A young girl came to the tractor drivers. Horror stories

I'll tell you real story, which I witnessed 6 years ago. I was 17 years old then. I’m still not sure that any supernatural forces are involved in this, because I’m very skeptical about them. But still, the story left an indelible impression on me.

I have a grandmother and grandfather whom I visited every summer when I was a schoolboy. My grandfather had an old non-working Ural motorcycle, and I had long wanted to repair it in order to ride the village girls on it for further pleasant pastime. And since I had almost no knowledge of the mechanics of motorcycles, I decided to turn for help to tractor driver Uncle Tolya, who worked on a local collective farm and loved to tinker with all sorts of equipment. Uncle Tolya was an ordinary village man, he was 35-40 years old, he liked to drink, and he had an unprepossessing appearance. He was not married, had no partner, lived alone and did not court a single woman. In the village, the men kept teasing him that he would remain an “old maid” for the rest of his life, but he just laughed it off.

At the beginning of the weekend I went to Uncle Tolya and said, help me, repair my grandfather’s motorcycle, I won’t be in debt. He says - no problem, bring your junk tomorrow morning, I’ll see what can be done. Rejoiced, I went home.

The next day, at about 9 am, my neighbor and friend barely dragged the motorcycle to Uncle Tolya’s house. I knocked on the gate, began to whistle so that he could hear and went out. He stood there for about five minutes, making noise - Uncle Tolya didn’t come out. Then I also thought - it’s strange that his dog doesn’t bark, usually barks at half the village. Another five minutes passed, and I was glad to hear the sound of shuffling feet and the sight of the door slowly opening. But imagine my surprise when, instead of the familiar face of Uncle Tolya, I saw a young girl (she looked 22-23 years old). She was beautiful. Blue-eyed, with fiery red hair, with an absolutely pure white face. I have never seen such beautiful facial features in my life and probably never will. No model or actress can compare with her beauty, I think so. To say that I was very embarrassed and my tongue began to slur is an understatement. I turned and looked at my friend standing by the road holding a motorcycle. He also looked at the girl with all his eyes. And when I stood next to her and looked at her, I instantly became very excited. It wasn’t even the usual excitement when you are attracted to a girl, but some very strange feeling - in general, I can’t clearly explain.

The girl was dressed in White dress, and the shoes were white. I was then surprised that her clothes were somehow strange, out of date or something (I can’t explain it exactly, I’m not a fashion designer). I've never seen girls dress like that.

Confused by her appearance, I say, call Uncle Tolya, we agreed with him yesterday about repairing the motorcycle. And she looks back at me without any emotion and is silent. I again asked her to call Tolya and asked what her name was and who she was related to Uncle Tolya. And she continued to watch, did not utter a single word. This awkward silence lasted perhaps half a minute. And then she, without saying anything, slowly closed the door.

I, dumbfounded by such a “conversation,” stood and waited for about ten minutes, thinking that Uncle Tolya would come out soon. Then he whistled loudly again and called, but no one else came out. Well, they couldn’t drag the motorcycle back - they left it at the gate of the house.

In the afternoon I went to Uncle Tolya again with the hope of seeing him and talking about repairs. Luckily, I found him in front of the house, rummaging through the insides of my motorcycle. The girl in white kept hovering around Uncle Tolya, constantly whispering something in his ear, smiling. The sight of her made me feel hot and cold again. Seeing me, she walked into the house with the same bewitching smile.

I approached Uncle Tolya and asked how the work was going. He turned towards me and said that everything was fine and that he would fix everything soon. However, he looked strange, as if he hadn’t gotten enough sleep, his eyes were blurry. In the meantime, I asked who was visiting him here, what kind of cute girl he was. I hoped that this was some kind of relative of Uncle Tolya, and he would introduce me to her. And he was very surprised when Uncle Tolya clearly said that this was his wife. Yes, he never had a wife! He lived in the village all his life and was single.

Then some other people saw that some strange girl was walking in Uncle Tolya’s yard. Gossip spread throughout the village about how Tolya could have gotten such a beauty, and even, according to him, a wife.

The next day I went to see Uncle Tolya again. I knock and scream, but he doesn’t come out. The gate was not locked, so I entered the yard and decided to go to his house. Of course, I wanted to see that girl again. While walking, I noticed that the dog did not leave the kennel at all and lay there silently. I came home, and Uncle Tolya was lying on the bed, covered with a blanket, and trembling. I ask what happened. He fell ill, he said, with severe chills. I say: “Now I’ll call my neighbor, Aunt Nadya.” She worked as a general practitioner in the regional center. I went to get her, she came, examined him, gave him some pills to take.

I thanked the tractor driver for fixing the motorcycle and asked where his young wife is, why isn’t she looking after the sick man?.. And he looks at me with surprised eyes and says: “What other wife? Now you're teasing me about my life? And what kind of motorcycle? Did you bring it to me?”

I was stunned by this turn of events. I say, you idiot, yesterday you fixed my motorcycle, there it is in your yard, it even starts, and a young girl in a white dress walked nearby. Uncle Tolya tells me: “Nothing like that. The day before yesterday I drank with the men in the evening, came home drunk in the rubble and fell asleep. I slept for a day! I just woke up this morning with terrible chills.” Then I completely went nuts and thought that the poor tractor driver had gone crazy.

Then Aunt Nadya and I left the house. She said that it would be necessary to feed Uncle Tolya’s animals, since he was very sick and would not be able to do it himself. Opening the barn, we saw a terrible picture: a cow, four pigs and chickens - all were dead! Animals and birds lay motionless. And the dog in the kennel, it turns out, was also dead...

And to this day, they say, Uncle Tolya thinks that they are teasing him about that story with his girl-wife, that there was no story. Doesn't trust anyone. And those people who saw the girl, including me, still don’t understand anything.

The chairman of the collective farm walks around the property and sees that the tractor driver has a cow behind the barn. He comes up and says:
- What are you doing, Petrovich?! You have a wife and children at home!
- Fear God, Kondratyich, DO CHILDREN HAVE TO DO HERE?!

The Japanese came up with a water temperature of 3000 degrees. Well, we didn’t want to try it ourselves, so we decided to go to Russia. They arrive at some field, stop the tractor driver and tell him:
- Man, do you want to drink for free?
The man agreed, drank a glass, got into the tractor and drove on. Then the Japanese see that every 10 minutes a man falls out of the tractor and rolls on the ground. They approached the man and asked:
- What's bad vodka?
- It’s not good vodka, but when I burp, my sweatshirt catches fire.

Two brothers. One was a policeman during the war, the other was a famous partisan, a Hero Soviet Union. After the war, the one who was a policeman served his time, returned, started working and his career began to rapidly grow. And the one who was a partisan, just like he was a tractor driver, remained so. And so, the tractor driver asks his careerist brother:
- Listen, how can this be? You were in prison, and yet you are growing up! And I? A well-known partisan, but things are getting worse and worse.
- So it’s written in my profile: “Brother.” Famous partisan. Hero of the Soviet Union." And you?"

The car got stuck in mud up to its ears. And luckily there’s a tractor nearby. The tractor driver pulled it out and said to the driver:
- That's a thousand.
- It's a bit expensive, though.
- Do you know how much it costs to keep this ditch in order?

A drunk tractor driver carrying a bucket of oil always falls oil side down.

An American journalist arrived in a Siberian village. They placed him with a local tractor driver, a guy with excellent ingenuity, and gave him the task of presenting village life to an American as best as possible. Well, a day passes, this tractor driver comes with a report and says:
- That's it, the American left, listened to my stories yesterday, wrote something in a notebook and left.
- How did you get out?! Why?! He wanted to live for a week!
- I don’t know... I fed him properly in the evening, he said, “I want to see everything, take pictures of everything!” Well, I give him felt boots and a sheepskin coat and say, “No problem! Let's go, I'll show you everything. Take two shovels!” Well, he silently took it and, looking at them, stood rooted to the spot! I pat him on the shoulder and ask “Why are you up?!” Even when I leave the hut to take a piss, I take them with me!” He made eyes worth five rubles and asks “Why?!” Well, I answer him: “I throw away the snow with one, and brush away the bears with the second.” So in the morning he left, it was just dawn...

The answer is always hidden in the question itself. For example: “What would I like to do as a tractor driver?”

The caterpillar tractor caught the 600th gelding while turning. HP gets out of the gelding in a rage, jumps onto the tractor caterpillar, jerks open the door, and there the tractor driver sits, barely fits in the cab, he’s a big deal, wow... Tractor driver:
- What did you want?
NR (stunned):
- I... I... This…. I wanted to ask for the key on 19...
Tractor driver:
- I wrap up to 42 with my hands!!!

Today, an armed gang from neighboring China attacked a peaceful Soviet tractor. Tractor drivers are defending.
The next day:
- The day before yesterday, an armed Chinese gang attacked a peaceful Soviet tractor. Tractor drivers are defending near Beijing...

Collection of the most funny jokes about the tractor and tractor drivers.
Read the latest jokes, rate them, share with friends on social networks.

Every crawler tractor dreams of becoming a tank.

Two tractor drivers have lunch in the field during hard harvest work. Potatoes, cucumbers, etc. One reads articles in a newspaper spread out as a tablecloth:
- Listen, Mikhalych, what they write... Over 25 years of sexual life, a woman’s vagina wears out by only one ten-thousandth of a millimeter!
- Yeah... I wish we had bearings like these!

A drunk tractor driver cleared the road in the village... Well, you can also drive on a dirt road, although the asphalt would have stood for many more years.

A drunk tractor driver carrying a bucket of oil always falls oil side down.

The caterpillar tractor caught the 600th Merina while turning. A new Russian gets out of the Merina in a rage, jumps onto the track of the tractor, jerks open the door, and there the tractor driver sits - he barely fits in the cab. Ambal, in a word. Tractor driver:
- What did you want?
New Russian (stunned):
- I... this... wanted to ask for the key to 19.
Tractor driver:
- I wrap it up to 42 with my hands.

Tractor driver Fedor, having fallen asleep at the wheel, accidentally became a participant in the presidential program for the demolition of dilapidated housing.

One day, tractor driver Sidorov tried not to drink for a week and began to remember that 10 years ago he came to this village just to fish...

At a state farm pig farm, a young tractor driver awkwardly backed up a hefty trailer with manure and fell on its side.
The boy is running around, fussing.
The livestock specialist tells him:
- Why the hell are you worried here, let’s take a break from this matter, let’s think about how and what...
“There’s no time,” says the tractor driver, “Semenych will swear.”
“Come on, let’s light a cigarette,” the livestock specialist hands him a pack.
We lit a cigarette.
- Such things... Now you'll be here for half a day... We need to go eat, otherwise you'll be left without lunch with this shit.
“I can’t, I have to hurry, otherwise Semenych will get angry,” the boy shrinks.
Okay, let's go and have a big bite. The livestock technician takes out a bottle of alcohol.
- Well, let's *knock a little...
- Yes, I can’t, Semenych finds out, he’ll go broke.
- This is bullshit, don’t piss, you’ll have time to do everything.
They poured a small glass and drank it.
- Now it would be nice to make things worse with beer...
- Yes, I’d better go, otherwise, I’m afraid Semenych will get very angry.
- Where is this Semenych of yours? - the livestock specialist is surprised.
- And he stayed there, he was buried under the trailer.

Two tractor drivers finished plowing, bought some port wine and sat down on a hillock. We drank. Spring, sunshine, warm breeze blowing. They felt good. So one says to the other:
- Listen, Ivan, port wine costs twenty-seven rubles, but its aroma is just like thirty-two rubles!

The tractor rushed across the field, smelling slightly...

Send us five wrappers from the cardan shaft of the Belarus tractor and you will get a chance to win a romantic trip for two to the potato beds of Polesie.

Tractor driver Kolya returns from Paris. Talking to Manya:
- So I’m standing on the Eiffel Tower. I look to the left - it's your mother! I'll look to the right and you'll see your mother! I'll look straight ahead and you'll see your mother!
Here Manya begins to sob. Kolya:
- Why are you crying?
- What a beauty!!!

Told:

A young girl comes to her father and says: - Father, I...

A young girl comes to her father and says:
- Father, I’m tired, I have such a hard life, such difficulties and problems, I’m always swimming against the tide, I don’t have any more strength... what should I do?
Instead of answering, my father put 3 identical pots of water on the fire, threw carrots into one, put an egg into another, and poured coffee into the third. After a while, he took the carrots and egg out of the water and poured coffee from the third pan into the cup.
- What changed? - he asked his daughter.
“The egg and carrots were boiled, and the coffee dissolved in the water,” she answered.
- No, my daughter, this is only a superficial look at things. Look - hard carrots, having been in boiling water, became soft and pliable. The fragile and liquid egg became hard. Outwardly they have not changed, they only changed their structure under the influence of the same unfavorable circumstances - boiling water. Likewise, people who are strong outwardly can fall apart and become weaklings where the fragile and tender ones only harden and get stronger...
- And coffee? - asked the daughter
- ABOUT! This is the most interesting! The coffee beans completely dissolved in the new hostile environment and changed it - they turned boiling water into a magnificent aromatic drink. There are special people who do not change due to circumstances - they change the circumstances themselves and turn them into something new and beautiful, extracting benefit and knowledge from the situation...

A gynecologist asks a young pregnant woman:
- What is your husband’s Rh factor? She blushes:
- Don't know. Probably 15 centimeters.

Jokes about gynecologists, No. 18:

A woman came to the gynecologist:
- Lie down in a chair. The doctor took the instrument (a mixture of tweezers and forceps:)), stuck it in, but carelessly let it out of his hands. The tool fell into p$%$y. The doctor stuck his hand in there, and then he accidentally fell in. He walks along the organ and is met by two men.
- Guys, have you seen any tweezers here?
- What tweezers! We've been looking for a tractor for a week!

Jokes about gynecologists, No. 20:

Grandma(b) comes to the gynecologist and climbs onto the chair. The gynecologist(g) begins to examine: G: - Does it hurt here? B: - No. G: - Does it hurt here? B: - No. G: - Does it hurt here? B: - No. G: - Does it hurt here? B: - Yes. G: - Grandma, your tonsils are sore.

Jokes about gynecologists, No. 22:

Again a woman comes to the doctor:
- Doctor, you have a 100% contraceptive. Doctor: (takes out some pills)
- Here you are.
- Is this 100%?
- No, 90.
- And I need 100. Doctor: (takes out more tablets)
- Here.
- Is this 100?
- No, 95.
- But I need 100! Doctor:
- Wait. (takes out a palm-sized tablet) - Here.
- Well, is this at least 100?
- No, 97.
- I see you don’t understand me... Doctor:
- Well, then... (with both hands he takes out a tablet the size of a car wheel from the cabinet)... here!
- Ooo! 8-0 Well, this is probably all 100...
- No, you know, it's 99.
- But what should I do? Doctor:
- I think I know... (he digs around in the table for a long time and finally takes out a small metal ball)... This is what you need!
- And this is 100%??? Doctor: (relieved)
- Yes.
- How to use it???
- Hold between your legs during intercourse!

Jokes about gynecologists, No. 24:

Gynecological office. The girl comes in.
Doctor:
"take off your clothes..."
Sees the letter "N" on his stomach
- What is this?
- You see, doctor, my boyfriend is a football player. He's from New York, and when we made love, his T-shirt got imprinted...
Another girl - the same picture, only on the belly "L"
Doctor:
"What is this?"
- You see, doctor, my boyfriend is a football player. He's from Los Angeles, and when we made love, his shirt got imprinted...
The third girl takes off her shirt - there is a "W"
Doctor:
“Ah! I know, don’t say anything - your boyfriend is a football player from Washington. You made love with him...
- No, doctor, this is my girlfriend from Moscow.