaboration between extrovert Tina Su and introvert Amanda Linehan. Together we wanted to cast a ray of light on the subject of shyness from the perspective of these two extremes. We will also identify ways in which we ourselves, in most cases, overcome shyness.

The Three Components of Shyness. Excessive Awkwardness - You control yourself too much, especially in crowded places. Excessive Negative Self-Esteem - You tend to evaluate yourself negatively. Excessive Negative Self-Attention - You tend to pay excessive attention to the things you are doing wrong, especially around others. Does it look like you? When you feel inner shyness, can you choose one or several of the above components for your mood? We 100% can.

Why Do We Experience Shyness?

We all experience shyness to one degree or another. But, the main reason can be brought down to one of the following: Weak Self-expression is especially true for our life in school years. We mistakenly believed that our personal unique qualities were not interesting to anyone, not needed, not cool enough, or not worthy of being admired. We tried to be like others, and this led to the fact that we did not feel ourselves. Amanda: Looking back, I didn't know about my personality at all. All I knew was that other people seemed to me more interesting, cooler people than me. I have tried unsuccessfully to imitate them.

Tina: I considered myself cool, as I was always quite liberated, cheeky. And I worked very hard to support and maintain that image. Of course, it was a false image, but I tried very hard to keep it. This made me very stressed and tired. Even though others didn't see me as shy, I felt shy most of the time. It turns out that very lively children have a rather weak self-expression and they tend to imitate someone.

Self-admiration - if we are among the people around us, we become overly sensitive, as if we were put in the center of a circle of these people. This causes concern and forces us to question every next step we take. The focus of our attention is fixed directly on ourselves and even more so on what we are doing wrong. This can trigger a downward spiral.

Amanda: In addition to weak self-expression, I very often thought that I was doing almost everything wrong - wrong! And it was a vicious circle from which I could not get out. Now I understand that most people do not look at me as closely as I estimated myself. Tina: I was also overly sensitive about my actions around the people around me. My feelings were manifested in the way I spoke, laughed, walked, and so on. All my attention was focused on how not to screw up in front of others, and this annoyed me quite a lot. What I understand now is that all people are so preoccupied with their personal shortcomings that they hardly notice yours. Labeling - When we claim to be shy people, we psychologically feel compelled to live up to it. We can say to ourselves: “I am a shy person and this is true. Yes, I really am, and you can’t hide it. ” When we are our affirmation "stick label" on something, then the definition of this thing is taken for granted by us, and therefore it coincides with our expectations.

Amanda: Everyone knew me as a quiet and shy person, and this perception of her sometimes bothered me a lot. People expected me to behave in a certain way, which I actually did. And knowing that people around me thought I was shy, on top of my not wanting to be shy, only made me more anxious when I was around people. I really wanted to show a different side of myself, but it was easier to agree with what the others expected of me.

Tina: Deep down, I felt uncomfortable with my own shyness quite often, and yet, when I was around people, I had to live up to their expectations that I was not shy at all. I never let my shy side show, but I do feel shy. At such moments, I caught myself saying to myself: "I'm shy".

How to Overcome Shyness?

We both tried different variants fight shyness. With a greater understanding of the problem and with the help of practice, we both overcame it. Here are some tips that have helped us a lot.

1. Try to understand your shyness - be aware of your individual cause of shyness, and how it manifests itself in your life. Understand what situations cause this feeling? And what exactly is this condition connected with?

2. Turn Self-Consciousness into Self-Understanding - recognize the fact that the whole world is not looking at you. In addition, most people are very busy with themselves. Instead of evaluating yourself as if you are all other people, take your understanding inside yourself. Look for something in yourself that makes you shy, and become an outside observer of your own thoughts. Understanding yourself is the first and most important step to any change or improvement in life.

3. Find your strengths - each of us has our own unique and inimitable qualities and different ways of expressing ourselves. The main thing is to know and fully accept the things in which we excel, even if they deviate from the norm. If all people were the same, the world would be a very, very boring place. Find something you know how to do and love to do and focus on that. Conscious strength will increase your natural self-respect and your ego, helping you to better define yourself. This is a short-term measure, but it will give you confidence that you will be able to destroy the barrier of fear you have erected.

See how your unique and unique strength gives you a great advantage. For example, Amanda is usually a quiet person who prefers to spend time by herself. She realized that she is a better listener and sees things that others do not notice during a conversation. She also found that being alone gave her a better understanding of herself.

4. Learn to like yourself - train yourself to appreciate yourself and love your individual unique look, who you are in reality. Write a love letter to yourself. Do what pleases you. By this you express gratitude to yourself for your body and its work. Take the time to get to know yourself. Keep getting to know yourself.

5. Never imitate anyone - trying to look like "as everybody" very tiring and not particularly interesting. Understand that it's great to be different. Almost everyone feels insecure, uncomfortable and embarrassed. Admit that you are not considered one of the most popular high society celebrities, but you may not want this. Ultimately, popularity will not make you happy. But a great understanding of your unique, inimitable qualities will help you feel much freer.

6. Pay more attention to other people - Instead of focusing on your awkwardness in places where there are a lot of people, pay more attention to them and what they are talking about. Be interested in the people around you and remember what they say about themselves first. During the conversation, you can ask yourself the question: What do I like about this person?

Another effective and powerful technique is the simple muscle exercise of meditation. Lie down or sit down. Feel every cell of your body, every part, starting from the toes and moving up the body right to the top of the head. In each part of your body that is currently in the spotlight, tighten the muscles for 5-6 seconds, and then relax them. Keep doing this until you reach the top of your head. Don't forget about proper breathing.

9. - imagine yourself as a happy and confident person. In some situations, it helps shape your perception of yourself when you are actually in those situations. Close your eyes, sit somewhere and relax, turn on relaxation music, imagine yourself in the right place or in the right situation and see yourself the way you would like to see yourself. What do you feel? What do you hear? Do you smell any? How are you moving? What do you see? Remember all your fictional feelings, sensations, so that later you can make them real.

10. Confirmation of what has been said () - any word can carry powerful energy. What we repeatedly say to ourselves is subconsciously deposited and ingrained in us, and then acts accordingly. If we tell ourselves many times that we are too shy to do anything, then each time we will be more and more convinced of this. And that this "fact" support, our actions will always be in line with what we tell ourselves. In the same way, if we tell ourselves many times that we can be an interesting and confident person, then our powerful subconscious mind will make decisions corresponding to this new "fact". Since we are not capable of deceiving ourselves, positive visualization and affirmations will be helpful in personal improvement.

11. Pay attention to your shyness - if we do not change the situations in which we feel constrained, then this only reinforces our shyness in us. Instead, it would be better to understand the current situation. Turn awkward situation an occasion for personal growth and introspection. Become an outside observer and carefully understand yourself, answer yourself the following questions: “Why do I feel this way? What made me feel this? Are there any other explanations for what happened?

12. Be prepared to be rejected - accept that any of us can be denied something. Learn to deal with it and not take it too personally. Once and for all, remember that you are not the only one and that this happens to absolutely everyone. This is one part of life. What matters is how you deal with rejection. Here's what really helps to be mentally prepared before they happen:

You shouldn't take it personally. This is not your mistake. This is just an unfortunate set of circumstances. It just so happened that the development of events did not take place in your favor, and nothing more.

Learn valuable lessons - what did you understand from what happened? Useful valuable information can be found in absolutely any situation. And thanks to these lessons, awareness of life comes to you - to become much better, to become much stronger. Nothing is lost yet if you learn an invaluable lesson from this.

Move forward. Recognize that if you feel sorry for yourself, you can't get anywhere. Nothing changes from your self-pity. When you admit this, it immediately becomes clear that all your energy is being wasted. Gather up, discard everything unnecessary and move on to the next goal. Try, try, try. This will definitely work!

13. Don't fall into perfectionism - when we start evaluating ourselves, we have such a harmful tendency to compare ourselves to the most popular person in the room, or worse, to the celebrities we see on TV. We set excessive expectations for ourselves, unreasonably comparing ourselves with people who are completely different from us, and we are surprised - "Why can't I become like him/her?" We carry our own cultivation with us and expect that we are bound to get exactly the same results. And if we can’t fit into the desired framework, then we immediately get upset. As you can see, all the problems lie in our position, the point of view that we ourselves have created in our heads, but which does not correspond to reality. Refuse this wonderful picture, form an image that will become the essence of you; and let that image develop naturally.

14. Stop labeling yourself - stop telling yourself that you are a shy person. You are you. You are unique, unique and unrepeatable. And you are wonderful. Can you not continue further?

15. Practice Social Skills - Like all other skills, a social skill can only be developed through practice and experience. The more you put yourself in certain situations, the easier it will be next time. If you find it difficult to say what to say, you can think of what to say in advance.

16. Practice on uncomfortable situations - sometimes, this is not a social skill in which we feel uncomfortable and awkward, but rather a deficit in ourselves, in our strengths. Lack of faith that we are capable of succeeding and strong fear that we will fail. Special placement of yourself in an awkward situation will help you reduce your fear of similar situations. Moreover, if you test yourself and force yourself to endure, you will understand that, in the end, it is not so bad. In the beginning, it will most likely be difficult for you, but later you will find that you can enjoy and enjoy life.

17. Three questions to yourself - in those moments when you may feel nervous, periodically ask yourself the following three questions. By doing this, you will distract yourself from more destructive thoughts. Repeat them like a spell:
Am I moving with grace?
Am I relaxed?
I am breathing?

18. What is convenient for you? - going to clubs and bars is not for everyone, and this is very good. Understand what feelings, emotions are comfortable for you, and find people or communities that make you feel better. You don't have to do what "everyone does". In addition, these people are not always happy, as it seems to you.

19. Focus on the moment - focusing on what you are doing, no matter what you are doing, will take your attention away from yourself. When you communicate, forget about how you look, concentrate on the words, bathe in them, drown in them. Intonation. Expression. Rate it and it will help you.

20. Find and write down all your successes - as you overcome one of the worst complexes, which is called shyness, you will have many victories. You will get a clear understanding of the truth regardless of the opinions of others. You will look at yourself differently and become more confident in yourself. Once these positive changes begin to appear, keep a pen and paper handy to write them down. Keeping a diary of your progress will increase self-esteem and self-confidence.

how to stop being shy

It is better to start solving the problem with analysis. Therefore, do not be too lazy to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel embarrassed. Be extremely specific. Instead of “talking to people,” indicate which people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or people in power.

When you break down a problem into parts, it already seems more solvable.

Then try to arrange the recorded situations in order of increasing anxiety (most likely, calling a stranger causes less anxiety than speaking in front of an audience).

In the future, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome more and more difficult situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, respectively, will decrease.

2. Fix your strengths

Another list to help you fight shyness should be about your positive qualities. As a rule, the cause of shyness is in. Fight it mercilessly, reminding yourself of your own splendor (this is not a joke).

Try to find the flip side even of the shortcomings. It may be difficult for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should be used as well.

3. Decide on a goal

Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with life, but you need to explain to yourself what exactly it prevents you from doing. It is possible that the formulated goal will become an impetus for overcoming the old problem.

Even though I perform, write and host radio shows, I am an introvert at heart. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. It required me to get out of my shell and take the message to the world. I overcame my shyness by realizing that only I can ensure that my message is delivered correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make it easier for myself to speak in public and meet new people.

Eric Holtzclaw

4. Practice

Skills need to be honed, and those that interfere with life should be systematically eradicated. All this applies to sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.

• Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in the brain that runs in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go from the opposite and do the opposite of what you are used to. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Have you caught yourself thinking that in a conversation you are taking a position of deaf defense? Try asking the interviewee a few questions.
• Talk to strangers. Try to talk to one person at least once a day. a stranger(preferably with a random passer-by). You will most likely never see him again, so feel free to hone your communication skills on him.
• In general, communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, agree to speeches, say hello to those you often meet but never greet.
• Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party but are afraid to approach them? Practice on those present who cause less embarrassment. If we are talking about acquaintance, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the right person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
• And always prepare for public speaking. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with the audience. This will give you confidence.

5. Focus on others

The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you focus on the other person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.

6. Try new things

Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will positively affect your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation master classes. Such exercises help to liberate.

7. Watch your body language

Eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, as well as smiling and shaking hands firmly, inform those around you of your confidence and openness. Moreover, with these signals, you deceive your brain a little and really begin to feel more free.

8. Say “no” less often

A lot has been said about. But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed both in word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unreasonable fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say yes to the opportunities that life presents.

.

10. Don't advertise your shyness

Do not focus your attention and others on the fact that you have communication problems. This is how you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the belief that shyness is your permanent trait.

Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that this is an accident, talk about it lightly, and not as a serious problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, and not a reaction to stress. And never characterize yourself in front of strangers as a shy person. Let them make up personal opinion and notice other, more interesting features of yours.

Know other ways to stop being shy? Tell us about them in the comments.

We've all been shy at some point. There are no people who have never experienced problems with shyness. It's just that someone copes with it in childhood, and someone cannot cope even in adulthood.

Shyness is comparable in terms of danger to a person with narcissism. It should be moderate. A little modesty never hurt anyone, but it's important to stick to the sweet spot. Everything in a person must be balanced. This is the only way to become more successful in love, in business, in work. It is not necessary to become an absolute extrovert - it is enough just to open yourself a little to society or its individual representatives.

Cons of being shy

The disadvantages are obvious only in the case of very shy people, therefore these disadvantages are characteristic only of those who cannot control themselves and have the absolute form of this, so to speak, ailment.

Almost anyone can be blushed, but many people depend on shyness and cannot control themselves, because this feeling guides them.

Here are the main disadvantages of shyness and their consequences:

Negativity builds up in you. A shy person cannot say “stop” to anyone. Such men or women are very afraid of a negative reaction to their words or emotions, so these emotions accumulate inside, like a snowball - they grow and grow, increasing their volume and mass. This can lead to collapse, and it will be expressed differently in different people. Someone will commit a terrible act, someone will go inside himself. This is very, very dangerous - the consequences can be devastating for the psyche and health in general. A person can throw out his negativity on another person who is not connected with the source of problems.

You become a victim of the aggressors. It happens on the street, at work, at school, at university—everywhere. People who are aggressive towards others feel very well individuals with a fine mental organization. If you are bullied and treated with disdain, then this is an occasion to take care of yourself. That is why in childhood it is necessary to send a child-boy to sports so that he is more resistant to stress and knows how to fend for himself mentally, and not just physically. Fear and shyness are closely related feelings that are almost identical in terms of perception in the brain. When we are shy, we are scared, therefore, in order to eradicate shyness, it is customary to “knock it out”, like a wedge with a wedge.

You stop being yourself. A person who is constantly shy or afraid of something stops being creative and stays in tension, in a pinched position. You can't say what you want to say, you can't dress the way you want to. You are dependent on the opinions of others, because if you go against it, you will certainly have to experience the inconvenience of which you are already tired.

Your self-esteem drops. The level of pride and self-confidence is almost zero in people who are shy, because they constantly compare themselves with someone. This happens absolutely automatically. People around laugh, joke, they can talk about some things, but you cannot. It's really terrible because you're setting yourself up negatively. You begin to hate yourself, although the solution is always there.

You are sad, you are closed. You are constantly introspective when you are embarrassed by something or someone. Such people understand that they can become different, but this will attract even more attention, which they are very afraid of.

You are alone. The cause of all problems and their consequence is loneliness. Due to the lack of desire to meet the needs of other people, the chances of success in work and business drop sharply. There are no shy millionaires. If there are any, then they work on themselves and try to overcome constraint. Compensate for this disease can only be an incredible mindset and intellect.

Reasons for shyness

Before you get rid of shyness, you need to understand where it comes from.

congenital shyness. It is often passed down genetically. It happens that in a family with two active and cheerful parents a child is born full of fears and phobias. He is embarrassed by everything in the world, but this can be fixed if you put your hand to it in time. In no case can such children be blamed for what they are not to blame. You can’t scold them once again, blame them for something.

High demands of parents. When parents want too much from a child, then he closes in on himself, because he feels inferior. A father may want his son to show the best results in competitions, so he pours insults towards his child. From childhood, mothers tell girls only that she should be the most beautiful, the best. This does not leave a chance for the child to accept his shortcomings, but he cannot correct them either. There is a vicious circle. The result is chronic and deep self-doubt, shyness and all the ensuing consequences.

Wrong environment. No matter what anyone says, you need to choose the right friends. Often, the environment of a person becomes the cause of complexes and fears, which turn into shyness. Your friends should have similar interests, financial position, status. Otherwise, you can only earn complexes for yourself if you cannot treat yourself critically and sensibly.

How to stop being shy

Step one: accept yourself. Analyze the situation to see where your shyness came from. If its source is recent, then correct yourself. If you have been like this since childhood and could not improve in any way, then accept yourself as you are. There are no ideal people - there are only those who perceive themselves negatively and positively. Be better - be realistic. There are financiers and accountants who count only with a calculator, there are ideal female models. Anyone can become anyone. Limitations are only in your head.

Step two: imagine yourself without complexes. Draw your image and come up with some life situations in my head. Imagine yourself coping with difficulties and doing things that you are embarrassed to do. This is called mental training, which works no worse than real learning, because our brain does not understand where is reality and where is fiction.

Step Three: Learn to Treat Yourself with Humor. Well, yes, you are small in stature, so what? You wear glasses, but it doesn't matter. There are no such minuses that could not be perceived as pluses. The whole problem is how you perceive yourself.

Step Four: Watch People Who Are Confident. Leading by example is always helpful. It will be even better if you talk to someone about this topic. It is better that this person is as close as possible to you.

Step five: exercise. Physical exercise purifies a person, depriving him of the opportunity to think negatively. This will allow you to increase your self-confidence. A healthy mind in a healthy body, but these are not just words, because the truth is hidden behind this statement.

Step six: get rid of bad habits . Overeating, sugar addiction, smoking and alcohol are the worst enemies of happiness. They make you weaker psychologically. If you get rid of any addiction, it will give you a reason to consider yourself a strong person. In this case, self-confidence is acquired very quickly, and fears and shyness go away.

Step Seven: Do What You're Afraid of. If you are embarrassed to meet people, then set a goal to meet one person a day. The purpose of acquaintance does not matter - the fact itself is important. No need to talk to a person for 10 minutes. Just get acquainted. Tell him or her honestly that in this way you are struggling with an ailment, with a problem. Honesty and openness is another helper in the fight against isolation and shyness.

Several billion people live in the world. Everyone has their own weaknesses, everyone can be shy in some situations. Everything is good in moderation. If you are shy, it shows your good heart, but kindness does not help in the fight against evil. You will be humiliated until you fight back. Don't let people manipulate you. Good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and

On the futility of shyness

Shyness is one of those qualities that cannot be attached to anything positive. A person has a lot of negative traits, but many of them, despite the obvious harm they cause, can sometimes be used to their advantage. For example, rage can add strength to the realization of something, fear in many situations helps to survive. Of course, the benefits of such qualities are much less than the troubles that befall us thanks to them, but nonetheless.

Shyness, whatever one may say, is almost always useless. Unless in dealing with those who, due to their unreasonableness, perceive shyness as politeness and a sign of a sense of tact, it can bring a handful of pluses. For the rest, perhaps be shy of people as ashamed as not hesitate his shyness. Therefore, it is worth working on yourself and stop feel insecure when interacting with people.

Discomfort in the presence of people in certain circumstances, it is inherent in very many. Even those whom you consider to be brisk punchy guys, in some situations, may experience shyness in front of a person. For example, in an interview, if workplace desirable, and the potential boss commands respect.

What motivates us hesitate? Why are we sometimes unable to stop staring at the floor and muttering nonsense? Behind shyness is the fear of being in an awkward position, of being ridiculed, of becoming a person labeled as a stupid, weak being. On the one hand, such a fear helps in life. We strive to look good, we are equal to the successful (in our understanding) part of society, we are developing. Of course, we do this, driven by different motivations, but shyness also plays a significant role here.

However, succumbing to shyness, we lose the chance for a fulfilling life, we give the reins of our existence into the wrong hands. Instead of enjoying reality, we pay attention to trifles. shy of people can be compared with those who burn their lives in anticipation of a pension, counting on benefits from the state. While their colleagues, who have chosen a more financial path, go ahead without regard for future crumbs, these people go to low-paid, but socially secure (sometimes a little) work. So are the victims of shyness - they are afraid to go beyond comfort in the expectation that they will lose their peace of mind. Not realizing that they, balance, just do not smell.

Dealing with shyness

The way to stop being shy, consists of several steps. The degree of shyness is different for everyone, therefore, efforts to overcome the insidious feeling in different of people are different. Steps do not have to be in a strict sequence. Moreover, some of the steps specifically for you may be insignificant. Well, for some, you may have to pay extra.

Cause Analysis

With the search for reasons, the struggle with any problems begins. Shyness is no exception. Try to identify where shyness comes from in front of people like you. Perhaps the point is in appearance - you are ashamed of yourself and are afraid to once again draw attention to your shortcomings. Maybe you are afraid of hurting a person by saying the wrong word. The reason may lie in a banal, but deeply hidden, disguised as shyness, fear of running into trouble. In any case, the roots of shyness grow from childhood, so it is very important stop spare time and mentally return to the past. Perhaps, on the way to that period, you will stumble over a significant event that influenced no less than childhood experiences.

Be courageous

It seems to you that shyness is the desire to avoid an uncomfortable external situation. Being embarrassed to approach the girl, the guy thereby avoids the potential opportunity to run into rejection, rudeness, indifference or laughter. So, there is no risk of being in unpleasant circumstances. In fact, we back down or do not even take a step forward due to fear of experiencing certain unpleasant emotions. See the difference?

In fact, it is not the external manifestations of shyness that scare us. Learn to perceive shyness correctly - as a phenomenon of your inner world what that feeling is. Let's explain with an example. All of us daily face the need to perform unpleasant actions: physical and mental. In many cases, when we are forced by circumstances, we do not run away from the inevitable, but take it and do it or agree to accept fate, even if it sounds pathetic.

Getting up on an alarm clock, we accept the need to go to work. At the appointment with the doctor, who brought over us a huge, as it seems to us, syringe, we do not sparkle with our heels, running out of the office. No, no matter how unpleasant it may be for us, we endure, realizing the need for what is happening. Think about it, in these situations we endure not circumstances, but painful feelings, emotions.

The same is true with shyness. Imagine that you need to be patient a little - like in a clinic, like in a gym, like at an exam ... It's time stop isolate shyness and other feelings from reality. Correlate shyness with other aspects of your own life. Then stop being shy it will be much easier! Judge for yourself: there can be thousands of situations in which you feel awkward. It is incredibly difficult to adapt to everyone. But the emotional component is only one. If you can start treating shyness in this way, you will soon become a confident person.
Make it a rule to be courageous, willing to endure shyness for at least twenty seconds. This is quite a bit, anyone can withstand a third of a minute - the main thing is to join the battle. Ignore the shy inner voice and do what you see fit for this brief period. Soon the twenty-second phase will increase significantly, and over time it will become “rubber”.

Raise self-esteem

Unpleasant reactions expressed in need be shy of people, ultimately arise due to inadequate perception of oneself. Dissatisfaction with oneself is projected onto the expected reaction of others . So that stop shy, you need to start looking at yourself with different eyes.

For example, addressing a person with excessive tact, you thereby put him above yourself. In addition, excessive courtesy, mixed with shyness, turns others away from you. In particular, one should stop handling the “entrance”: “Excuse me generously, could you please, if you, of course, do not mind, forgive me again?” Understand that you are surrounded by people like you who have something to learn from you. No, you should not, of course, run across to the opposite pole and become straight, like a pillar. No need to be like Lieutenant Rzhevsky, who hesitate didn't know how and didn't like it. Need to strive for balance of people equal to themselves.

This will help you understand your strengths. Write, just count - as you like - your own merits. Think about what they can grow into with the proper approach - this will make the pluses even more weighty. Remind yourself often of them, faith feeds on repetition. Yes, repetition is the mother of not only learning but confidence. To drive into the head what should be in it by default, but, alas, is often missing, is best with the help of affirmations.

Set aside time each day to mantra by repeating positive phrases about your strengths. You may feel uncomfortable at first (and you are used to hesitate of people), but do not pay attention - after a while the "spells" will work. It is important to understand that this is not school cramming, you need to engage in self-hypnosis, straining that scanty semblance of self-confidence that everyone has.

Art Therapy for Shyness

This psychotherapeutic direction helps a lot. stop shy in the presence of people. He has many manifestations, but if you are shy, we recommend that you engage in theatrical activities (there are mugs everywhere). She combines the art, which is recognized by psychologists as a good healer of many disorders, and the ability to be a public person to a certain extent. The scene is very good knocks out shyness, hesitate society after such a shake-up will not be comme il faut.

Focus on the business

To stop"fear" of people, it is worth forgetting about them in a sense. And for this you need to fill your head with other things: work, hobbies ... Focus on useful things.

Be simple

Setting goals and expecting a guaranteed result from yourself are somewhat different things. The first is good, the second leads to various disorders and the development of unpleasant qualities, including shyness, if we are talking about social perfectionism. Having set the bar too high, at the slightest heel you will suffer from shyness - after all, in your opinion, you did not meet the expectations: not only your own, but also, in your opinion, others. Be simple. Live with purpose, but don't wear yourself out depending on the opinions of strangers. It's time stop make things difficult for yourself, right?