No own opinion. “I don’t have my own opinion about anything Why don’t I have my own opinion

many things, including the ability to take responsibility for what happens in life, to defend their point of view in disputes, without fear of self-confident people, the child learns in the family. Unfortunately, unwittingly, parents and closest family members often contribute to the fact that the child grows up to be a timid and shy person who feels weaker and more stupid than others. They are overly worried about the child, they want to protect him from dangers and teach him order, not at all embarrassed in their statements.

In families where parents they are not accustomed to take into account the opinion of the child and did not give him the opportunity to speak out with the words: “You are still too young to participate in the conversation of adults”, there is no understanding and support between parents and children. Meanwhile, in order for a child to grow up as a self-confident person, it is necessary from an early age to teach him to defend his opinion and his rights, to show him an example of how to fight for the fulfillment of his desires in our sometimes cruel world. Many parents manage to give birth and raise a physically healthy child, but only a few can be proud that they managed to raise a persistent and purposeful person who is confident in his abilities, who knows how to express his opinion aloud, responds correctly to criticism and does not allow others to manipulate him.

To child managed to defend his opinion, it is necessary to hone the art of communicating with him from the earliest. And it includes a clear realization that your baby has his own needs and his own opinion. The extent to which these requests and opinions are respected and significant in the family determines how great the chances of the child to become successful person in future. It is also important how you point out the child's mistakes. For example, the baby decided to help his mother wash the floor, but he still does not know how to wipe the surface dry.

Mama can react to it differently. He can say: "Give me a rag, it's better for me, I also have an assistant!" or squeeze the rag yourself and give it to the baby with the words: "If you squeeze the rag like this, then after washing the floor will not be wet and slippery." The second phrase does not contain derogatory criticism and allows the child to correct the situation himself, and after the first the child will understand only one thing - that he is good for nothing. The child himself understands that it would be better to wipe the floor, but does not yet know how this can be done. The task of parents is to support the desire of the child and indicate the correct path of behavior.

For raising a child It is very important for a successful person to establish a trusting relationship with him from an early age. This means that parents should not only advise and point out to the child, but also explain to him in detail, answering his questions and pushing him to choose the right decision. Here are a few rules of communication with the child, which contribute to the development of self-confidence in the child. As you know, it is this character trait that allows the child to actively communicate with peers, make friends with them and defend their opinion.

1. Listen carefully to the child without distracting or interrupting him. Often parents do not attach importance to children's chatter, skipping the child's story "by the ears" and abstractly thinking about their problems. This leads to the fact that the child eventually closes in on himself and becomes taciturn. Always try to show your child that you are listening and understanding. To do this, demonstrate to him with gestures and words that his story is very interesting to you. For example, carefully look into his eyes and, shaking your head, say "yes" or ask "what's next?".

If a child does not express his feelings in any way during the story, help him with the words: "If I were there, I would be happy about it" or "I would be scared in that case." After listening to the story to the end, be sure to comment on it to prove to the child that all his words were heard and understood by you. To do this, briefly retell the main event from the child's story and say: "I liked your story, it deserves respect."

2. Learn to feel your child in body language. When communicating with adults, children often try to "exaggerate" everything, successfully hiding their real ones. For example, grief, annoyance and resentment. Learn to understand your child "in body language". Sadness in the eyes, a trembling chin, an unnatural smile will help you understand how sincere your child is. At the same time, you don’t need to ask the child to tell you the whole truth, just tell him: “I see that when you tell you about this it’s completely sad, something must have upset you.”

3. Support and encourage your child. While communicating with the child, support the child with a smile, a nod of the head, a look and touches to the hand. But it is not necessary to laugh out loud at his story, to pat him on the head or back. These gestures can be seen as disdainful. When answering a child's questions, choose the right tone. It is impossible at the same time to joke about his words or "lisp", teasing him. The child will perceive all this as a negative assessment of his actions and will not tell you anything further. When talking to your child, use affirmative phrases to keep the conversation going, such as: "That's great!", "Wow, how did you know that!", "Oh, really!" etc.

Just feeling respect and support from parents, the child will gain his own opinion in the family and learn to defend it when communicating with peers.

We are satisfied with life when we are loved and waited by loved ones and significant people. This dependence can be taken for granted and "do not scratch where it does not itch." And what to do if it does not give rest public opinion? Know yourself and make sure you are worthy of love and respect.

It would seem, what difference does it make to us, who will think about how beautiful we are, what we are wearing, what we said or did? The famous once said: “I don’t care what you think of me, because I don’t think about you at all.” The same opinion is shared by our contemporary American actress Cameron Diaz, who said that she does not care about the opinions of others, and she will live her life the way she wants, and not someone else.

People who are independent of other people's opinions can be envied, but they are in the minority. Most need the approval of others, sometimes even those who are unsympathetic to them. For some, such addiction generally becomes so painful that they need the services of a psychotherapist. In particular, actress Megan Fox, known for her phobias, has mental problems. Although, according to her, she often manages to ignore the streams of lies spread about her by tabloid publications, nevertheless, she once said: “... Believe me, I care what people think about me, ... because I'm not a robot ".

Impressive people with a vulnerable psyche, and especially young ones, are too dependent on the opinions of others. Perhaps it will be easier for them when they learn about the 18-40-60 rule of the American psychologist Daniel Amen, the author of many bestsellers, among which is “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life!”. He assures his patients, suffering from complexes, insecure and overly dependent on the opinions of other people: “At 18, you care about what others think about you, at 40 you don’t give a damn about it, and at 60 you understand that others about you don't think at all."

Where does this dependence on other people's opinions come from, the desire to please and earn words of approval, sometimes even from strangers?

Of course, there is nothing wrong with charming the interlocutor, making a favorable impression on him, no. After all, as they say, "a kind word is pleasant for a cat."

We are talking about something else: about cases when, in an effort to please a person, he says not what he thinks, but what others would like to hear from him; dresses not in the way that is convenient for him, but in the way that friends or parents impose on him. Gradually, without noticing how, these people lose their individuality and stop living their own lives. How many destinies did not take place due to the fact that the opinions of others were put above their own!

Such problems have always existed - as long as humanity has existed. Another Chinese philosopher who lived BC. e., remarked: "Worry about what other people think of you, and you will forever remain their prisoner."

Psychologists say that dependence on someone else's opinion is characteristic primarily of people with low self-esteem. Why people do not value themselves is another question. They may have been bullied by authoritarian or perfectionist parents. Or maybe they lost faith in themselves and their abilities because of the failures that followed one after another. As a result, they begin to consider their opinions and feelings as not worthy of someone else's attention. Worried that they will not be respected, taken seriously, out of love and rejected, they try to be “like everyone else” or be like those who, in their opinion, enjoy authority. Before they do anything, they ask themselves the question: “What will people think?”.

By the way, the well-known work by A. Griboyedov “Woe from Wit”, written back in the 19th century, ends with the words of Famusov, who is not worried about the conflict that occurred in his house, but “What will Princess Marya Alekseevna say?”. In this work, the Famus society with its sanctimonious morality is opposed by Chatsky, a self-sufficient person with his own opinion.

Let's face it: depending on the opinions of others is bad, because people who do not have their own point of view are treated with condescension, they are not considered and respected. And, feeling this, they suffer even more. In fact, they cannot be happy because they are constantly in a state of internal conflict. They are haunted by a sense of dissatisfaction with themselves, and their mental anguish repels people who prefer to communicate with those who are confident in themselves.

True, there is another extreme: one's opinion, desires and feelings are put above all else. Such people live by the principle: "There are two opinions - mine and the wrong one." But that, as they say, is "an entirely different story."

Is it possible to learn not to depend on the opinions of others?

As the secretary Verochka from the film “Office Romance” said, if you wish, “you can also teach a hare to smoke.” But seriously, people underestimate their capabilities: they can do a lot, including

1. Change yourself, that is, learn to be yourself

And for this, first of all, a strong desire is needed. Writer Ray Bradbury said to people, "You can get whatever you want, as long as you really want it."

To change yourself means to change the way you think. The one who changes his thinking will be able to change his life (unless, of course, it suits him). After all, everything that we have in life is the result of our thoughts, decisions, behavior in different situations. When making a choice, it is worth considering what is paramount for us - our own life or the illusions of other people.

Known for his bright individuality, the artist said that he developed the habit of being different from everyone else and behaving differently than other mortals, he developed in his childhood;

2. Control yourself

Having your own opinion does not mean not listening to someone else's. Someone may have more experience or be more competent in some matters. When making a decision, it is important to understand what it is dictated by: your own needs or the desire to keep up with others, the fear of not being a black sheep.

There are many examples when we make a choice, thinking that it is ours, but in fact, friends, parents, colleagues have already decided everything for us. Marriage is forced on a young man, because “it’s necessary” and “it’s time”, because all friends already have children. A 25-year-old girl who studies in the city is asked by her mother to bring at least some young man, passing off as her husband, because mother is ashamed in front of her neighbors that her daughter is not yet married. People buy things they don't need, arrange expensive weddings, just to meet other people's expectations.

When making a choice and making a decision, it is worth asking ourselves how it corresponds to our desires. Otherwise, it is easy to let yourself be led astray from your own life path;

3. Love yourself

Ideal is a relative concept. What serves as an ideal for one may not be of any interest to another. Therefore, no matter how hard we try, there will still be a person who will condemn us. How many people, so many opinions - it is impossible to please everyone. Yes, and I am “not a chervonets to please everyone,” said some literary hero.

So why waste your mental strength on a useless activity? Wouldn't it be better to look at ourselves in order to finally realize how unique we are and worthy of our own love and respect! This is not about selfish narcissism, but about love for your body and your soul as a whole.

A person who does not love his house does not put it in order and does not decorate it. The one who does not love himself does not care about his development and becomes uninteresting, therefore he does not have own opinion and passes off someone else's as his own;

4. Stop thinking

Many of us exaggerate our importance in the lives of those around us. A married colleague had an affair with an employee. Nobody was interested in this fact enough to discuss it for more than a few minutes. But it seemed to the employee that everyone was talking about him. And indeed, with all his appearance, he did not let people forget about it: he blushed, turned pale, stuttered, and eventually quit, unable to withstand, as he believed, behind-the-scenes conversations. In reality, no one was interested in his fate, because each person is primarily concerned with his own problems.

All people are primarily concerned with themselves, and even if someone puts on socks different color, a sweater inside out, will dye his hair pink, he will not be able to surprise them or attract their attention to himself. Therefore, you should not depend on the opinions of others, to whom we are often completely indifferent;

5. Learn to ignore someone else's opinion if it is not constructive

Only those who are nothing are not criticized. The American writer Elbert Hubbrad said that if you are afraid of being criticized, then "do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." And we don't want to be nobody. This means that we accept constructive criticism and do not pay attention to the one with which we do not agree, not allowing it to determine our life. The famous, addressing the graduates of Stanford University, admonished them: "Your time is limited, do not waste it living someone else's life."

Other people's successes and popularity often cause envy among people who crave them, but who lack the intelligence, abilities, self-discipline to win them. Such people are called haters, and they live on the Internet. They express their “hateful” opinion in the comments, trying to break and force to “leave” those who, in their opinion, have undeservedly gained fame. And sometimes they succeed.

Those who love to criticize, wrote Oscar Wilde, are those who are not able to create something themselves. Therefore, they are worthy of regret, and they should be treated with a share of irony and humor. As one friend says, their opinion will not affect my bank account in any way.

As a child, I was often forbidden to express my opinion, they said: “When they ask, then you will answer.” I learned that I can't do anything, and now I often answer: "I don't know" or "Decide for yourself." I cannot give advice to others, but the main thing is that I myself do not know what I want. I'm used to being offered several options, emphasizing which one is correct. My parents thought it would be better for me. I always waited for clues from others, and for the same reason I preferred to cheat at school - a neighbor knows better. Now parents continue to ask what I want, what I strive for. But I do not know the answers, and there is nowhere to peep.

Julia, 19 years old

Julia, this often happens: first, parents impose their own opinion on the child, and then they wonder why he cannot show independence when faced with important decisions.

Now you continue to follow the pattern of behavior learned in childhood, but it is in your power to abandon it. This is not easy and takes time. The danger is that a child who is used to relying on the opinion of his parents, growing up, shifts responsibility to a partner. Choosing this scenario, you may never know what you want exactly.

You are only 19, and you noticed in time your tendency to rely on the opinions of others. Now it is important to choose a profession. Even if your parents used to make all the decisions, you probably noticed that you liked some activities more than others. Learn to listen to your own desires and use them as a guide.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Sometimes it's impossible to judge if a chosen direction is right for you until you try it. Keep track of situations in which you are waiting for clues, and force yourself to make a conscious decision even in minor situations: tea or coffee, with or without sugar. You will soon notice that it has become easier to solve the most serious issues.